Reading Your Post

[RussH]

As I have been reading through your post over the last month or so, I realize two things:
What happened to me pales in significance to the trauma many of you suffered.
This world can be an incredibility cruel place.

It saddens me the way many of you have been treated, and you did not deserve it, but this world does these things and then convinces us that we deserved it. We did not, you did not deserve it. I read how you have been visited by various kinds of abuse and how you have endured the humilation of it, and one very significant common thread stood out. You are all here getting better, overcoming what this world has done to you, and you are not only overcoming what the world has done to you, you are helping each other overcome.

Quite honestly, as I read your stories of how you are fighting back, regaining you lives I realize this world does not deserve you. You are so much better than it. Why? Because you do not do things to others for your own pleasure, you do things for each other for their good, and I thank you for that.

 

[gone]

That's beautiful @RussH. And I agree, there's so much courage and life here amid the pain.

 

[macca]

The world can be a cruel place. And you're right, it is heartening to see how everyone here is not only fighting back, but is so supportive and empathic towards others, more than was shown to them in previous experiences. But please RussH - don't minimise your own experience - you wouldn't be here in this forum if you hadn't been through the mill yourself. That's why you get it, and have so much empathy for everyone else's stories. I know I sometimes invalidate and minimise my own story, because that's how I was treated, and it's a habit - so I might be presuming too much, but I didn't want you to do the same! Pain is pain. Healing is healing.

 

[RussH]

@macca you are right, in general, I am miniumizing my experience, but at the same time, compared to some of the others who have been horribly, physically as well as emotionally abused, my story is pretty small. However, I am still a sufferer so small as my story may be it still has a significant amount of long-term negative effects on me.

 

[RussH]

@Amne I like your avitar, the brain with a piece of the puzzle missing.

 

[macca]

You're right though Russ, in that there are some pretty sad stories on here. Nobody deserves to be treated like that. I don't understand how people can be so callous, and so cruel.

 

[RussH]

@macca
In ancient Israel the romans were determined to distroy the nation and the jewish people. The last vestage of the jewish rebellion had gathered on a mountain top called Masada. When the romans built a ramp to reach the jews, rather than be taken captive and torchured, the jews decided to commit suicide, and deny the romans their fun.

Today, the Israeli defense force takes its new recruits up to Masada to swear them in. The motto of the IDF is "Never again." They will not give up, they will not take their own life's but they will fight to the last man to defend their home. I have also adopted their motto of "Never again." I will not, ever, allow someone to treat me, or anyone else the way we have been treated in the past. I will not allow these cruel callous, sick people to get their jollies at the expense of others. Never again!

 

[The Albatross]

I tend to classify my own traumas as adversity and manage the "injury" rather than focus on defensively saying "never again". I get mixed up when I get going on what I deserved or didn't deserve. I got what I got. I am though, a stoic at heart. Someone in my family used to say "Into each life a little rain must fall."

Adversity, pain, disappointment, unfairness, injustice, even traumas happen in life... it is how I cope, or not that determines the course of my days. I found out that the little comforting quote (from my maternal grandmother I think, said in a very quiet, empathetic way while looking me lovingly in the eyes) is from Henry Wadsworth Longfellow from a poem called Rainy Day:

Rainy Day
The day is cold, and dark, and dreary;
It rains, and the wind is never weary;
The vine still clings to the moldering wall,
But at every gust the dead leaves fall,
And the day is dark and dreary.

My life is cold, and dark, and dreary;
It rains, and the wind is never weary;
My thoughts still cling to the moldering Past,
But the hopes of youth fall thick in the blast
And the days are dark and dreary.

Be still, sad heart, and cease repining;
Behind the clouds is the sun still shining;
Thy fate is the common fate of all,
Into each life some rain must fall

How I handle my life's challenges and adversity is up to me. It is not helpful for me to contrast and compare what happened to me against my perception of the lives of others. My job is to learn how to cope and manage to the best of my ability with resilience and as much levity as I can muster to learn how to live the life I have left in a way that is peaceable and generally satisfying. Part of that for me was to abandon defensive living.

It is not beneficial for me to "fight back" either. It is beneficial for me to manage. Psychically or mental emotionally, if I approach the world looking for a fight... I'm more likely to find one. When you only have a hammer, everything looks like a nail. Not that motivation is a bad thing, it's just good to acknowledge that there are coping strategies outside a perceived battle.

Likely read too much in, but this is what my thoughts are.

 

[gone]

@RussH — I agree with @macca that suffering is suffering, and yours is the only suffering you really know and its sucks as badly as it sucks. Some stories in here are more horrific than others, and some people—regardless of the horror of their stories—may "cope" harder in ways that take longer to unclench in therapy. But it's all suffering with a capital "S."

And thanks for the compliment on the avatar! The missing piece is at the amygdala (give or take).

 

[RussH]

@The Albatross I don't think you were reading too much in it; we each cope in our own way. I also agree that in each life some rain must fall, but I equate rain with the natural events of life, not others using my emotional well-being for their play toy.

I do admire your attitute, and your approach. I can only tell you that personally I will fight back if some attempts to use me as I have been used, and I will especially fight back if I see someone else be subjected to the treatment I suffered.(I am not talking about physical fighting or being violent, just standing up and stopping it.)

@Amne thank you for you post; I guess when I see the post of people who have been physically / sexually assualted and or raped my heart breaks for them and what they have suffered. I hurt for them and the terrible abuse they suffered, and just wish I could take it away from them. I see what they have suffered, and my trauma just seems to pale in comparison, but I have refered to what I have suffered as emotional molestation and or emotional rape, so, I don't know. I just know I hate what has happened to them and weep over their pain.

 

[Bluerose]

You’re right. Coming from an abusive childhood where my dad committed suicide when I was 19 and about to be married, everything came to a head midway through my twenties. Struggled for some time, hospitalised and the rest. Eventually, a part of my healing came from reading about how much others have suffered. I hesitated to express this realisation for a long time because I was afraid some people might take it the wrong way. But reading about other people’s struggles helped me to put my own struggles into perspective and heal.

I would like to say thank you to you all for allowing me to read your posts and sometimes reply to them. Reading your stories has helped me to see just how far I have come. The support you all have for each other on here is amazing.

Sending warm, fuzzy hugs to you all.

Be strong and stay above the battles.

 

[RussH]

@Bluerose thank you for your response. I am glad you are doing better. No, I do not take you expressing how others post have helped you gain perspective. I personally am glad it has helped you.

Blessings to you.