Seeing My T Tomorrow For First Time In 2 Months!

[FindingMyself88]

So my therapist has been out having surgery and recovering for 2 months. SOOOOOOO much has happened during these 2 months. Ive been seeing her friend which has been helpful but not the same. Thankfully I see her tomorrow and the next day (we were suppose to start EMDR) but I feel like I have SO much to tell her that I will forget something or I will do all the talking and not get anything done.

I am also kind of nervous to see her again- I don't know why. I think its that I fear that our relationship might've changed? I am not sure.

Her office is also suppose to be in a different house now (its a non profit and they own 3 houses side by side). I don't like that one bit. One because it is now in the main office which means I have to sit outside on the main porch (I don't like to sit in the lobby-- too many kids) and there will be more traffic. She is also upstairs now which is not good for me- my vertigo doesnt like stairs. Also it means having to come through the lobby to leave which will be difficult after hard sessions. I am normally not a person to mind change but this is bothering me more than it should...

 

[KwanYingirl]

I'm sorry you have difficulty navigating the office building. I had a therapist in a large community counseling agency. I share some of your dislikes, especially the kid thing and then leaving after intense sessions. My therapist always met me at another door and allowed me to leave that way too. Perhaps there's a compromise you can make. Like perhaps you can use a side door but you'll have to climb stairs if there's no elevator. Does chewing gum help your vertigo? A good minty flavor? Can you look just at the stair in front of you and not look up and take the whole staircase in at once? Can you put earbuds in your ears and listen to your iPod or phone

 

[FindingMyself88]

Thank you @KwanYingirl . My T is still going to let me sit on the porch and come get me so at least I won't have to climb them alone. Hopefully she will escort me as well. I know she will during EMDR sessions because we often go for a walk afterwards. I try to look at just one step but even then sometimes the vertigo hits randomly and I end up tripping. This happens at least twice a week just on the 6 steps we have at home. My T just had hip surgery so its probably not the easiest on her either. I can't listen to my iPod when out in crowds UNLESS i have my back to a wall. Otherwise I am incredibly hyper vigilant and spook incredibly easy.

 

[KwanYingirl]

Yeah, I didn't think of the vulnerability listening to the iPod. Well, here's hoping that you can pick up where you left off.

 

[FindingMyself88]

Thank you for the idea though and good thoughts. This is the second time she has been out for 6-8 weeks for surgeries (hopefully the last). Last time it was awkward the first day because the hour passed by way to quick and I didn't get to say everything. But atlas this week we have 2 sessions back to back days.

 

[KwanYingirl]

Namaste @FindingMyself88 change in routine is always difficult for me too.

 

[barefoot]

When I saw my therapist this week I hadn't seen her for three weeks because of holidays. I found that, while I was really looking forward to seeing her, I was also pretty nervous. I think it was about feeling like I needed to ensure everything was ok in our relationship - that I needed to spend time at the start establishing the relationship again to make sure it was still strong and that we still had a safe space. I think I was almost testing the boundaries and the relationship to make sure it felt ok to dive back in and pick up where we left off. And it was - we had a good session :-)

Mine changed buildings earlier this year and I was quite uncertain about that. It wasn't anything about liking her old room and not liking her new one - it was the change of 'our space' and everything that represented. Getting used to it now :-)

Hope it goes well.

 

[FindingMyself88]

I typically don't mind change at all. In fact I normally embrace it. But for some reason I'm having a hard time with this. Some of it is I really don't like stairs due to I fall on them at least 2-3 times a week. A big part of it is having to walk through the lobby after hard sessions. Her old office was in the administration house because they had only two buildings originally and ran out of room. So her house was quiet and empty for me to leave. I would also often sit on her porch for a while to ground before leaving and I won't feel safe to do that now. Last is her old office represents a very safe place for me. I know that it's just a room and all her stuff will be in the new one but still. Gosh I sound like a Child.

@barefoot you hit it on the head. It took me so long to truly trust that she is safe and I fear that like might've changed or that she will suddenly be tired of working with me. It's been a rough 2 months- what if she doesn't want to deal with me her first week back?

 

[barefoot]

I don't think you sound like a child at all. And I don't think a therapy room is 'just a room' - especially for trauma clients who find it difficult to trust!

My guess is that she'll be looking forward to seeing all her clients again after this long break - including you!

 

[KwanYingirl]

@FindingMyself88 good luck with your session. I still think there is something you can do about stairs. Depending on your insurance, you may want to consider Occupational therapy. These people specialize in teaching people to cope with their limitations in order to more fully experience their world. I would think vertigo is a condition that would definitely qualify you for services. Just a suggestion.

 

[FindingMyself88]

Thank you @barefoot I hope so. I see her in about 3 hours. I will share how it goes..

@KwanYingirl that will be something I can look into once I get on disability but right now all I have is charity care through insurance and its limited in what it covers. I manage okay if I am holding on and some days I am fine. But then some days the vertigo hits without warning and I end up almost face planting it on the steps.

 

[FindingMyself88]

Well I'm here a little early like always. It gives me time to settle my mind before session. One good thing is that she has not changed offices yet so yay! At least this way everything isn't thrown at me at one time. Will update afterwards!