Reassurance seeking

[Leeloo]

I am a hugely anxious person. But lately, I have started over-analysing, obsessing and making some very negative conclusions about the people I love.

I am in a very loving and supportive relationship with a guy and consider myself lucky. But I am developing the habit of expecting him to do something to break my heart. If he doesn't text as quickly as normally, I decide he hates me. If he doesn't hold me for as long as I'd like, I decide he is fed up with me. I spend hours analysing our time together to try and find faults. If my head finds something it can pick at, it drives me crazy! I'll panic and stress and assume the worst. This all then makes me seek constant reassurance which then makes me worry I'm being a pain which then makes me think too much which then makes me seek more reassurance!

I am so scared of losing him but I'm also acting so needy I'm scared it'll become a self-fulfilling prophecy. I do talk openly to him about this and he is very patient but I just want my head to stop doing this

 

[Sideways]

Sounds like this might be more about your relationship with yourself, possibly? How’s your self worth? For example, do you believe that you deserve to be loved and treated respectfully by him?

 

[arfie]

I have started over-analysing, obsessing and making some very negative conclusions about the people I love.

empathy, leeloo. this is one of my more therapy resistant symptoms. in my case, it is not reserved for the people i love or even know. i can over analyze and obsess my way to seeing negative conclusions from a baby staring from a car seat in a restaurant. that brat wants to fling his/her dirty diaper at me! ! ! i just know it! ! !

while i indulge in wishes for a cure, radical acceptance and mindfulness are the most effective tool i have found for this piece of my hyper-vigilance. with gentle acceptance i can lovingly know this about myself and ply therapy tools before i throw handcuffs on that stranger's baby in the restaurant.

 

[Leeloo]

Sounds like this might be more about your relationship with yourself, possibly? How’s your self worth? For example, do you believe that you deserve to be loved and treated respectfully by him?

I think you are absolutely right. My self worth is so low, I don't really think I deserve a happy stable relationship!

 

[Leeloo]

empathy, leeloo. this is one of my more therapy resistant symptoms. in my case, it is not reserved for the people i love or even know. i can over analyze and obsess my way to seeing negative conclusions from a baby staring from a car seat in a restaurant. that brat wants to fling his/her dirty diaper at me! ! ! i just know it! ! !

while i indulge in wishes for a cure, radical acceptance and mindfulness are the most effective tool i have found for this piece of my hyper-vigilance. with gentle acceptance i can lovingly know this about myself and ply therapy tools before i throw handcuffs on that stranger's baby in the restaurant.

It is exhausting isn't it? I just can't seem to wrangle this down at all!

Thank you for your reply. I'm sorry you struggle similar things

 

[deno]

It’s like your brain is running in overdrive, scanning for something to go wrong...almost like if you expect the heartbreak, it won’t hurt as much. But all that overthinking? It’s not protecting you, it’s just making you suffer before anything even happens. And the worst part? It makes you act in ways that feel like you’re pushing him away, even though that’s the last thing you want.

The fact that you see what’s happening is important. So many people don’t even recognize the cycle, but you do. That means you can start interrupting it. Next time your mind spirals—when you catch yourself thinking, what if —pause. Ask yourself: Is there actual evidence, or is this just my anxiety talking? Remind yourself of the real moments of love and security you share with him.

And most of all, be kind to yourself. You’re not crazy, and you’re not “too much.” You’re just scared of losing something that means the world to you. But love isn’t about constantly proving your worth...it’s about trusting that you are already enough.

 

[Leeloo]

It’s like your brain is running in overdrive, scanning for something to go wrong...almost like if you expect the heartbreak, it won’t hurt as much. But all that overthinking? It’s not protecting you, it’s just making you suffer before anything even happens. And the worst part? It makes you act in ways that feel like you’re pushing him away, even though that’s the last thing you want.

The fact that you see what’s happening is important. So many people don’t even recognize the cycle, but you do. That means you can start interrupting it. Next time your mind spirals—when you catch yourself thinking, what if —pause. Ask yourself: Is there actual evidence, or is this just my anxiety talking? Remind yourself of the real moments of love and security you share with him.

And most of all, be kind to yourself. You’re not crazy, and you’re not “too much.” You’re just scared of losing something that means the world to you. But love isn’t about constantly proving your worth...it’s about trusting that you are already enough.

This really resonates as true. Thank you....therapy is helping me recognise what my mind does to me and I feel lucky for that much.

 

[deno]

You’re doing the hard work, and it will pay off. Recognizing the patterns is half the battle, and therapy is giving you the tools to step back and challenge those thoughts before they spiral. It’s not easy, but you’re already making progress just by noticing what your mind is doing instead of letting it run the show.

And you know what? The fact that you have someone who’s patient and understanding says a lot—not just about him, but about you, too. You’re worthy of love that feels safe, steady, and reassuring. Keep being kind to yourself.

Thanks for letting us share in your journey. There are plenty of cheerleaders here if you need a shot of encouragement!

 

[Sideways]

My self worth is so low, I don't really think I deserve a happy stable relationship!

That’s the thing to work on, then. Because you do deserve an awesome relationship, and believing that will likely help you relax into it, and be able to trust that it’s real and appropriate.