Running Again

[HappyJock]

As some of you know, I've not had good luck with therapists. My most recent Therapist is amazing. Funny, friendly, caring, yet supportive with a good amount of forceful care when it comes to trying to get me to talk. She often says she's proud.

I find myself not wanting to return. Just leave. I get fearful of someone so nice, but that's not why I want to leave. I am not always admitting things, like suicidal ideations, or other bad self-harm symptoms. When the going gets tough or when I used to have bad therapy experiences, I just tend to leave and not show up, no warning. I have the same urge. It's nothing to do with her, but more my fear in dealing with the code issues and telling her I feel like I'm getting worse. I'm supposed to read my abuse story out loud in front of her, with her guidance, tomorrow and that also frightens me. So I'm just hoping for some input.

 

[claire east]

It does get easier I was crying so much when I told mine about the rapes but I felt huge relief I too sometime feel like giving up but I'm still her I too seeing a new pherapist that it scares me but that's all part of the healing process

 

[scout86]

I'm supposed to read my abuse story out loud in front of her, with her guidance, tomorrow and that also frightens me.

What happens if you say "No" to that? Just curious. I know the feeling you're talking about, I deal with it a lot. I finally decided that it's never served me very well and that with this "therapy thing" maybe my best course of action is to go anyway. On the other hand, it's possible to do too much too fast. You don't have to take on EVERY scary topic right away. It's fine to move slowly. My T probably errs on the side of "slow" actually, but that's worked pretty well.

Saying "No" to reading your trauma story and talking about the feeling that you need to run instead might be an interesting experiment.

 

[desiderata310]

I agree with scout on this. Any trauma therapist worth their salt will happily adjust to your timeline. Trauma folks have had too much control taken away to be bullied in therapy into doing something they are not ready to do.

 

[LuckyDuck]

Put it off, and go easy on yourself. It's never cookie cutter in these matters.

LD

 

[GardenGirl0214]

I, too, agree with Scout, especially about the part about talking about your suicidal ideation and thoughts of self harm. I re early discussed those two issues with my therapist, and I'm still here. Try talking about your feeling of wanting to run. My guess is if you are able to do that, you'll have a positive session. Please don't push yourself for something you might not be ready for. Another thought may be to write out your stoty, if you haven't already done so, and then put it in a sealed envelope, and have her hold it until YOU feel ready to read it. I've done this, and it was very helpful.