Six Ways to be The Persecutory Therapist *cue the thunder and lightning*

[ms spock]

The one thing that my psychiatrist was really good at was helping my keep BS alive and navigating his complex health problems through multiple specialists and medical systems. What words to use to get the important tests to be done. How to make sure all his hernias didn't go off with those consequences.

She got angry at me for not insisting that BS did exercise every day. She told me to be like a Sargent Major. I could not do this. She hammered on me for months about that. It was such a waste of therapy time.

I cannot control BS.

 

[ms spock]

I have tried I have put the effort in.

I realised that I was not making progress with my psychiatrist. So I took courses, read books and did a ton of other things.

I enrolled in a Diploma in Counselling and a Masters degree in Counselling because I thought if I could learn to communicate her way maybe I could communicate in a way my psychiatrist would hear.

I went to see a trauma informed counsellor.

When I started with my trauma informed counsellor. Her approach was the opposite to my psychiatrist's approach.

My trauma informed counsellor wanted me to be and connect with my body.

She talked a lot about our relationship so I could be honest with her.

She let B me email her. We have a connection.

She wanted me to stop doing all the courses I was doing. There were a few not available in Australia so I would get up at 3am in the morning to do them. Or 2am or 5am.

Not good for sleep hygiene but I was desperately seeking to be understood.

I was desperately trying to get things together.

I felt so terribly guilty for resting. So I didn't tell my psychiatrist because I just couldn't cope with her criticisms, denigration and attitude I was being lazy for not doing more. I did really try but I couldn't do things that I couldn't do.

And bit by bit with my trauma informed counsellor and I have connected, and bit by bit I connected to myself.

I just can't tolerate any more disdain from my psychiatrist.

I don't think my psychiatrist understood that if you are so profoundly dissociated into a lot of your bparts, that you can't feel yourself, it doesn't matter how much you do or run around. You don't make progress. Because you aren't there. Or only one part of you is there.

I was not lazy. I am not lazy. I really put effort into my recovery.

 

[ms spock]

This thread has been useful for me. Folks responded and I found that grounding and the validation helped me be less anxious and panicky. I didn't feel so alone and isolated. And ashamed. She's into shaming in a substantial way at this time.
My PTSD cup is overflowing about other things. I don't have time for this shite.

I wrote an email to my psychiatrist, in great detail, because she is a boomer who can't keep her email together.

(rough example but you get the idea).

Drug 1
How many I have - no repeats.

Drug 2
Have four boxes left - authority script finished. No repeats.

Drug 3
How many nights left - one repeat left

Drug 4
How many I have left - one repeat.

I was pretty detailed in providing her the exact amount of medication I have left.

And this situation continues to be bewildering.

She sent me a letter saying:

Hi XXXX,

Not sure I really understood what scripts you needed. Will sort out later.

Kind regards,
Your Psychiatrist
______________________

So the two things that I can do is send her

Drug name - one email.
How much left
How many days that covers
Repeat status

Drug name - second email.
How much left
How many days that covers
Repeat status

Drug name - third email.
How much left
How many days that covers
Repeat status

Drug name - fourth email.
How much left
How many days that covers
Repeat status

I have not had to do throughout the last two decades. But as a lot of other rules have changed without notice. I will just give it my best shot.

The days covered by the medication I have is the only information that I didn't provide. So I will do that tonight.

And after that I give up I guess.

Or come up with another strategy.

I am resilient and creative.

I will find a way to manage this.

My partner is really ill. So I need to focus on that.

There are other things to do.

 

[gorgonzola]

I'd suggest doing the calculation of the dates you start dying for want of a new script for each medication as well. Just to possibly save a snail mail go-around cycle.

 

[Dark.Green.Feathers]

And this situation continues to be bewildering.

She sent me a letter saying:

Hi XXXX,

Not sure I really understood what scripts you needed. Will sort out later.

Kind regards,
Your Psychiatrist

I’ve had this from professionals before, making efforts to spell out exactly what I need, and getting this kind of response. It’s very demoralising, especially when self-advicacy takes as much energy and effort as it does.