Self Defense Classes

[Fadeaway]

Good idea? Bad idea? Has any one taken them, and did they help? Did they cause any problems?

Last night when I was trying to explain being triggered to my husband, I told him about a situation I was in with my ex, and how I still have nightmares about trying to fightback, but i might as well be tickling him with a feather. The nightmares remind me how weak I was and how I was unable to defend myself. My husband ended up showing me some self defense moves that I could have done. He thinks taking some self defense classes or martial arts would be a good idea. However as he was doing this, I started remembering certain things I had forgotten.

I just wanted to get other peoples opinions on this.

 

[Hashi]

My experience is yes, self-defence classes can be good, because a good self-defence class isn't about being some sort of ninja warrior. A good self-defence class is as much about staying present and scanning for possible dangers then avoiding them, as it is about dealing with danger.

If the self-defence class is about kicking multiple assailants to the ground and nothing else, I'd look for a self-defence class that is about avoiding that situation in the first place, then - as a last resort - dealing with it if it happens. Please note the "last resort" - it should not be the first focus of a good self-defence class. Defending yourself in an actual situation has a place in self-defence, but much more than that it should be about defending yourself against being in the situation.

Having said that, I think relationship violence can have dynamics that are beyond self-defence classes. I think what's key is recognising abuse in a relationship, because if you don't recognise it then you wouldn't take any steps against it. That, I think, is beyond the reach of a self-defence class and is more of a therapy issue.

If you recognise it as abuse at the time, and want to be able to defend yourself at the time, then yes - absolutely self defence classes can help.

 

[Suzetig]

I did martial arts to help me feel safer and more able to defend myself. I'm now a black belt in karate, which wasnt my aim when I started but I found an activity that I enjoy, with a strong social element and have gained in confidence along the way. While I could defend myself if I needed to, for me it's been more important to feel a sense of competence and mastery of something that's technically difficult.

I guess what I'm saying is self defence may be worth doing in its own right but you may also find it piques your interest and you gain something more out of it.

 

[Survivor2Thriver]

Excellent idea! Rule number one. Don't get angry. :)

 

[Lionheart]

I took classes to learn Shao-Lin Do karate when I was 13 years old. I reached brown belt status (one step below a black belt) and it was very good for my self-esteem as well as my physical development. I left when I could no longer afford the classes, but have never regretted the decision to learn to better defend myself.

 

[Changing4Best]

My husband was (he passed away) a black belt equivalent in Judo, and he taught me a few very basic moves. This was way before my PTSD diagnosis or my rapes.

Then, not too long after the rapes, maybe 5 years, I took a self defense class for women only, taught by a police officer at a gym. Personally, I had trouble with it due to having dyslexia, as I kept reversing left to right what I was supposed to do and messed my instructor all up. I even really whammed him on the foot one time, because he was expecting me to come from the other side. I felt good about that at least!

I think I did gain some confidence from both my hubby and my instructor on this, but I did not continue as my schedule and availability of rides conflicted. (I don't own a car). I'd say go for it. If it works out for you, great, if it doesn't, you could always quit.

Oh, and the thing about avoiding the situations in the first place is very important too. The police officer talked about all that too, like don't get out of your car in a deserted parking lot, if you have to walk alone at night, check behind you often and be alert for strange sounds, also just if for some reason something seems off, try to take a different route, etc. In fact, in general, it is not good to be predictable, if you can help it.

 

[Britt.f7]

I understand your dilemma. I am that way too. On one hand I think it would give me confidence, on the other I worry that I would be uncomfortable to do it. Hashi is correct about what to look for when going. I think that is sage advice.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I'd do an online dream analysis. Sometimes what you see isn't exactly what you get. It may be a lot more involved that needing to take self-defense classes.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I took a self defense course called Model Mugging where men in padded armor actually speak and act out the various ways one can be attacked. I was so empowered because the body has a memory.

I practice common sense in being safe wherever I can. It really helped me to become unfrozen in the various scenios. The men who did this are angels. One of mine had his wife murdered and by doing these mock attacks he was making a difference.

I loved it.

 

[Fadeaway]

@Solara The dream happens to be a specific event and my failure to be able to protect myself. The emotions of that event and how physically weak I felt. It is more like my mind is taunting me about how weak my body was.

 

[The Albatross]

I started with tai chi, went to karate, kung fu and taekwando. Animal forms made me laugh, I felt some empowerment with martial arts, and generally found it to be helpful. I did broad sword, saber, and fighting fan... also some cane.

 

[Wen]

I agree with what everyone is saying and a self defense class may help. I suggest trying one out. You don't have to commit to a series of classes, just go to one and see how it feels. There's many types out there; basic, Judo, Taekwondo, etc. and not only can they help you defend yourself but they also focus on your inner self and being calm.

OR.... another thought I had is when your taught by another person (husband, teacher) that triggers your past traumas with your ex, so maybe work out tapes that involve self defense moves may help? I did P90X and they had a Kempo work out which I loved. Lot's of punching, blocking, kicking, etc. It actually made me feel powerful punching the air and it works me out :woot:. I've even imagined my exes standing in front of me while I'm doing fast punches and I admit it... I smile and feel good (they really played a role in my past trauma's). There's kick boxing and others that not only provide you with some defense moves, but will actually build your muscles, strength and hopefully your confidence. A friend of mine is doing a Navy Seals work out program which involves combat and self defense moves. That may be a bit too extreme :eek:. Try and do whatever makes you feel comfortable and doesn't cause triggers.

I also wanted to comment about your nightmares. I have had many where I'm angry and trying to fight with someone horrible (no clue who) but I suddenly become very weak. Punching, kicking, running, everything feels like I'm doing it under water or mud. It's frustrating because I so badly want to hurt this person but I'm being stopped. I know it's something I need to explore more about and maybe (as Solara mentioned) there's more to look into then just learning self defense.