Refuge

[Jimmy1]

I recently wrote a post about my happy place. A place in my mind where I can go and chill. Sometimes its really hard to go there depending on my mood and state of mind.

Then we have isolation. We need a place where we can go to isolate, and that is usually the place I go to visit my happy place. However; when you have a busy house and lots going on, finding a place to isolate and seek refuge is hard. You can't expect inconsiderate teenagers to understand as the most important person to them is themselves.

For me, before I moved to Margaret's, if the world became too much for me, I could just stay at home when the boy was at school and deal with it that way.

Yesterday I had to go to the beach to get away, and although it was almost deserted, there were still some people there and dogs barking.

Where can we go for refuge when times are tough and the cows are out????

It must be hard for people like Tex with a new baby to get some isolation.
How are you managing mate???

 

[Ned]

I think one of the hardest things about the refuge problem is that the time of strongest need usually coincides with our loved ones being most concerned about us.
The more we try to get to the back of the cave the more they try to take a peek to see if we're OK.
And, of course, when we do go somewhere, hypervigilance is usually stood shoulder-to-shoulder with us. The slightest intrusion ruins our efforts.
I think I'm going to try very hard to reduce my expectations from total to mere demanding.
I reckon it's good you've got the beach, though, Jimmy. I used to like getting down to Surf Bay at Port Stanley (just watch out for the mines).

 

[Jimmy1]

We had a one of you pommie guys join our army. He parachuted into the Falklands and Cyprus. Anyway, the Sergeant Major on our promotion course for Sergeant at the time forbid him from wearing his medals. For f*ck Sake, he joined the Royal Australian Corps of Signals and received them from being in the Royal Signals Corps.
Straughn was his name. To cut a long story short, the RSM spotted him and remembered who he was. And as they passed him on parade asked him why he was not wearing his medals. You can only guess what happened.
The RSM tore the Sergeant Major a new one behind closed doors, and from then on he was treated with the utmost respect. He was just a jealous Muther who had not been anywhere.

Where did this thread come from. He said Port Stanley was nice. lmao

 

[Ned]

Port Stanley is nice, for a UK bloke it's like going back in time 50 years. And the smell of peat fire smoke on a chilly evening always takes me back there.
We had a medal-hunter OC in BiH. I pointed out to him that I'd already got enough thanks and he could f@#k off.

 

[Jimmy1]

Mate, its sad, but medals mean nothing to me now. Maybe they will mean something to my children.
Yes, I am proud of where I served and the job I did, but thats exactly it. I was doing what I was trained for, nothing special. The long service one yes, it proves I did the hard yards, and the active service medal, yes, it proves I saw service overseas, and I suppose the combat badge, but nothing else matters. Not the standard service medal, not the campaign medals, nothing else.

Its the guys and gals that don't make it back who should get all the medals for their families.

 

[Ned]

'Its the guys and gals that don't make it back who should get all the medals for their families'

Agree. Used to embarass me a bit getting them. (Apart from one, which was a bit special and made my mum very proud). I don't know what can be done for the people left behind, more than is done at present, that's certain.

 

[Wagon]

I threw most of my stuff away along time ago. I have a box.... with things in it. It's known in the family as THE BOX. And I have not sorted it out in about 15 years. Just keep on moving it. It has stuff in it. Ancient stuff.

Ya, medal hunters. I had one of those winners when I just got out and had joined the reserves. He was also an instructor on campus. Taught basic seamanship. Before we knew we were in the same unit, I had gone to him to ask to test out of a course. Life Boatman I think it was. Being I was already qualified as a Bosun in the Merchant Marines and had been in the Navy for the last 4. He said OK, but he had to make up the exam.

So 2 weeks later we meet each other at the reserve centre in Houston. No ships, just a building. Kind of like Kindergarden for sailors. I'm in my dress blues. 2nd Class Petty Officer, one hash mark, 7 ribbons. He ends up being a Ltjg. O2 with 2 ribbons. nothing else. That was the end of testing out of that course. Made me take it and the bastard gave me a C. Jealous little pimple. I would have given him my ribbons.

Turned out I was one of few fleet guys in the unit. There were about 7 of us. They used to let us 7 go and watch football on Saturdays and drink beer....... so we wouldn't start any "trouble" at the reserve centre. Good Times. We f'd them up trying to play Navy.

What is this thread about anyway? Refuge. Question. When does refuge or happy place turn into the negative term disassociation? That one is confusing me a bit.

Wagon

 

[Ned]

Refuge. Question. When does refuge or happy place turn into the negative term disassociation? That one is confusing me a bit.
Wagon

One man's refuge is his woman's disassociation!
OK I'll take my finger off the trite button. But this callsign has just had a miserable 24hrs because of that very conflict.
I don't know. Maybe when you kick the arse out of it? (That doesn't imply any deliberate intent, by the way).

 

[Jimmy1]

Mate, disassociation is when you go off with the pixies without knowing it. One minute you could be talking to someone, or even driving, the next you are in limbo. Most disassociated states only last a little while.

The happy place is a conscious decision. Its a relaxed, deep breathing like meditation, and to stop the nasties ruining your time, you fill your mind with a neutral safe place to visit.

Does that make sense.

 

[Ned]

The happy place is a conscious decision. Its a relaxed, deep breathing like meditation, and to stop the nasties ruining your time, you fill your mind with a neutral safe place to visit.

Does that make sense.

Yes it does. Thanks for that. I think the other thing I was talking about was detachment. Now on that I am a SQEP Expert!

 

[Jimmy1]

My opinion on being detached is sort of similar to disassociation. When your having rough day and not really with it. You know, the lights are on but nobody is home. Thats when you could say someone is detached.

 

[Ned]

Spot on