Sad News

[starry-night]

Someone who was a big part of my life died last night. I found out through a colleague today.

He was a kind person, and I respected him hugely. He was a mentor, of sorts.

I haven't been able to tell my husband yet, as he's at work.

The only person I have told, a former colleague who I was quite close to and who thought would understand, has read my message to her but hasn't replied yet. I've been waiting 2 hours for a reply.

I'm really dissapointed. I don't have friends I can talk to. I always isolate myself. And now I've tried to reach out to tell someone how I feel and ask for help, I've been ignored. I really don't understand people or the world :/

I feel utterly numb. I've worked flat out all afternoon just to pass the time.

There's a tiny part of me that is weirdly relieved, as the time that I knew this person was also the time of my trauma. So it's like a big link with my trauma is broken.

I just wish it was my dad that had died instead.

 

[Deleted member 6617]

Sorry for your loss Starry-night. Hope you find some comfort and peace in the midst of your sorrow. ((((Starry-night))))

 

[The Albatross]

We're here for you Starry-night... losing a mentor can be more than sad and grieving... it can be a scarey time. But I'm learning how to honor the life of the person, and be grateful for the time and attention that they so selflessly and generously gave to me. ((((Hugs for you))), and my sincere sympathy for the loss of your friend/mentor and yeah, loved one.

 

[Srain]

`((((((((((Starry-Night)))))))))))) Words are the hardest to form when a part of your life but heart has died. The grief can can be overwhelming. Some people just cannot show up for whatever reasons of their own, right now it doesn't matter you need comfort and understanding. I lost my own extremely valued mentored a few years back and I felt crushed, lost, utterly heart broken though in my case I was aware he was extremely ill prior.

Please know I am here should need to just speak your heart. Many of us are.

peace, comfort, hugs throughout the miles,
Rain

 

[starry-night]

Thank you for your kind words.

There's a part of me that is relieved he is dead though. It's like one less tie linking me to the trauma. I know that that is what I'll be thinking at the funeral. And I feel bad for all of that.

I wish I could have a year zero and start all over again, wipe the slate completely clean and start from scratch. But I know that it doesn't work like that.