Self-hate

[AngelKeeperJ]

Really, will it ever go away if it's a lifetime feeling? I'm 56 and have felt this since I can remember. It comes and goes...but ALWAYS comes back like tsunami! It waits and comes when I am not watching for it!

 

[ms spock]

I am 43 and it does come and go for me too AngelkeeperJ. I am working on getting respite from the self hatred. I hope that you get some too.

 

[MissMacD]

I just turned 29 and it always hits me like a tsunami when I am least expecting it. Glad I am not the only person who feels this way, just knowing that someone else out there struggles too makes it a little more bearable.

 

[Abstract]

No answers Angelkeeper but me two (or it seems it is rather me four). I am 45. Sometimes I can't even hear myself think or speak over it.

 

[Rumors]

I can always think clearly when on the other side of that pain but when I am in the middle of it, I feel like I am drowning in self loathe. It's sad because I can actually be a delightful person but sometimes I can't get past the trauma enough to see that value. I actually have the perception that I have gotten what I deserve in life. Those things happened to me because I am despicable. I can hear my mind say it even though right now I don't feel that way.

Really sorry you are feeling like that, angel. I hope it passes quickly as I am quite sure you are worthy of love and respect. Wishing good things for you!

 

[ms spock]

It is hard and so painful when you are in the middle of a self hatred session. Such an unhappy place to be in the world.

 

[safenow]

When I as younger than 40, I had that same problem. However, once I learned what was causing it, and worked on changing things, I've never had that problem again. If I may, I'd like to share with you what I learned.

I grew up hating what I was forced to do, and then hating myself because I was doing it. I always tried to get other people to like me or love me or accept me, so I did whatever they wanted or demanded of me.

Then, I had a wonderful therapist who ask me what I wanted to be when I was growing up. I thought about that for a long time, because I wanted to so to be a nun or a pediatric doctor, or work at an orphanage. But I wasn't able to become any of those things. Finally, one day I handed him a sheet of paper with those answers on it, and he ask me what it was about them I wanted to emulate. I told him, and that let me know I could still do and be those things without being that title.

So I changed my life and began to do those things that made me feel good about myself. I've never looked back on that again.

 

[ms spock]

I grew up hating what I was forced to do, and then hating myself because I was doing it. I always tried to get other people to like me or love me or accept me, so I did whatever they wanted or demanded of me.

How did you stop trying to get other people to accept, like or love you safenow?

How did you stop doing what they wanted or demanded of you?

 

[safenow]

How did you stop trying to get other people to accept, like or love you safenow?

It was right after a burglary. The police were there, and the men who'd broke in were in the police car. My aunt came in and said, "It's not as though you were a virgin or something. Why are you so upset?" I tossed her out of my house, literally. I decided then and there, I would never tolerate that type of thing from anyone ever again. Especially from a family member. It was funny, part of that was my Uncle (not her husband) gave me his good conduct medal for doing that. He told me it was about time I stood on own two feet and got away from them. Many months later, after I got out of the hospital and gave birth to my rape baby, I had classes in assertiveness training and I put what I learned into use. I still have boundaries and I enforce them.

How did you stop doing what they wanted or demanded of you?

I wrote them out of my life. I won't tell you here what they did over the years to try to make me change my mind, but lets just say I was very determined to never ever do those things again.

Because I'm a multi, my last husband got me to do things for my uncle. Between the two of them things were going back to how they were before. When I came back to myself 100% I saw what was going on. I put my foot down, and when I got away from him, I never looked back. I never, since that time (1982) have allowed anyone to trick me into switching so I would do things I don't want to do, and I taught my little to allow me to come out 100% when anyone tries to do anything like that again.

 

[ms spock]

I guess another area to tackle in terms of self hatred would be in learning not to feel bad about yourself. Anyone got some good strategies in not feeling bad about yourself?

I could really do with some tips.

 

[Abstract]

Anyone got some good strategies

Sorry Miss Spock I can't think of any. I shall be "listening" too. Sorry you need them.

Was thinking and although I definitely found not setting boundaries or standing up for myself increased my self hatred and shame enormously (as soon as I stop my depressive and other symptoms increase) without that I still have these solid walls of self hatred that descend on me. Its like they are not connected to anything and yet I despise myself and to an extent that I can't think straight.

 

[therapybankrupt]

This is all my opinion and I am not a doctor. There were many pieces to this work which I did with my T and it has really helped me. I am going to give you the meat of this process in hopes it will help or give you a new way of thinking. If you want more I can elaborate.

Try to get in touch with the inner child and get to the root of the hate. Look at the guilt, blame or what ever is making you angry at yourself. Ask your inner child what you need, listen and be kind to yourself. Pay attention to your thoughts about yourself. Be very careful about even saying small negative things about yourself. The more you catch yourself and think about it as hurting a child you become kinder.

With lots of practice and time. I hope you will see yourself different. You will sit a little taller and those around you will notice! It takes a lot of undoing of old tapes and negative feelings. Depending how open and observant you are to the concept will make all the difference. Best wishes in the journey of healing for all of you beautiful people!

TB