Safe While Dissociating

[jjh29]

Okay so this will probably be the last time I address this unless I have reason to later. I have seen my new T twice now and he seems to say dissociating (time loss kind) is normal, however due to the aspect of my trauma and my children it scares me. What I want to ask of you all is has this type of dissociation ever put you in harms way? Have you ever wandered off anywhere? Thank you I am trying to get over this it just freaks me out. Oh and my T highly recommended this forum so I feel really good to have great people to talk to.:)

 

[Leah123]

Hi, jjh29 and welcome to the forum. I'm glad you found it. I don't think I know enough about your situation to reassure you personally, I'd like to know more what you mean about losing time (how much, do you lose all memory of it, do you have other concerning issues that accompany it) but I'll tell you about mine. Dissociating for me happens in two ways. The first, I feel outside myself, and liken it to running on autopilot mode. I do well this way, no problems at all, except I seem more flat, unemotional. The second, I feel detached from reality, as if neither I nor it is sometimes quite real. I still function through it though. I have not had any negative consequences during dissociation except that sometimes I feel terribly frustrated and scared about the sense of disconnection and dispassion I have.

I don't know that time loss is normal in general, was your therapist referring to "normal" for your type of situation perhaps? I wonder how he meant it, I can see how I might lose awareness of time passing while I was engaged in something compelling, or while I was dissociated, doing nothing, and then snapped out of it, but I have not experienced the type of deep dissociation where at say 8am I am eating breakfast and at noon I am in a store with no recollection of having gone there.

So, I'd be curious to hear about your personal experience of time loss. I will tell you, as a mother, that I have never found any of my symptoms strong enough to interfere with my protective instinct for my daughter, except that I lose my temper, something I'm working on. But dissociation has never been an impediment to me caring for her, which I hope may be reassuring to you.

I imagine others will have more relevant experiences but hope this helps a little.

 

[jjh29]

Well it's only happened to me twice now. It's like a blackout, as in I don't remember anything. I don't know how long the first time was but I know the second time was around 2 hours. I know I do the zoning out type dissociation as well, which doesn't bother me. Well, except that I don't listen to things like I'm supposed to.:) It's the one with no memory that gets to me. My trauma is due to an alcohol blackout so I think alot of my worry stems there. The T has tried to reassure me that it's a normal response to stress sometimes and for me to try recognizing when it is happening and practice grounding. However, I didnt even know it happened till after it did, if that makes sense. I really hope that my motherly instincts stay with me during this happening because its just scary to not be aware. Your response about being a good mother even amidst your symptoms does help and make me feel better.

 

[jjh29]

I think I also worry if there are any weird behaviors while in that state.

 

[franciemarnie]

My understanding is that if you had multiple personality disorder, which I don't think from previous posts you do - then you might find yourself at the mall or someplace and you can't remember how you got there and you bought something you would never wear, and that sort of thing. You would have switched personalities.

With the other dissociation that can include black outs, my understanding and experience is you act like your normal self. No one could tell that I was in the least changed when it happened to me. My behavior, ethics, etc. were the same as when I was fully present.

Of course as you probably know, when we are loaded, different parts if the brain can close down so maybe a normally peaceful person becomes agitated or violent. But that is only under the influence. Having an alcoholic black out a few times doesn't change your brain so that you will involuntarily black out in the future when you are sober. But as is well known alcohol abuse in the long term can certainly harm us like with "wet brain", etc.

 

[franciemarnie]

Just an afterthought and side note.

I read an article last year that said the incidence of blackouts while drinking were much higher when the person drinking had high levels of stress hormones, especially cortisol. We know that flooding stress hormones injures the memory part of the brain cold sober anyway so adding alcohol to a stressed out body can be dangerous.

But the need for relief and release from stress is so great, it's understandable why people drink. I quit after high school because my alcoholic black outs were so terrifying, but that didn't stop me from getting addicted to painkillers years later.

Tranquilizers also can cause black outs.

 

[jjh29]

Oh yes Franciemarnie I don't drink like that anymore. When I do drink it's like a beer or two and that's it! I don't party like I used to because of what happened to me. Well I'm glad to know that during your dissociative episodes that your ethics are the same. I would feel so much better if I had someone to ask about myself. I feel that if I ask and hear from different people's experiences with it that maybe it will reassure me and make feel better? Plus it feels better to talk about it anyway.

 

[Life_in_the_Mist]

Just to second what Franciemarnie said, I have only blacked out maybe twice, and in both cases I just kept on doing what I was doing before until I came to. Keep in mind that dissociation's goal is to protect you, so although I think there are people who black out and do harmful things, I think it is more common not to. I can understand why you are scared though. I don't know if this is what you're worried about, but I saw a therapist who specialized in dissociative disorders for awhile and she mentioned that people who do criminal/violent things while blacked out are usually. 1. Unaware of their trauma or that they dissociate 2. Substance abusers and 3 (sorry if this offends anyone) men.

 

[jjh29]

Thank you for replying. I think I'm more scared that I would like wander off and leave my child alone or fall into a bad situation where someone could take advantage of me again. Those are really like the things I worry about.