Relationship Sad To Say

[I4C]

Hi Carers and Suffers

I hope everyone is taking care. I recently ended my relationship with my Suffer, it was her choice as she could not love me they way i needed and could not be in a relationship with anybody at this time in her words. I respect her decession but am a little confused as she sent me a Christmas card stating that she couldn't wait to see me and misses me so much?

I put the time in reading and educating myself on this illness and preparing myself. I was ready to face this journey with her and support her 100%.

She is 1400 miles away in therapy and isolation. She is taking a course on helping abused women as she was, i'm very proud of her. I took this really hard but have grieved as if some one had passed away that you love.

I'm looking for advice from Carers and Suffers on this one.From your experience do Suffers return to a relationship when there PTSD is under control or try to contact them. I just want to prepare myself if she contacts me a year down the road. She also left some of her stuff at my house and advised to throw it away, I'm not like that so i was wondering the best way to get it to her with no contact or wait until she contacts me. I just feel like i'm burdening her if i call and make things worse.
I have no regrets and would do it again in a heart beat. I hope she starts to heal her trauma and love herself again.

All the best:hello:
Rob

 

[anthony]

Normally... no. The sufferer will normally look for a new beginning, not to revisit their past.

 

[onebravegirl]

You know her better than anyone. Could this just be another phase of her recovery? I guess only time will tell...

One thing is for Certain. You are an amazing guy and any woman would be blessed to have you. Your experiences with this Girl have enriched you with wisdom that not many other men have had as a carer.
I am sure that you will be someone that this girl will be eternally grateful for having by her side for so long. If romance is no longer there, I hope that she has the sense to see that you have bee n the best of friends to her. If she has a healthy mind now, she would be able to knwo this.

Best of all best wishes,
O

 

[helena]

In my experience, the answer is yes.

 

[I4C]

When a suffer is triggered, is there anytime line with therapy that there ptsd comes under control.

 

[Tinyflame]

I can only speak for myself: the triggers are sort of day-to-day events, the 'fall-out' make take minutes or a couple of days or a week to understand and get a grip. But then the management (of that) trigger becomes easier forevermore.

Healing comes in "chunks", for me; I was doing great for years, and then dive-bombed in the summer of 2008. Still not back to where I want and need to be.

It's very unpredictable.

 

[Tinyflame]

I'm sorry, I should have added: for me, I am still working (full time), but personally and emotionally I let much go- totally isolated myself in many respects. But I just did it to try to survive.

It has been my experience that when the ptsd is managed effectively, everything has a certain level of 'challenge' to it but things run much better all around, all areas of your life. You feel like you are "living" again, and it is much easier to interact, plan, be loving, let your emotions show, experience joy and a sense of not being so "wound up".

It is a lot like they say: "Peeling an onion", as far as uncovering, facing and dealing with it goes, it seems.

 

[CCurry]

I wish I had a crystal ball for that answer in regards to my bf who still has uncontrolled ptsd. He's been in therapy for 2 months now and still not under control at least with me as I seem to be the one that still triggers him...just in reading a lot I'm sure its the stress of a relationship that just sends him into emotional overload. Who knows?

What I do know is that he's promised me to put 600% into his recovery to get back what we had. I hold onto hope and in the meantime I do my best to keep busy!

 

[I4C]

Thank you, I'm here to learn and support.I really value what you say and everbody elese. I'm like a sponge, trying to absorb information for a better knowledge of ptsd from both sides of the fence.

 

[Nicolette]

Good for you Buelly. The best thing you can do is educate yourself as much as possible.

 

[Shoka]

Buelly,

The only comment I have on your post is that if she told you to throw away her stuff, then you should do that. If you really can't bear to throw it away, then I would find a happy medium and pack it up in a box and put it aside in the basement or attic. To be honest, it really sounds like a bad idea for you to try to send it to her anyway. My gut feeling tells me this will only push her away further from you as she will see it as you trying to contact her.

As far as her coming back to you, the best thing you can do is to really let it go. Easier said then done, especially if you feel you are the one left holding the bag.

Shoka

 

[Nicolette]

I totally agree with Shoka. After being separated from almost a year Anthony's ex would send back stuff like a tire tube repair kit and all it did was make him think less of her. Then a few months later there would be something else. To me, looking at the receiver's end, it was a sign of hanging on IMHO. It's a bit like negative contact instead of no contact at all as she would even send the stuff registered mail with delivery confirmation just so she knew he got it. The only time I would find sending something back acceptable is if it was an irreplaceable important document....other than that let it go.

If you still care respect what has been said. I actually had a burning ceremony in a metal garbage bin after my husband and I went our separate ways and like you I was the one hurting. I found standing there watching it burn helped me come to accept the demise of the relationship....it was like watching it turn to ashes. Shoka's suggestions are good too if that works for you but I still think it is hanging on.

I am sorry for your loss though and I hope your heart mends with the least amount of suffering.