Rant about how being on ssd sucks

[Gamera3000]

Not at all for the reasons I would have thought. When I was working I set things up for myself so that I get SSD plus supplemental long-term disability, so my "take home pay" is actually a little more than it was back when I was a manager at an IT company, which was my highest paying job. I have a preschooler who I have the luxury to stay home and raise now, and my physical condition and PTSD are fairly easy to manage, and I think have improved now that I'm not working. I'm not well off, but I can pay my bills, which is great. I know I have a lot to be thankful for, so I try not to complain in real life.

-One of the things that sucks is that I'm constantly bored and getting into projects that I can't handle. There are a lot of half-completed handyman things going on in my house that I should really call someone else to do. Or at least ask my husband to help. I tell myself at least I'm learning.

-Another thing is that the few casual friends I manage to talk to here and there aren't people who have ever worked and so they have some pretty different ideas about the world. I tell myself that it's good to get a different perspective, but honestly it really gets to me sometimes. I bumped into an old man veteran the other day looking for directions and it felt so good to talk to someone "normal" for a change. I am a 40 year old married woman with no military ties. I can't go making friends with old men at the V.A.

-I will see a job open with something I would love to do and it makes me so sad that I can't go do it. I know I would be back to lurching about with a cane if I tried, and I couldn't look after my kid or do things for my husband anymore. My family is more important than me going on a lark to do interesting things. And my health is more important too. But sometimes it really makes me sad I can't go try. I still privately feel like it's my responsibility to work if I'm at ALL able. I may go volunteer at something when my child is old enough for school. That's really the only thing I can think of that I can do.

That's all. Thanks for letting me vent.

 

[Muted]

Not at all for the reasons I would have thought. When I was working I set things up for myself so th...

Have you thought about going back to school or taking some classes? If your symptoms are much better maybe you could volunteer somewhere. A lot of seniors would be grateful for assistance with technology, maybe you could teach some classes.

It’s a huge adjustment going from working outside the home to being at home. Find what works for you. Are you seeing a therapist?

 

[Ahhlia]

Hi

I am pending answer from my SSD hearing that I had Nov 15th. Going 3 years out of work. I have PTSD/Anxiety/Depression along with the physical issues of a degenerated neck, shoulders, and upper back. I sometimes get the idea I can return but something reminds me why I am out. I am afraid of phone calls, driving, people.. it makes it hard along with memory and concentration is out. Oh and sleep...the lack of it. I use to be an Accounts Receivable and Credit Specialist very good at my job before 2012 after late husband shot self in front of me.

I did try the school idea (Web Designer 6 months) and have forgotten most of it. Again Concentration and memory issues from either the lack of sleep, the PTSD, the Anxiety, or pain in neck, shoulders and with computer use that I use to do causes the pain to travel down the arms.

I use to write but that is kind of blocked. Use to play bass and guitar, I stumble on it and playing sometimes irritate my neck and shoulders. Knitting also is affected.

One thing I did get.. a King Charles Cavalier Spaniel puppy to be a therapy dog when he grows up (he is 20 weeks old) My you I recommend getting a slightly older dog because there is lot of work with a puppy. They are like young children. If you have patience perhaps it will be good for you.

Best of luck.

Ahlia

 

[New]

@Gamera3000 I’m so glad I came on here tonight and read your post. I can so relate to you. (I worked for almost 20 years at a great paying job)

I spend a lot of time at home feeling guilty for not working. I keep thinking there has to be something I can do.

My wake up call was a few nights ago. We were supposed to work the concession stand because we have a child in sports. I failed miserably and my husband had to take over. Thank goodness he was there. I couldn’t even count change.

I went home and cried like a baby. It made me feel like an idiot but was necessary I guess. It reminded me I’m different now and I guess I needed that reminder.

No matter how badly I just want things to go back like they were before, they aren’t going to.