Six Ways to be The Persecutory Therapist *cue the thunder and lightning*

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I emailed my psychiatrist that I had received my scripts.

This lets her know that I have received them.

This is a standard communication for us.

 

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My psychiatrist got into my head.

I am feeling fearful of being judged as not good enough or that I am not trying hard enough.

She was exhausting to deal with.

Hopefully it will be only another few emails.

 

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I have a trauma informed counsellor who has been discussing my relationship with my psychiatrist for 5-6 years now.

And I have this thread so I can vent about this and this forum to read. People who understand. Or if they don't understand are kind.

I can never express how important this has been for me.

I can't imagine the impact on a client for what a psychiatrist behaving, like my psychiatrist has behaved like towards me, without these types of support.

My trauma informed counsellor says that I am giving my psychiatrist too much power. That she's not as aware as I think she is.

But she attacked me and my vulnerabilities. So it is confusing. I will probably never know what is happening with my psychiatrist.

It is possible that my trauma somehow hooked into her trauma. That, she, herself has attachment issues. I probably will never know.

 

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I was looking at all this research and there would be some of it that I would send to my psychiatrist. That is a change. I know her interests.

 

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If I perhaps kept my intellect dampened down, maybe if I hadn't had as many intellectual conversations, that could have prevented this?

Did I offend her ego?

That was part of the fawning so probably not. I don't have much control over the fawning.

She didn't understand how dissociated and fragmenting I was/am.