Reading Too Much Neither Sure What I'm Doing Wrong...

[IrisL]

Nowadays in quite try to get over with the ptsd- and reading a book about ww1 and the shell shock... Don't get me wrong, is not like what we have isn't tthat serious... But can somebody explain to me what's the main difference is you get that own isolation in adulthood and when you get in childhood... Why my adultish brain can't process it... Or I mean by books, by thoughts I know the things, but when situation come up is getting out of control... How the hell my own brain can betray me? And why I can't control it??? Or how the hell I can? Is like without you can choose your unconsciousness drag you back your past just to f"*k you over more and destroys you and your surrounding and you just watching everything is decay and just remain nothing at the end...and personally I have literally almost just negative thoughts... I can see the negative, is like I'm constantly searching for the negative and If there is a slight one I dig it flipping out and I chuck it on the Middle of the table like a massive big raw meat.im not sure anybody is like that with too or just in that idiot? Or I can get kind of mental or hyper angry with things normal people would not... Sometimes I feel I'm in a constant stress which I get so use to it, I'm not even realising it. ... Ohh and making up negative future pictures and think of other people what they are thinking and the worst one of I have problem with a close person who I love I can make a flippin argument in front of that person like a monologue, because I'm talking for the other person and there is no reasoning with me... Like I have switch on me and I'm not in the present... How I can make myself see what's the real which surrounding me and in front of me?????why I can't see that? I don't like the answer because of what happened with me when I was kid... Somehow not seems enough answer and feel like my past is win up on me, and should be something to do with it. Those fgg¥\€>%]€?> people can't flipping win and these thoughts are just making me so angry I would like to torture those people who do any bad with little kids ...whhh
I know is chaotic and maybe hardly understandable, and maybe inappropriate... But I can't talk with anybody about that... And who knows how long I will wait for a psychologist, until seems I'm chewing myself and sometimes I feel I will not hang up until... Like I'm going crazy or what...That's at the end I feel myself pathetic... And my brain sometimes in some sort of supersonic highway road...
I'm a chaos... With blind eyes for the present and the reality...

 

[ms spock]

Hi IrisL,

I see that you are new here and the Stress Cup Explanation might be good for you to look at in the vault.

The negative thinking that goes on and on is called rumination. I have done it a lot in my life, you are not alone or stupid.

You could look at your brain in a different way - that it protected you from complete madness and insanity, though I know it doesn't feel like it.

There are lots of good members, forums and articles to read on this forum.

Being present in this now, is really hard going. I feel for you and struggle with this.

Take care, and keep safe.

 

[Friday]

We have to train our brains, we can't just think them changed. That's true for PTSD, as well as walking/ talking/ metabolism/ everything.

If we want to speed up our metabolism, start losing weight? We can't just think thin thoughts. We need to actually to out and start burning & replacing calories, so our brain will start speeding our metabolism up, shedding stored calories (fats), and repairing & replacing torn muscle tissue. Over time we get thinner & stronger. There's simply no shortcut, and it doesn't matter how much we may hate being weak or fat, or how much we may want to be thin or toned. To affect change, we have to work. Hard. For a long time, with thousands of attempts, each stacked on top of the ones before.

If we want to learn a language or a sport? Ditto, we have to practice, and practice, and practice. If we're toddlers or stroke victims? Learning for the first time, or relearning? Ditto. Nothing but practice, practice, practice will achieve any kind of fluidity or fluency.