littleoc
VIP Member
I have gone through multiple plans in the last decade+ to try to get housing away from my mom's house. In the process, my mom died, my service dog died and I can't get another, every plan has failed in ways that are outside my control despite working so hard to make them work, and I've lost hope and am beyond frustrated.
Plan A failed because I'm too disabled to work and was taken advantage of so badly that I nearly died, plan B failed because I make 500$/mo on disability in the United States (which does not cover my bills), plan C failed because getting section 8 became a huge thing no one would help me with.
Section 8 problems being that I couldn't get accommodations i needed to get appropriate housing because the doctors/professionals who interrupt my appointments any time in order to assist other clients during their emergencies would not do the same for me. And the more I tried the more guilty they tried to make me feel for it.
So when I could have had everything ready to go in time for moving season, instead it was put off for pretty much an entire year, until all section 8 could give me was 30 days in December (aka when two weeks would be taken over by holidays) to find housing. Two weeks of which I ended up just being asleep for because I'm a f*cking sleep machine these days and can't feed or take care of myself anymore. And they won't give me any extensions of course.
People told me to not kill myself because things would get better, but they don't want to help me be stable enough to even try to get better anymore.
I don't know what another plan even looks like. I guess just going back to plan A and trying to not be a disabled piece of shit.
I hate myself so much. Everything keeps getting worse. If I could kill myself and make someone who wants to live be able to I would.
I don't even like being awake anymore. It's so stressful. I can barely go into the kitchen because it's so cluttered I can't look at it.
And with even doctors and therapists giving up on me and only acting to help if I'm literally killing myself actively or might, I'm just so f*cking tired. I guess I'm posting this for a sliver of hope but I doubt there's anything else to do
I may MAYBE inherit my mom's house. The house that I've been trying to get away from my entire life. So that's something to live in, destroying what's left of funding for a first house I hoped to get my now, though. It's like a sign from the universe to stop trying
I don't even know if I've mentioned all the plans I've had to go through to get anything. I fall through the cracks at every stage. All the optimism I used to be is just nothing. I hate trying so hard just to end up in a worse situation and wishing more and more to just kill myself already
Plan A failed because I'm too disabled to work and was taken advantage of so badly that I nearly died, plan B failed because I make 500$/mo on disability in the United States (which does not cover my bills), plan C failed because getting section 8 became a huge thing no one would help me with.
Section 8 problems being that I couldn't get accommodations i needed to get appropriate housing because the doctors/professionals who interrupt my appointments any time in order to assist other clients during their emergencies would not do the same for me. And the more I tried the more guilty they tried to make me feel for it.
So when I could have had everything ready to go in time for moving season, instead it was put off for pretty much an entire year, until all section 8 could give me was 30 days in December (aka when two weeks would be taken over by holidays) to find housing. Two weeks of which I ended up just being asleep for because I'm a f*cking sleep machine these days and can't feed or take care of myself anymore. And they won't give me any extensions of course.
People told me to not kill myself because things would get better, but they don't want to help me be stable enough to even try to get better anymore.
I don't know what another plan even looks like. I guess just going back to plan A and trying to not be a disabled piece of shit.
I hate myself so much. Everything keeps getting worse. If I could kill myself and make someone who wants to live be able to I would.
I don't even like being awake anymore. It's so stressful. I can barely go into the kitchen because it's so cluttered I can't look at it.
And with even doctors and therapists giving up on me and only acting to help if I'm literally killing myself actively or might, I'm just so f*cking tired. I guess I'm posting this for a sliver of hope but I doubt there's anything else to do
I may MAYBE inherit my mom's house. The house that I've been trying to get away from my entire life. So that's something to live in, destroying what's left of funding for a first house I hoped to get my now, though. It's like a sign from the universe to stop trying
I don't even know if I've mentioned all the plans I've had to go through to get anything. I fall through the cracks at every stage. All the optimism I used to be is just nothing. I hate trying so hard just to end up in a worse situation and wishing more and more to just kill myself already
