Screw You Ptsd & Cars & Fear & Moodiness! Screw You!

[Cinnamon4z]

I am freakin sick of this ptsd so much! I don't much care anymore.
I have neither the time, energy nor will to just live like a pathetic worm
so afraid and moody all the time. Tonight at 8pm, i am going to take out
a tub of ice cream, tape my eyes wide open, and watch a bunch of car
crashes.
This is super messed up. I want control of my mind, body & life!

 

[Healing1129]

Oh I hear ya. I have those feelings a lot, where you're so frustrated that nothing is changing and you just want to "plug out" of the world for a bit. Movies are my go-to as well. And good for you for making a decision that you won't live like a "pathetic worm"! It has benefited me greatly to take a more proactive role in my PTSD. I hope you felt better after the ice cream and car crashes!

 

[Cinnamon4z]

No... I really had another flare up. My ptsd was from being rear ended last year. After watching a couple clips of car crashes, I just broke down and started shaking, crying and screaming.... Hate it

 

[Healing1129]

Oh I am so sorry! I misunderstood. Yeah, these flare-ups are exhausting. I'm still recovering from one and continue to be triggered everyday now.

 

[OneWing]

lol Nice try. I've done that, I tried playing racing videogames and driving like a maniac and crashing on purpose, in the games of course. Not a thing changes for me the PTSD doesn't stop. I wish it was it was possible to just fight or repress it for the rest of my life.
Once you experience trauma first hand, you have a new and deeper understanding of mortality and how frail life is. That cannot be unlearned.I have been dealing with it for over 2 years now. I have come to learn that the only way to make symptoms better is to stay away from stress.
Stress of any kind makes my side effects much, much worse. Nightmares, flashbacks, moodswings, depression. If I just stay away from stress then many of my symptoms subside to some extent.

 

[Healing1129]

I can relate to you on stress exacerbating PTSD symptoms. Whenever I have more stress, my reactivity toward triggers goes sky high and it's harder for me to get back on my feet. It doesn't help the healing process for me at all. I also try to avoid situations that will cause me stress. If a deadline is coming up, I'll make sure I have plenty of leeway to work on it so I don't have the stress of finishing it one time later on.

 

[holdenmonty]

I hear you guys on avoiding situations that will cause you stress but you can't always avoid it. It sounds like Cinnamon tried to do an extreme version of exposure therapy. I would say avoid exposure therapy unless you do it with your therapist. If you haven't seen a therapist about the stuff going on I would highly recommend seeing one. They can give you all kinds of tools to help you fight the feelings in the moment.

It isn't easy and it will be a little painful and a struggle but it's better then not truely living. I am not even close to 100% but I can say I'm better now then I was a year ago.

 

[Healing1129]

I agree with you, but let me clarify: I do not want to create stress, if that makes sense. Some situations are unavoidable and it's normal to have stress, but when I can finish things ahead of time instead of procrastinating, I will always choose finishing things first.

I have come a long way as well from the exposure that i have gone through, slowly but surely. It's been a year for me too! A lot of things don't trigger me as much or not at all.

 

[holdenmonty]

I totally am with you there healing. I think I read to much into your post before.

 

[Healing1129]

I totally am with you there healing. I think I read to much into your post before.

No worries, monty. Sometimes typed words can get lost in translation.