So I Read An Email...

[chameleon]

As the title says, I read an email when I was in sixth grade that had proof that my mom was cheating on my dad and had to keep it a secret for about a year before they finally divorced. (I did'nt tell anyone about the email until after they were divorced so I had nothing to do with their separation).

My therapist says I have PTSD from the whole situation. I have no memories of that year of my life but I'm still skeptical that its actually PTSD and not just a dissociative disorder. After reading many of the other survivor stories I kind of feel like a jerk even being on this forum as my trauma really doesn't compare... at all. However, I did try killing myself quite a few times during that year... I think... as I have sketchy memories of me trying to hang myself in the basement. Why would I try to hang myself? Well I figure the whole overwhelming stress of the situation kind of set off a reaction in my head that really messed me up there for a while... who knows maybe it is PTSD.

Well theres my introduction but I also have a few questions that I haven't been able to find answers to in my research on PTSD and Dissociative disorders.

1. What is the difference in symptoms between dissociative amnesia (selective amnesia to be more specific) and PTSD?

2. Do you all think its possible that i might actually have PTSD from this? I rarely, if ever, have flashbacks and am not consciously avoidant of talking about the situation at all which makes me think that I have a dissociative disorder instead of full blown ptsd.

3. Also I have nonstop depersonalization and feel like im living in a cloud all the time... is there anyway to fix this?

 

[Abbi]

I am sorry you had to endure something like that at an early age. For myself, I don't want to "rate" other peoples experiences.

Sounds like your question is did your experience(s) meet diagnostic criteria for PTSD? I don't know that is for a competent professional to decide after proper testing.

I think if you have questions there is nothing wrong at looking at the criteria yourself, nor seeking a second opinion. Be your own advocate. I was misdiagnosed a number of years and was completely passive about it...wish I had that time back.

Google 'DSM-IV-TR PTSD', this is the most updated manual and exceedingly easy to find the criteria. No matter what, you are in pain, that is valid and I applaud your steps to heal yourself. Good luck and take care of yourself.

 

[amethist]

Hi chameleon

Welcome to the forum.

PTSD is definitely not something to be taken lightly, whether you fit the criteria or not, is really up to a good therapist to acknowledge. But there is no reason why you cannot read through the criteria yourself, you can do this by clicking on the link below here.

[DLMURL]http://www.ptsdforum.org/c/threads/what-is-traumatic-enough-for-ptsd.13846/[/DLMURL]

It actually sounds more like sever depression that you are/where suffering from originally, which if severe enoug, could lead you to try and end your life.

I would seriously look into the depression first, which is curable, where PTSD is not.

Amethist

 

[chameleon]

Thanks for the replies and thanks for not "rating" my experience.

Its interesting that Amethist would bring bring up "severe depression" as I have actually been diagnosed by my psychiatrist with major depression w/ psychotic features.... dead on analysis there amethist. And thanks to both of you for recommending to look up the DSM IV criteria for PTSD, it has been helpful.

The one thing I've noticed that keeps from having the diagnosis of PTSD in my opinion, ( not trying to self diagnose or anything, I have read the post on the dangers of self diagnosis), is the fact that I'm ok with going back to the house that all of this happened in as well as talking about the trauma in general or even specific aspects that I do remember( which is very little).

I do have social anxiety however and a heightened sense of startle response and as said before can remember very small amounts of the incident or the year afterwards.

I'm curious if the aforementioned symptoms (startle response, agoraphobia, as well as repressed memories) are enough to meet the diagnostic criteria for avoidance symptoms or if it is also necessary to not want to re experience the trauma which I'm perfectly ok with doing.

Any further advice or suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

 

[Abbi]

The criteria build on each other....to get to B you must first pass A.

Its not about rating personal experience to you...things can be personally devastating to someone and not meet the Criteria set out in section A for PTSD is the DSM-IV-TR.

Like Amethist I would look at other things before PTSD. Heck take the DSM into your therapist and say lets talk about this.

 

[MurphyJB]

I'm not trying to be a bitch by asking this, but how is this a trauma?
I'm not an expert by any means, but I don't get it.

 

[chameleon]

MurhpyJB, if you read my post you would see that,

1. I dont believe my issues compare to anyone else's on this forum.

2. Having said that... it did happen to me as a child.

Prolonged stress and internal conflict can cause Post Traumatic Stress especially in children. My therapist with over 38 years of experience said I have PTSD. I believe him.

To be honest I dont get it either. But in the end I will trust the experts which I have talked to about this. I'm more concerned by the symptoms that this "Trauma" caused instead of the actual trauma itself. I dont give a damn that I read an email that my mom cheated. I really just dont care. What does concern me is my inability to remember any of my childhood, constant depersonalization as well as severe depression w/ psychotic features causing a psychotic episode that lasted over 2 years.

So cut me a break. please.

 

[MurphyJB]

Im sorry if I offended you. I wasn't trying to be mean.
I don't think you should compare traumas...ever. It's not fair.
I was really just curious because nearly the same thing happened to me when I was younger.
I can remember my childhood...but have had other symptoms like yours. The therapists I've talked to have basically told me I need to get over my childhood.

I'm sorry you're hurting and dealing with this.

 

[allitherapy]

Chameleon, welcome. To meet the criteria for PTSD, you had to have experienced an event well outside the range of normal, physical violence, sexual violence, etc. on yourself or witnessed on another. Reading an email just doesn't fit the diagnostic criteria for PTSD. I'm sure what happened was very traumatic for you and I'm sure it traumatized you. That doesn't mean you can be accurately diagnosed with PTSD. A lot of symptoms of PTSD overlap with other disorders. If I were in your position, I would get a second opinion. You haven't mentioned anything that would warrant a PTSD diagnosis, but then again, you haven't told your life story in this post. You mentioned a "psychotic episode that lasted over 2 years". I'm not sure what you mean by that, but if you really had a psychotic episode for that long, I am very concerned for you. I hope you realize that the diagnosis doesn't matter as much as the help you are receiving. If it's PTSD, depression, whatever, just make sure you get yourself a therapist who can best help you.

 

[chameleon]

Its alright I got a little defensive there. Usually when people say "I'm not trying to be a bitch" they are usually being one. I was wrong and I apologize if i gave off a bad vibe.

But yeah my dad tells me to get over it sometimes which my response is " I am over it." but all of the mental health pros I've been to think that there is something more to it. I dont see it myself at this age why it would be traumatic... as a little kid though I could possibly see it being pretty rough.

Why I reacted how I did ( multiple attempted suicides) is really beyond me at this point. Im only staying in therapy for anxiety and major depression but my shrink thinks that the email situation is the cause of these two disorders. And I'm sorry the same thing happened to you. If I could remember what happened I wouldnt be so curious into delving into what happened.

What ever made me forget that particular year of my life is really what I'm looking to find in therapy.

Just for my own curiosity's sake... how old were you when this situation happened to you?

Once again sorry that I got defensive.