I know it is true, but no matter how much I wish it wasn't...some people just never see the light.
I just got back from a mini vacation with my son, sister and niece to my mother's home in sunny, beautiful California. It was a nightmare, as usual.
While it was a nightmare, I was also able to get just a little more clarity with regards to my relationship with my mother. While I have the usual reactions of anger and depression at her behavior, I am able to see how detached from reality she really is. When I lay in bed at night, I am able to literally hear and feel things "breaking loose" inside my head. Anyone else experience this?
As I was interacting with my mother, I noticed that she NEVER has anything positive to say in regards to me. I showed her the beautiful website I have been building, dedicated to domestic violence survivors and witnesses, and asked her what she thought. Her reply....."yes,it's very good...for you." Like, I am too stupid to build a website and my effort is fine enough....given my limited capabilities.
She also tried to tell me what I was feeling as a child, being bullied every single day and therefore unable to focus on my studies. According to her....I was "bored". I tried explaining that even if the material was stimulating enough, I still would have failed because I was distracted by the pain I was suffering. Her immediate reply was "well, I'm lucky because, blah...blah...BLAH! She had the chance to say something caring and empathetic....like..."I'm so sorry that you went through that. I understand now why it was so difficult for you to learn and grow." Nope. She made it all about her.
So many other little things....like making fun of me and trying to pass it off as a joke. Like saying that sometimes kids need to be slapped to get their attention. I explained that it is NEVER okay for some to hit another person three times smaller...that it was abuse. It went in one ear and out the other.
When we pass homeless people on the street, I give whatever is in my pocket...no questions asked. I don't even care if they have a sign saying they need change for alcohol. My only thought is "there by the grace of God go I." I could be the one on the street with a substance abuse problem and no home....so I give. Not her. Her reply is "well, some of them choose this lifestyle. I only give the the ones who don't." As if they have some sort of sign tattooed on their foreheads distinguishing the "choosers" and the "hit by hard timers."
Yes...Every time I visit, I am given a little more insight as to what kind of person my mother is. She is selfish...narrow minded...materialistic...cold hearted...abusive....and the list goes on. As a child, I can only imagine how hard it was for me growing up, and why I turned out CRAZY....:D
I just got back from a mini vacation with my son, sister and niece to my mother's home in sunny, beautiful California. It was a nightmare, as usual.
While it was a nightmare, I was also able to get just a little more clarity with regards to my relationship with my mother. While I have the usual reactions of anger and depression at her behavior, I am able to see how detached from reality she really is. When I lay in bed at night, I am able to literally hear and feel things "breaking loose" inside my head. Anyone else experience this?
As I was interacting with my mother, I noticed that she NEVER has anything positive to say in regards to me. I showed her the beautiful website I have been building, dedicated to domestic violence survivors and witnesses, and asked her what she thought. Her reply....."yes,it's very good...for you." Like, I am too stupid to build a website and my effort is fine enough....given my limited capabilities.
She also tried to tell me what I was feeling as a child, being bullied every single day and therefore unable to focus on my studies. According to her....I was "bored". I tried explaining that even if the material was stimulating enough, I still would have failed because I was distracted by the pain I was suffering. Her immediate reply was "well, I'm lucky because, blah...blah...BLAH! She had the chance to say something caring and empathetic....like..."I'm so sorry that you went through that. I understand now why it was so difficult for you to learn and grow." Nope. She made it all about her.
So many other little things....like making fun of me and trying to pass it off as a joke. Like saying that sometimes kids need to be slapped to get their attention. I explained that it is NEVER okay for some to hit another person three times smaller...that it was abuse. It went in one ear and out the other.
When we pass homeless people on the street, I give whatever is in my pocket...no questions asked. I don't even care if they have a sign saying they need change for alcohol. My only thought is "there by the grace of God go I." I could be the one on the street with a substance abuse problem and no home....so I give. Not her. Her reply is "well, some of them choose this lifestyle. I only give the the ones who don't." As if they have some sort of sign tattooed on their foreheads distinguishing the "choosers" and the "hit by hard timers."
Yes...Every time I visit, I am given a little more insight as to what kind of person my mother is. She is selfish...narrow minded...materialistic...cold hearted...abusive....and the list goes on. As a child, I can only imagine how hard it was for me growing up, and why I turned out CRAZY....:D
