Social Anxiety After A Party

[Justmehere]

I went to and ugly christams sweater party. How is this a thing? When did Christmas become about ugly things? I was too nervous to go without my service dog.

They did the vote on the sweaters by cheering. I dressed my service dog instead of me, happily approved by the hosts.... and almost no one cheered when it was my turn. I wasn't trying to win, just fit in, I really didn't care. But wow, it felt bad to stand in front of everyone. That was a bad idea....

No one knows I have the service dog for PTSD except one person there. Maybe it made it all the more awkward. People bring non-service dogs to the outdoor public place where we had the party all the time...

Lots of people complimented the dog. But somehow, the feeling of standing up and not being cheered for when others were... ouch.

Social anxiety is in overdrive now. Trying to remind myself learning to tolerate those moments will help.

My dog also broke her training a lot - which is odd. I'm tired and overwhelmed tonight. I want to be someone I'm not. I want to be someone without PTSD.

 

[Deleted member 30036]

The fact that you made it out of the house into a party in the first place is something to be proud of as for your anxiety it will level out :) maybe try pushing you anxiety and staying in places that give you about a 6-7 out of 10 anxiety and stay there til you anxiety levels are about 2-3 atleast this is thats what i was told to do :) and again very good job getting to the party in the first place :)

 

[gealach]

I'm sorry and confused that you didn't get any cheers. It was an awesome idea! Personally, a dog in an ugly Christmas sweater would have cracked me right up, and I would have been cheering very loudly (and I don't enjoy anything right now, so...). ok I'm actually losing it right now just with the mental picture :hilarious::roflmao::laugh::joyful: you and your dog have my vote, can you attach a picture? (if it's ok to ask)

The lack of cheering says nothing about you, but speaks volumes about those humbug people.

:hug: to you and your dog

 

[Deleted member 541]

@Justmehere As I've mentioned before, "sometimes people just suck". Maybe you're trying too hard to "just fit in". I know that you are lonely, wanting friends, and are feeling pretty much left out. It's hard, and it's a rotten place to be too. I've been there. What I did, was I just stopped trying so hard. I pretty much just decided to be me, warts included and if people couldn't accept me for who I am, then screw 'em, they weren't worth MY time.

This took me from a place of what I thought were many friends, to a place of a few very close friends. One of those friendships has lasted through all sorts of ugly shit, arguments, laughs and heartbreak through the past 33 years.

 

[Justmehere]

What I did, was I just stopped trying so hard. I pretty much just decided to be me, warts included and if people couldn't accept me for who I am, then screw 'em, they weren't worth MY time.

I tried this and ended up with no one. Then I tried to change me and became the person who was changing until that's all I was to everyone.

Now I'm trying something different. I'm not changing what I can't change right now for anyone (or else I would have left my service dog home and simply spent more time in the bathroom grounding.) I am trying to fit in, as I am. Like a dog in a sweater instead of me. Because I am so tired of being so alone.

My dog acted up all evening after that and I'm frustrated about that too. I didn't train this group of friend well on how to behave around a service dog. The lighted Christmas dog sweater probably just confused everything all the more.

It was a good idea. I wasn't trying to win didn't want to win. They did a Halloween contest and everyone voted by slips of paper. Not standing in front of a group to see how many or how few cheered. These friends are kind and messy people. It was just a crap way to do a vote. Like Merry Christmas here's an awkward thing to do.

I regularly do public speaking on a several things so it wasn't standing in front of a crowd or even losing the audience... it wasn't losing...

It was just, why did I even bring the dog? I spent the whole night trying to get her to chill. Normally it's not a thing. And to stand in front of them all with a disability related thing, and to have someone tell people to cheer for you and get crickets? I set myself up to feel like crap. I think I would have felt bad if they did cheer a lot.

One guy I like said he loved the dogs get up and my dog. Even when she was a spaz.

I wish I could try the be myself and screw em if no one likes me approach but I did that and had no one. No friends no family no job no nothing. And I became a very depressed and angry person no one wanted to be around. I did everything to hide it and treat it - obsessively - and just be the happy cheerful me but it all leaked out.

Trying to do something to fit in. I just don't want to always in every circumstance be so alone.

 

[Deleted member 541]

If it were me, I would strive for 1or 2 good friends and screw the rest. But we're all different and we all have different goals, wants and needs. I hope you can find the balance that you are looking for.

 

[Justmehere]

Thanks for the encouragement - I recognize it works better for some.

I guess I should clarify this wasn't really about the numbers of friendsor the stupid contest or having friends or no friends or being myself or not.

My post was about new and very strong social anxiety that happens after being publically shamed due to trauma. That's all.

Friends or no friends, I'm struggling with ordinary social interactions and holiday experiences because of being publically humiliated in the past related to my trauma. The anxiety would be there no matter the numbers of friends.

Anyhow it was a dumb stressed out post and I'm sorry.

 

[gealach]

Anyhow it was a dumb stressed out post and I'm sorry.

You have nothing to apologize for, nothing to feel bad about here, and it wasn't a dumb post at all. Don't be so hard on yourself. You were stressed and feeling bad, and needed to talk about it - exactly what this forum is for, and we're here to support each other so post away.