Should I Go Back To Work?

[deleted]

I was a barista a small local coffee shop for about 6 months and I really loved the work-it became more of a hobby than a job! The customers were amazing and I genuinely loved working there.

Unfortunately I went though an event that caused my PTSD to resurface in a major way. I have had PTSD for 4 years from sexual abuse and a high school shooting. I was having panic attacks 1-3 times a day with many of them taking place at work since the tiniest things seemed to set me over the edge. All of this was not good for a fast paced business! I'm sure some of my "episodes" scarred my coworkers for life :P. I was a major bitch towards my coworkers while I was there and I regret that but no one has held it against me thankfully especially since I was on 800 different kinds of medication that seemed to change every day. All in all just not a great situation.

I took a leave of a absense in Sept and was supposed to come back Nov. but I unfortunately was in a mental hospital for a suicide attempt. I still haven't gone back and honestly things have continued to get worse for me. But I'm broke. As in really broke. As in I have $4 in checking, and 0.83 in savings.

I need to go back to work and I loved that job so much and I'm hoping that since I am technically on leave and not laid off/quit that I can just come right back in. But at the same time I know that it's just going to be as bad, if not worse, than it was before. I know it's a bad idea and for my own mental health I need a lot more time to work through this recent shit that has caused all of this but because of finances I don't know if I have a choice.

Plus they hired 2 new people to replace me after I left so what if I have no job to go back to? Jobs where I live are extremely scarce.

I don't know what to do!

 

[Kintsugi]

Do you think it would be possible to go back on a part time basis, picking up odd shifts while you look for more suitable employment?

I am surprised to hear that jobs are scarce in a big city like Denver. I wish I knew more about the area so that I could point you in one direction or another. I can say that I know how a fast-paced and chaotic environment can really aggravate symptoms, and I hope you find a slower-paced, more relaxed job to replace your position as a barista.

 

[HoosierGal]

I was recently in a very, very similar situation to you. Won't go into detail here but long story short, I became suicidal from PTSD that stems from sexual abuse, and had to take 6 months out of my part-time job and my college classes.

Like you I found my bank account suffering. I made the decision to go back. I decided to find a therapist first - someone I could meet once a week. This way, I know that no matter how hard it is to get through life back in the "real world" I have someone to talk to once a week. This really helps and I think it would help you a lot. Just having that safe place to go once a week.

I also told my boss about my PTSD. This is a decision that may or may not help you, but it helped me. My boss is very understanding. This way I don't feel so guilty if I DO have to miss a day. Its easier to miss a day here or there than to force yourself to go to work everyday until you have a breakdown.

I've been back to work for 1 week. So far , so good. I've actually found that being back at work has helped my confidence level - and my piggy bank, of course :)

Trust yourself, and good luck!

 

[Upside Down Eagle]

That´s a tough one, I know what it´s like wanting to go back to a job you loved.
But it does sound like a stressful and pretty demanding job where you´d need to be in a quite strong place, if you want to go home feeling sane and return the next day.

I am always wondering at the US and the fact that you guys seem to have very strict disability income laws, have you looked into that? Or if you would like to go back to work, I think Simon´s advice is great. Maybe you can do something to ease yourself back into the workforce, that isn´t quite so demanding and crowded. If your boss is understanding, maybe you can take your barista job back when you´re feeling stronger.

 

[hodge]

Part-time work might be better for you now. And I would urge you to apply for disability. You can still work if you're on it -- up to certain income limits. But I'd recommend a lawyer who specializes in it to help you get it. I know how devastating it is to apply for disability, but that's what it's there for. You have to take of yourself.

 

[The Albatross]

You've got a heck of a reason (your bank account) to attempt to go back to work. The disability process is dicey at best. I'd try to take any openings... even intermittent on call to get back to the job that you enjoyed. Know well and understand completely that at times the financial bottom line can necessitate actions. Knowing the bottom line sometimes can help me be my better/best self on the job?

 

[ghotiff]

It seems that your boss likely knows at least some of your symptoms (from when you left). Can you chat with your boss saying you loved your job, your not not sure you're quite ready to come back but your bank account needs you to, and is there an option for something paid that's less stressful and less hours.

Maybe your boss can think of a need they have that you could fill, eg maybe prepping the store for service, or cleaning up after service for eg 1hr a day?