• 💖 [Donate To Keep MyPTSD Online] 💖 Every contribution, no matter how small, fuels our mission and helps us continue to provide peer-to-peer services. Your generosity keeps us independent and available freely to the world. MyPTSD closes if we can't reach our annual goal.

Sexual Assault Sexual coercion?

LucyLou

Confident
He came home, after a drink about 3am....and was trying it on but I didn't want to and I honestly lost count of the amount of times I said no, stop....and he did stop when I told him too but also kept trying it on too. Then this morning, he asked if we were going to have sex before the little ones woke up and I said how I was tired because he kept waking me up and he said sorry and that was it for an hour, the little ones got up and went downstairs and when he heard them go dowmstairs, he said I'm just going to lay on top of you and I thought he was just messing around....but he pushed himself inside of me and it hurt me. I didn't tell him that, I don't know why I didn't tell him that. I even kissed him back. He didn't seem to think it was wrong, maybe he isn't wrong....it's not like I told him to get off me or stop and he was telling me how he loved me and I let him carry on. Maybe coercion?. I don't know why I'm sharing this. I just don't know what to think/feel about this. I don't want it to be another relationship where I feel worried about him going out drinking.
 
I wouldn’t say coercion, as there weren’t any threats or force used; but definitely unwanted, and unhappy about.

X10 as you posted this under Sexual Assault, instead of Relationships.

Unless you think that previous sexual assaults are why you were able to say no all last night, but went along with things once they were already happening, rather than telling him that it hurt, and to f*ck off?
 
He came home, after a drink about 3am....and was trying it on but I didn't want to and I honestly lost count of the amount of times I said no, stop....and he did stop when I told him too but also kept trying it on too. Then this morning, he asked if we were going to have sex before the little ones woke up and I said how I was tired because he kept waking me up and he said sorry and that was it for an hour, the little ones got up and went downstairs and when he heard them go dowmstairs, he said I'm just going to lay on top of you and I thought he was just messing around....but he pushed himself inside of me and it hurt me. I didn't tell him that, I don't know why I didn't tell him that. I even kissed him back. He didn't seem to think it was wrong, maybe he isn't wrong....it's not like I told him to get off me or stop and he was telling me how he loved me and I let him carry on. Maybe coercion?. I don't know why I'm sharing this. I just don't know what to think/feel about this. I don't want it to be another relationship where I feel worried about him going out drinking.
In my country this is sexual assault.
 
Personally I do this this is coercion. Having sex isn't something you should be pressured into doing. Even if what he did wasn't coercion, when he didn't stop after you asked him to during sex, that's rape.
I'm not sure how your relationship with your partner is but if I were in your position, I'd separate. I'm sure there's therapy you can go to if you want to save the relationship but this is a boundary I don't think can be recovered from.
 
I told my therapist about this and was referred to child services, as our children were in house at the time. They were downstairs, they saw/heard nothing. Have an assessment with child services tomorrow afternoon
 
Back
Top