Pushing Myself; Too Much Or Not Enough?

[Deleted member 1860]

I am struggling right now. This happens every year around this time. Nobody is sure if its seasonally related or a possible trauma anniversary.

I am taking classes in order to hopefully be able to start working again in the next few years. This fall, they are for the most part "review" classes in that one class I've taken before but it's dealing with a newer version of the software, a second class is the intro class in a field I have my degree in (so total review), and the last class is similar to others I've already taken, but a little different focus. I'm also back in therapy and dealing with some big issues.

I want to be able to have some fun and breathing room outside of all of this.

I just don't know how to tell if I'm pushing myself too much or I'm not pushing myself hard enough? Maybe I'm taking too many classes---I don't want to crash and burn. But if I don't take three classes I wonder if I'm just slacking off and I should suck it up and do it.

 

[tired of the fight]

I think you are doing great!! :)

 

[tired of the fight]

I am happy that you are able to do all that!! I wish I could.

 

[DMerish]

I don't know, Solara, only you can tell for sure. Have you been taking classes? If not, then I'd probably start with just two classes. I tend to over-exert / over-commit, and that gets me into trouble - sounds like maybe we're similar, eh?

 

[Deleted member 1860]

This is my third semester. One class the first semester, two the second. But, I wasn't in therapy the second semester. The good thing is that I only have to drive to campus once a week for two classes. The third class is online. Oh, and I got A's in all my classes although there were a few bumps along the way.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I am happy that you are able to do all that!

Thank you. This helps me keep things in perspective!

 

[DMerish]

I got A's in all my classes

That is awesome :D

Have classes already started?

What's the worse that can happen? If you go into a slump, then maybe you can drop one class and make it up in a later semester?

Have the classes started already?

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Classes start next week. I'm taking one as an audit, so no grade (for the one that is completely review). I think I can better handle 3 classes because I'll only have to go to campus once a week. Last semester I had to go there twice a week.

Unfortunately I don't really have the option of dropping after the first week due to my financial aid. If I drop later in the semester, I'll owe tuition as my tuition waiver wouldn't cover part of a dropped class.

I'm going to discuss it with my therapist tomorrow.

 

[DMerish]

I get it completely; been there/done that. It sounds like a good plan. Working at school, and completing my degree, was one of the best things I did for myself! If things get "hairy" maybe you can back away a bit from the therapy during exams time - so much about having PTSD (I've found) is about controlling stress levels. I think you can do this! ;)
Good luck!

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Thanks!

You're right, I can back off therapy if needed. (Duh....sometimes I need the obvious pointed out to me!)

I can go to the first class to get a better idea of what is expected of me and then make a better decision.

 

[Muzikluvr]

I just want to reiterate that only you can decide if you're taking on too much. If you think that you might be slacking because you're comparing yourself to others, then I think you're hurting yourself, because you are an individual with experiences that no one else has had. You need to validate your experiences.

Trauma changes us. It throws us off our plan. All I'm saying is that the sooner we accept that the plan has changed, the sooner we can put together a better plan. So, don't compare yourself to others, or to you before PTSD, instead compare yourself to who you want to be and strive for that.

Next, I want to say that therapy will open up so many emotions and connect understanding for you which can throw you off your plan again. So, because of that your concerns about taking 3 classes while in therapy are valid. However, I like that you're auditing one of those classes... if you have to let one fall off you could let that one go. Most of all, I think if you feel yourself getting overwhelmed, then find some way to relieve the pressure. Exercise helps, naps help, and validation helps... so, remember what you've lived through and recognize your accomplishments.

You're doing great! Take it one day at a time.

Good luck this semester! I'll be pulling for you!

 

[mamachick]

I think you are doing great. I think the other thing to consider is what other obligations do you have currently? Do you work and how many hours? Children? family committments, etc. We all need balance in life and consider the full picture.

Another consideration is-how important is it for you to get all A's.

Prior to ptsd, I took 23 hours per semester for 3 straight semesters. I had to let go of some perfections. I also had 2 daughters around age 9 and 10, taking care of my ill mother, a husband, dog, and big house, volunteer work at my childrens schools, and they were very active in extra cirricular activites, such as travel soccer on weekends. I was an exercise addict as well, which was to my benefit. If I did my 4 mile walk faithfully, I could think much more clear and do my school work in half the time. My mother got really sick and had to move her to a nursing home and move her belongings out of her apartment in my last semester. I didnt get outdoor christmas lights up, cards out, and I recall one class that required 20 hours of community service was worth a grade point, not doing so lowered the grade one point to a B if you otherwise had an A going on. I took the B. I was doing enough community work. I also got a couple B's such in Art Appreciation.

I did this because I was self pay tuition and books and anything above 12 hrs was the same cost-or free. It took extreme time management but I made it and with good grades. Today-no possible way. Looking back, I am not sure how I did it. Full time was 12 -15 hours. I did a complete 2 yr program plus 12 credits required for a bachelor program I planned to attend in 1.5 yrs. I went to counseling infrequently just to cope with some day to day things, such as sibling issues related to my mom.

I think it also depends on how well you are able to set aside other life things and focus/delve into studies, tabling other priorities (clean house, social agenda, etc)

I also think that you can continue therapy and do so on the light side, more for support and coping than dealing with trauma issues. But that would be your choice.

Only you can really decide what you can handle. Many things to consider with priorities and sacrifices to be weighed. In all honesty, I think I was also unhappy in my marriage and being in class every night and have days to study and write papers created a distance that I needed from my husband.

Im betting you can do whatever you set your mind to do.