Sad

[Bookoffee]

I am without a therapist until next month. She is having a hip replacement. The last few days have been a bit hard on us. My wife has a chronic illness and will need surgery soon. We don’t have the money for it and we still owe money to her last surgeon. He is not willing to see her anymore until we pay the bill, regardless of needing another surgery. No matter how much we try to get a head in our life, mentally, physically, or financially, we seem to always come up short.

I am extremely mentally withdrawn. When I am completely overwhelmed all I do is sleep and have suicidal thoughts. I look around my house and I know I need to start cleaning and organizing it, but I can’t seem to find the motivation. I will put a few minutes a side for me to work on a project but all I do is lay there and become overwhelmed with suicidal thoughts. I don’t know what to do or how to stop the thoughts. I am sad and depressed. I can’t afford to not be at work but I am not sure how to go through out my day without dreading it.

 

[Sarah542]

I am so sorry to hear that you are having suicidal thoughts and the money situation. Have you considered getting a sick note from the doctor and going on sickness benefit? That way you could possibly limit the stress of having to work. All I can say is embrace the days where you can't find the motivation, dont beat yourself up, and then where you have a little motivation go and do something. Force yourself to just tidy up one little part for example one shelf or art of a desk. And little by little the whole bookshelf/ desk will be tidy and you can be proud of the fact that you were motivated to do one small part. You will find once you make that first move to tidy up you will feel better and it will become a little bit more easier to do it the next day.
What project are you working on? Is it a hobby?

 

[BlueOrange]

Have you tried setting aside some time to relax? I mean, instead of lying there feeling like you're out of energy and being in a cycle of unhappiness, take a day or two of dedicated relaxation time - promise yourself that you're not going to do any work for a little bit. I find that when I'm exhausted, I often feel guilty about it, which prevents me from resting, which keeps me exhausted....

 

[Bookoffee]

I find that when I'm exhausted, I often feel guilty about it, which prevents me from resting, which keeps me exhausted....

I am always feeling guilty. I feel as though everything needs to be perfect all the time. If it's not, I wont be appreciated or loved. It is exhausting to keep up with.

What project are you working on? Is it a hobby?

I started to do some art journaling and other art projects. I started the projects, didn't finish it and still have it in the middle of my living room.

 

[Sarah542]

Awh I feel like that too! Especially about my body. Perfectionism sucks! And congratulations on starting your hobbies! I have various hobbies that i like doing but none have ever been finshed. What kind of art do you do?

 

[Bookoffee]

I have various hobbies that i like doing but none have ever been finshed. What kind of art do you do?

The only hobby I finished is reading a book. I start things then get bored with them, fast. I am just starting to play around with art. I paint on a canvas, once and it was just paint on a canvas, nothing special. I started an art journal. I also started an art project with dolls. Each doll representing an abusive family member and how I see, feel and think about them.

 

[Sarah542]

Wow that sounds good! I've always wanted to paint i just cant. I get bored with things too thats why i have so many hobbies!!! At the moment im knitting a blue and white stripey jumper but tomorrow I could play my guitar or I could make cards. And I would say painitng is special. It is special to you! :D And I'm glad you are making dolls, I'm sure that this will help you.

 

[Bookoffee]

Thank you @Sarah542 and welcome to the forum.

 

[KwanYingirl]

@Bookoffee have you been to your nearest health and human services office to see about getting on medicaid? Medical costs are serious bummers and I'm not surprised you're feeling down. But take action. Today is beautiful, drag your ass out of home and go out and let the sun shine on your face. Make a list of chores. If you get one thing done a day, that's just fine.