Starting From Scratch At 28...

[Nellie]

Hi everyone, Since high school I've been doing the whole 'professional student' thing, which fills me with so much shame, but I think studying was my safe place. I'm not very good at coping with the real world. Now I have an arts degree and a law degree, but I can't think of any job worse for me (at least at this point in my life) than being a lawyer (not to mention the fact that it's almost impossible to get a legal job here at the moment).So I find myself starting from scratch, with a pile of debt. I really like writing and photography, but I can't make money from either (at least not straight away). I need a regular job that I can cope with in the meantime, but I have no work experience and no qualifications, and I'm currently unemployed, so employers don't even give me an interview!Anyway, I'm going to keep trying of course, and I know I'll figure something out, but I'm just wondering if anyone has any advice about how to deal with the feelings of shame I'm experiencing about this. I'm sure that most people would be understanding of my situation if they knew my history and my diagnosis, but it is not something I feel comfortable sharing with anyone yet, and I don't want their pity. But without this context people assume that I am lazy and juvenile and directionless, and even though I know it isn't true, it's still humiliating.

 

[Pencil]

... not to mention the plethora of problems associated with fitting into a structured, time-regulated working environment. I wish I had words of wisdom, or at least something really sensible to say.

 

[Nellie]

Yes, that too! :/

 

[Deleted member 20280]

I have had the underlying "problem" of CPTSD for nearly 25 yrs now. I have had to hide behind the facade of HAPPINESS for too many years. I too have difficulty now trying to get a Job. In the past I simply went by what I had learnt over the preceding years and didn't dwell on MY past. I found that this helped by not focusing on ME but trying to understand others. When I understood others and the way they think/react I could "Fit In". It was a technique I used for the best part of 20 years until my repressed feeling and visions/triggers came back all at one to haunt me. The biggest problem for me was I didn't have a forum like this one to come to when I was feeling at my lowest. I have been here for nearly 9 months now and come here when I "Need" to let off steam. or simply chat with people who understand me.

My basic advise is "Go for it". You may find rejection and some people may say things that hurt you but .... they do it not out of malice but from IGNORANCE of PTSD.

Please keep coming here and posting any problems or negative feelings you have and someone here will have the answer. Before I came here I had no-one to talk to or even try and understand what I was going through.


This is a forum that you can feel safe and protected from negative thoughts and people.

XXX Massive hugs from ME 2 YOU

 

[Nellie]

That is sort of what happened to me - I was fine hiding behind the facade of happiness but in the last 6 months that facade has cracked completely. I think you're right, and I think that now that I've finally discovered what it feels like to be understood (thanks to this site and the lovely people posting on it), maybe I'll be able to start refocusing on understanding others. Maybe that's what my future job will entail!

 

[Deleted member 20280]

Your career path will take you in whatever path "YOU" decide to let it. In your past other people were in control of where you would go and what gravity of life you would be subject to.

That is not the case now. For a simple recognition of "YOU" ie;Myself!

You now have only one person (and it does no harm to be selfish) To concentrate on getting better.

For me I spent the last 25 years worrying about how others saw or perceived me that I forgot who "I" was!

 

[Nellie]

That is very true. I realised after writing my post that I was feeling out-of-control of my own life, and I know that I'm the only one that can take that responsibility back. I have to stop giving my power away.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I have a few degrees, with no desire to go into any of those fields. Trauma & PTSD changed me. I finally decided to follow my heart and go in a more creative direction. Maybe I'll earn less but who cares? At least I won't dread getting out of bed every day because I'm in a boring career.

Follow your heart.

 

[Hashi]

I know you're posting about your feelings to do with this situation. I hope it's OK to ask something about the practical, job hunting side.

I wondered if you've had guidance or training on how to make applications and, in particular, how to present yourself well regardless of lack of work experience? For example instead of a traditional chronological CV/resume, writing a functional one that draws on skills from studying and other activities.

 

[Nellie]

Hi Hashi, no I never knew there was such training available, but you've inspired me to google it! :)

 

[Hashi]

Are there any training courses or one-to-one guidance available to you if you're unemployed? I'm in the UK and there are things available free that are government funded. Here they're organised by the Job Centre (the place where we sign on every fortnight in order to get unemployment benefit). There are sometimes local community or charity courses available to people who are unemployed. Here online job boards offer free mini-reviews of your CV/resume too. Do you have anything like that?

I've recently been out of work for about a year then had to find a job. I found you have to approach the job search as a job in itself. I got books from the library, looked at resources online, found out about all the free courses available to me and went on them, and spent a lot of time reworking my applications and thinking about how to present myself. You have to do it the way that works for employers, not the way that makes the most sense to you - I found that hard because the way I had to do it seemed counter-intuitive to me but it got me a job. :)

Even if you can't do a course, I would recommend doing lots of your own study, especially about functional CVs/resumes - ie skills-based instead of experience-based. It sounds like that's what you need to be doing. If you have to fill out application forms instead, I would research the advice on that in depth and think about how to emphasise skills.

Good luck.

 

[marylouise]

Nellie,

I was in a similar situation as you at 28, except arguably worse because I didn't have any degrees. I just had an interrupted B.A. and then years of disability (and recovery). I was so proud of myself when I finished my degree and got my first professional full-time job with benefits at age 32!

A few points of advice:

1. You may feel old at 28, but you are really not. You can get away with figuring things out through your early 30s. People even expect it! (I felt ashamed of myself too, though it hardly seems to matter now that I'm in my 40s.) I happened to look young, and that helped me out a lot. When I started my full-time job at 32, people just assumed I was a recent college grad of 22 (hah!). Keep in mind that everyone's life path is different.

2. Start small, and work your way up. If you start small, employers will be glad to have you. You won't need to make any explanations. For me, that was part-time retail and then childcare, jobs which then enabled me to get to the next step of applying for part-time jobs that were in offices. For you, that may mean internships or part-time work. You may need to swallow your pride a bit, but it's worth it when you get to the next step.

3. Be unconventional about finding jobs/opportunities. Maybe try informational interviews, networking, writing to companies/organizations you may want to work for, creating a blog. And definitely work on developing your job finding skills as Hashi suggests, since these will help you communicate both what you're looking for and what you have to offer.

Good luck! You get points for moving forward. I could have stayed on disability my whole life. It would have sucked, but it was safe. Instead, I took a lot of risks and now I have a very different life as a result. All those risks were worth it!