Ptsd

[FunkyMonkey]

Um hi. I was told about a year and a half ago from my counselor that I had ptsd after I told her what was going on in my life, although I didn't tell her what exactly had happened.

I never went thru therapy for it, and I've never told anyone what happened. Basically I've been (or at least I thought it was) stuck in a depression all my life, except my depression is more than just being sad. I have violent panic attacks when on my own and I'm always reliving certain emotions from something that happened years ago.

It affects every aspect of my life, I have trouble meeting people and staying friends with them, I cant stand to be touched, I have no willpower to do anything. I've been depressed so long I've started to become very bitter and it worries me.

I could give a life story but I wont because it doesn't really matter. Right now I'm 18. I live off food stamps and for the past couple weeks I've been staying at a friends (altho its making me very uneasy). I'm trying to get a job, and I have no support system, never really did.

I don't know why I'm posting here, but I'm tired of always feeling alone and empty when there's a room full of people, and I've been angry and aggressive. I thought I had managed to forget all this stuff and it had gone away, but after 6 months of only a few isolated attacks, its come back in full force.

<Basic grammar edited by cherryblossom>

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

Welcome to the forum :)

 

[Sandra]

Hello FunkyMonkey. Do you have any family that you are close to?

And welcome to the forum.

 

[FunkyMonkey]

And just to clarify a few things. I've been in mental hospitals several times, although I never talked about the past or the panic attacks. I was always focusing on the present (I've had a rough family life too), which now I realize inst good since it keeps nagging at the back of my head and it throws my emotions off so I cant think clearly.

I was put on tons of medication for about a year (lithium, fluvoxamine, welbutrin, seroquel, and two others all at one time) when I moved in with my dad. About 7 months after feeling like a zombie I decided a life of chaos was better than that, so I tried to quit, he called the police and they forced me to go to a hospital again.

I got out and decided I was going to go to drop of high school and go to Job Corps so I could get myself off the meds. I had to beg and plea and it worked, they let me off after threatening to send me to a residential. By the time I was off I had become good friends with my room-mates, but then I started to have the panic attacks. I had a friend who helped me through most of it, and for some reason it all just kind of stopped.

After 7 months of being at job corps, I realized I had no future in welding, I couldn't see or weld for crap and they wouldn't let me switch. Thinking I was cured, I then set out to join the army. Since February to about a month ago I tried to get in, working out and trying to become a more sociable person, and then it all went downhill from there. The military denied me, my friends stabbed me in the back over a girl (it would've been my first relationship), my mom started to become aggressive more often (shes heavily bipolar), so I had a panic attack and I broke the bathroom, so she kicked me out. I lived in the park for a bit, and oddly I was very content with that, and then my friend I barely knew offered me a place to stay, so I've been here since. tbh, I'm having a hard time staying in control right now.



Sandra - No, I'm not close to any of my family. My dad is mad at me for going to job corps and my mom..well, she's not much better off than I am. I tried to make it work with her but I couldn't.
My older brother is skitsophernic (we have different dads tho).

<Basic grammar edited by cherryblossom>

 

[Sandra]

Sorry to hear about this. Please take the time and read some of the posts here. Hopefully they can help you. :)

 

[anthony]

Please read rules on basic grammar use before posting further.