So Another Round Of Chit Chat And Biscuits And Sod All Achieved...

[BV101]

oh clucking bell. The day of disaster. Well it isn't but you get the idea. Another day of drama for me... sigh...

child handling, 2 job interviews... yeah they are just like f*cking train crashes at the moment. The other half hit herself in the face on the door... mental visit to the docs. Its all a bit of a mess. I'm trying to drag my apathetic arse into gear I really am. When the wife hit the door with her face, it had swung open and she got a right crack, she was screaming in pain, blood, the works. I stood there looking and said, f*ck me, I bet that kills! Thats not right. I know its not. But I never had that big moment of she needs caring for. Nothing... Whats that about?

I just feel so drained. Just tired of life really. And visiting the mental doctor. Hows that supposed to fix things? My old boss Divjak (you'll know him Jan, the biggest Serb in an Armija BiH cammo suit) just got pulled for war crimes (I may hide under the bed for a bit) and its like it happened last week for me. In my head there is nothing post 1995. It just isn't on my radar. And nothing seems to be dragging me out of the mire.

Balls... This hasn't come out how I wanted it when I look at it on the screen. Does it make sense? Because very little is making sense to me at the minute.

Still, you've got to laugh though eh?

 

[Koala]

Hey Al.


I dont know if this is going to help or hinder but here goes.


I went to a councilor about the time I was thinking of divorcing my first wife, to see if it was me or her...


I tried to explain that in five years I had been on one deployment for 5 months, back in Aus for 8 odd weeks, another deployment, home for dieing dad said goodbye and back to deployment, dad died 3 days after returning to deployment, then back to Aus, married, another deployment, leave the Army, first child and heading for divorce. Divorce..


He looked at me and went "and how did this make you feel?" he was not engaged and seemed totally disinterested.


My response, "WHAT!!! have you ever served, have you got kids, have you been divorced" I was pissed, he angered the hell out of me... I looked at him and said to myself, f*cking civi what the f*ck would you know... That was 9 years ago and I had not been to another therapist since until 3 months ago.


The new therapist is awesome, she will redecorate her office if anything pisses me off, like the ticking clock. Not to go into too much detail but I started the sessions with my wife and I was fine in the office, but then started individual sessions and started to freak out, so asked if I could move the chair right into the corner of the office where I felt safe, of course was the response. Even if she has a session planned she will put her agenda on hold to hear about a f*cked up day I have had, and then she will help me analyse it to find out what happened and why.


Basically what I am trying to say is that if your doc isn't helping and you dread visiting, tell him / her about how you feel, they may suggest another doc or they might change their style. Don't give up as they can be a huge help.