General Some time off

[grimalkin]

It's been quiet the last couple of weeks, on the supporter section here, and even at home.

I'll be taking some time off from the board - moving day for me is around the corner, but before that happens, I'll be gone for over a week, helping my mom move as well. So in the next week, I have to finish packing up my life, again, and try to be at home in another house that won't be mine, not really.

Living with someone with PTSD, even if I didn't know it, had me sacrificing and compromising almost everything I enjoy in a home, and then get told it STILL wasn't enough compromise on my part. And then watching him spiral out of control while I did what he insisted, and started actually settling in, creating and enforcing boundaries...it's all just still raw right now.

So, in one week, I fly to Iowa to bring my mom to HER new home, here in the desert. I'll be gone a bit more than a week. Then a hectic week of finishing the details, and moving in with my mom. She promises she can welcome me, and it will be OUR home. I know better; but, hope springs eternal, and she really has changed the last couple of years. There is a very real possibility that she and I can coexist peacefully and happily while I get my feet back under me. I've learned to create and keep my boundaries, so it will be interesting to see what she and I can learn from each other, now, after a lifetime of...life. And, I'll have my own space, so I can have at least one sanctuary.

So, I'll be incognito for a few weeks at least, while I move two households and try not to go crazy in the process. Much luck and love to everyone in your journeys meanwhile. Stay strong, try to stay sane, and know you are not alone.

See you on the other side!

 

[Sighs]

Good luck - hope it goes okay. :hug:

 

[Sweetpea76]

This sounds like a good change for you... good luck with the move!

 

[LuckiLee]

Good luck with everything! Sounds like it's what you both need. A new beginning!
You're lucky to have your Mom still. I miss mine every day and wish we were able to connect on a deeper level before she passed. I hope things go smoothly for you both. If it gets to stressful you know where we are.

 

[grimalkin]

Well, part one accomplished! Mom has arrived in her new home.

My soon to be split household is a bundle of nerves - he is pretty symptomatic, there is a lot of all or nothing and other disordered thinking. I'm an emotional mess - there literally is no room in my mom's new house for me or ANY of my things...like even a bed is iffy right now. I might have to use my mover's storage service, which would suck.

And I seem to be going through some sort of backlash of "nononono I don't want this, I don't want us to be done, I don't want to be the just the latest of women who 'don't get it.'" It's very much a combination of me being ridiculous and selfish (IE, I KNOW it's none of my business what he thinks of me, if I become another crazy, controlling ex, what he tells his family, etc. But damn it hurts knowing he thinks so badly of me), and starting to absorb that maybe he's right, I AM a crazy, controlling person. And it's very much him attempting to vilify me more, and just being irrational in general. He's at the end of his rope, too, I'm sure - it can't be easy not running for so long when every instinct you have is trying to make you run fast and run far.

(an example of ridiculousness - we have canned goods and other groceries, like people do...he doesn't want ANY of it because "I have no way to move it, and I don't want food." Uh...ok? So there's no such thing as boxes and grocery bags? And you'll never eat again? Then there is the open house our wonderful property managers planned for...just BEFORE we move. Because I work during the time they set up, and can't be there, it turned into he has to deal with everything, including taking care of my stuff and cleaning...again, all or nothing. He calmed down a bit when I told him, again, I would be cleaning, they KNOW we're moving, he doesn't have to do ANYTHING with my stuff...)

And mom is flipping out herself (untreated, life-long anxiety...it's almost debilitating for her right now, which is completely understandable, but still very difficult to deal with). I'm actually worried about her physical health because I know she is overdoing it. But, well, she is getting better at reminding me I can't help her mental state, it's not mine to deal with, and I'm getting better about my boundaries with her as well.

I just have to keep reminding myself...it will work out in the end. Somehow.

 

[Sighs]

:hug:

 

[grimalkin]

Wheeeee I've been living with my mom a week now. Out of the frying pan and into another frying pan. I hadn't spent any significant amount of time with her in years, beyond vacations together, which doesn't really give you a full picture. I am seriously worried about her health, but finally realize all I can do is tell her I'm worried and why, and leave it to her to figure it out. Her anxiety is unbelievable, and her eating is bordering on disordered (which her friends back in Iowa mentioned to me to watch because they were worried as well). But, well, there really is nothing I can do about either, but point it out and watch and be there if it comes to an emergency, which is the only thing that will be any sort of wake up call for her.

Meanwhile, I get to hear about how she resents me because I don't get up at 05:00 in the morning, so I'm not getting as much accomplished as she thinks I should, while she works hard all day trying to get boxes unpacked. Seriously. This has been a convo we've had. Already. And the fact that our local St. Vinny's can't come pick up an old washer and dryer, and other stuff we're donating, until a week out...is somehow my fault.

Anyway, on to the person who actually has PTSD...he seems to be happy isolating, though his neighbor has a dog that barks all day. He and I talk daily, chat online...and I finally embraced the idea that he wasn't always the person he SAID he was - and that is why he wanted me to not look at his actions, but his words. The person he says he is and the person he acts like aren't always the same - and he hasn't really figured out that it's not just about words. It has to be about actions, too. He wants so desperately to be the person he says he is, and sometimes, he is. But then the rage and pain and fear and confusion and PTSD come out, and the actions have to matter, too.

So anyway. Life marches on. I'm sure my visits here will become less frequent, now that our households are separate, and my own problems aren't PTSD related beyond the aftermath of my marriage. I'll still come for insight on how to best support my soon-to-be-ex, and to try to offer my own to those struggling.