Should I Push Myself To Get A Job?

[melody]

I'm not sure if this is the right place to post this, but here goes...

Some days I'm too scared to venture out the front door, and I don't. But on the days I force myself, I take my dog Xena. I got her almost two years ago and named her after the warrior princess, because she is my warrior princess. She goes everywhere with me and where she can't go, I don't. Well except for one place, the hospice... I started volunteering there quite a few years ago and I currently cover 2-3 shifts a week. All the doors to this hospice are locked at all times and no one gets in without permission, so I feel completely safe there. And to make it even better, the volunteer co-ordinator knows all about my PTSD and she's very supportive. I don't have a steady shift, so when I'm having a rough go, I just don't go in. But like I said, I usually go in 2-3 times a week.

My last trauma happened at work, so I'm covered by WSIB and they told me to stop worrying about trying to get back to work because they will pay me until I'm 65. Their therapists and psychologists told me I will never be able to function properly in a full time job and to stop putting stress on myself. But I grew up in a home that if you weren't working, you were useless, so what do I do? Do I push myself to take on a full-time job? Should I put myself through that kind of stress if I don't need to? Or should I just be happy doing what I'm doing?

Melody

 

[Frankie]

Hi Melody,

First of all, what you are already doing is beneficial to you and to the people you visit...so you should feel proud of yourself for starting that :)...And you are doing it on your terms....which is great !

Xena is helping you go out and that is great ! You force yourself to get up and venture outside, for now with Xena, later on you will be able to do it on your own....baby steps Melody, remember that :)

My exbf volunteers with his dog, at the Vet hospital where he is being treated :) And like where you go, even there doors are locked, very secure place !

The good thing about you getting paid from the company where you worked means you don't have to worry or stress about your finances....which is a load of your shoulders, for sure !

I understand how you feel about being brought up believing that having a job....means being "worthy" but please, don't think like that anymore....You know that if you could, you would be working at a full-time job...but for now, you can't !

And most importantly, you already are working, yes volunteer work....but still going out and doing something, you have pushed yourself to do that:) Plus, you have a home, husband and daughters to take care of, a full-time job in itself...and to be proud of !

However, should you really want to have a job outside of your home....you can maybe start part-time, even 1 day per week...and see where it goes from there :).....Just don't put any added pressure or stress on yourself...give yourself time !

Hugs.......Frankie

 

[Deleted member 541]

I would not recommend that you push yourself to get a job......If you can't make it to your volunteer work/job on the shifts that you are supposed to work, then you couldn't possibly expect yourself to work a 5 day work week.....

Work more on yourself, your trauma and then I would revisit the idea of working in a year or so, to see if you have made any improvement......

 

[melody]

Thank you (both) for your input, it's truly appreciated. :smile:

After I was held up at work, I thought that if I went back to school (mostly online), and changed careers, that everything would be good, but it's not. I have times when things start to seem like normal and then BAMM, I get triggered and the things that I had started to be able to do, I just can't. I just can't seem to give myself the approval to go easy and stop worrying about what everyone else (family mostly) thinks.

Melody