Re: Hello

[moc]

Hello, I am 37 years old, married with 4 year old son. I was abused by my father from approx the ages of 4-9 and raped twice in my teens. Also have had abusive relationships. Am currently in a safe relationship and have been having psychoanalysis five times a week for the past 4 months. There has been no therapy this month as my therapist is on holiday. I have found the last few weeks very difficult with C-PTSD symptoms increasing as the month has gone by. Also the last month of therapy in July brought me very close to a nervous breakdown and was incredibly traumatic - a very frightening and bewildering time for me and my husband. Since I have been looking into C-PTSD and beginning to understand my symptoms and history I have become increasingly concerned as to whether psychoanalysis is the right treatment for me. All my memories of incest abuse and the rapes that occurred in my teens are very hazy. I have no memory of being raped the second time other than being pushed backwards on a bed - I was trapped on a boat (my friends had left me) with a stranger. I remember waking up next to him but have no recollection of anything following being pushed backwards. I dissociate frequently and have panic attacks in my sleep.

I just wondered if any one here has any thoughts about whether this treatment is too re-traumatizing. My therapist went on holiday and left no support substitute which seems strange. I am not criticising here general competency, I'm just very worried that she does not have expertise enough in dealing with patients with C-PTSD. I am due to start back with her next week and am very anxious about it.

Any thoughts or comments would be very gratefully received.

 

[Lucycat]

Hi Moc and welcome to the forum.

I don't really understand the term psychoanalysis to be honest. I thought that is what a therapist did to decide on what psychotherapy the client requires. So I am sorry I am little help to you there.

However, what I do know is that whatever form of therapy you have the symptoms get worse before they get better. You are looking at, addressing and dealing with the traumatic incidents, so they come to the fore of your mind.

I would suggest that you discuss your concerns quite openly with your therapist, so that she can explain her expectations - ie that you will get better,- or her concerns that she feels the improvement is not as she might have wished for or expected, and that maybe she should seek expert guidance from her supervisor. This then opens the avenu for her to suggest a more appropriate therapist if she feels this is out of her league.

I know my T has found my CPTSD very challenging, but he tells me that, and explains when he has sought an expert opinion, and changed tack. I trust my T absolutely, but it sounds to me, if you do not have that trust in your T. I don't mean in her confidentiallity or anything like that - but you seem to lack trust in her ability to help you as an individual.

I am glad you have found us.
I am sure others, who know more about psychoanalysis will give their opinions too.

Best wishes
Lucy x

 

[cherryblossom]

Hi Moc

I don't know what psychoanalysis is, as a treatment. I was under the same impression as Lucy.

So, I'll just say welcome to the forum, for now :D

 

[moc]

Psychoanalysis is the treatment originally devised by Freud - you lie on a couch, the therapist sits behind you so that you can't see them. The central theory is that through free association and the relationship that develops between patient and therapist (transference and counter-transference) the unconscious mind is brought to the fore - the idea being that experiences/feelings etc are repressed in early childhood which, is left unresolved, causes problems in everyday functioning. The sessions are 50 mins long and ideally you attend 5 days a week. A full analysis can take 5-7 years. It is very intense but can produce very deep-seated change in the patient. I am just wondering how such a model fits with C-PTSD and whether the act of re- integrating repressed memories is re-traumatizing.

Thank you to you both for your replies and kind welcome. :D

 

[cherryblossom]

A full analysis can take 5-7 years.

Wow - that is a very long time!! Especially at 5 sessions per week. 7 years of analysis is 63 days (24 hours a day), of non stop therapy. Interesting stuff.

 

[moc]

Yes it is an awfully long time and more of an ideal than a reality. Am not sure how long i'll last in all honesty.
Thanks for your reply

 

[krystina]

Interesting, I have heard of it, but have never participated in such therapy. For me, I think in a way that, that would be nice, but I talk face to face with mine and it feels okay because I know she is listening to me. Although it would also be nice to not have to see her face when I am talking about embarrassing things. Trust your gut feelings and talk with your therapist about it.
Good luck!

 

[Deaf Global Nomad]

Hi moc,

Welcome to the forum! You have definitely been through quite a bit of trauma.

Psychoanalysis is more common in some countries than others and even in certain areas of one country than others. It has a long-standing history and is used for all kinds of issues. Some people swear by it and others consider it stupid. The general idea of it is to bring up the subconscious conflicts and let the client figure out solutions on his/her own. For some people it works really well and for others it does not. Welcome to the world of extremes! One of the issues is the amount of time that must be devoted to it. Another is that the client does not receive active suggestions on how to deal with certain things (e.g. how to relax). There are so many different schools of psychology and for many things the success or failure rate simply depends on factors related to the client, the symptoms, the patience, the money available, etc...

Now I will stop hiding behind theory (my strength or weakness depending on which way you look at it). From my experience of having grown up with psychoanalysis (the children's version) in Central European countries it can work. However, in my case I always felt like I had no idea what was going on. Was I getting better? Was I getting worse? What did the therapist want me to do? For a kid and young teen with a significant abuse history and desperate need to please so she wouldn't be left again by someone I felt like I was floating. Don't get me wrong, I had an excellent relationship with the therapist (I saw her for 5 years) and we write letters until today, but I do remember that each time I left I was more in trouble (searching for boundaries, love, feelings, structure, help, etc...) than I was when I went there. Whatever I had played out in therapy came to haunt me during the week until my next train trip and therapy session. In between I acted out by drawing pictures at the suggestion of one of my teachers (who also played a type of foster mom to me). I have those pictures and they are the scariest things I have ever seen, but it was the only way I knew how to let the feelings out.

As for dealing with the long breaks during therapy, I still do not have any good answers. My therapist was just on vacation for 3 weeks and I worked so hard on keeping myself calm, which worked, but now I'm having a hard time continuing where we left off because I had once again shut off my feelings, thoughts, etc...

I wish you the best on your journey through therapy land...

Take care!

 

[Love&Light]

I did not find analysis to be helpful. I can't free-associate. After a few weeks of sitting in a terrifying silence, the psych recommended another clinician.

 

[moc]

Deaf Global Nomad, thank you so much for your comments. You have highlighted the issues as they absolutely are - I feel the same after each session, which is five times a week at the moment, - I have no clue what's going on really. The therapist gives very little away and even though I understand this in principle it does not make it any easier to deal with. I am due to see her today after a month's break which hasn't been the easiest 4 weeks. I am dreading it to be honest because I know the questions I have, e.g is psychoanalysis suitable for patients with C-PTSD, is she trained in this area etc will able to put back on to me and seen, from her perspective, as resistance on my part. As you say, during the break one has to shut down in order to cope so it's very hard to getting going again. Also, being able to get myself out of harm's way or a difficult relationship is a key problem of mine so working out how to confront whether this is the right treatment or not with her is going to be tricky. Thanks so much again for your very helpful comments and I hope returning to your therapist goes well for you.

Love&Light - thanks for your comments. You've hit the nail on the head - I too cannot free associatie for obvious reasons - no ability to trust, lying on a couch is not conducive to relaxation etc - it seems like a vicious circle really and one which I hope I can raise with the therapist today in a way which doesn't make her think that all of this is resistance on my part. I hope she is open to the idea that this might not be the best therapy in my case. I wish you luck with your therapy - may I ask what kind of therapy was suggested in place on psychoanalysis? Good luck.