Sexual Assault Struggling with intrusive thoughts and triggers


Couple things that popped up, early hours. My current partner was out, watching football and having a couple drinks. So whilst he was gone, I had a bath / washed my hair and then went to bed with my hair down....until I had the voice of my ex telling me "I knew you wanted it really, because you wore your hair down" then....when I heard him coming through the door and I quickly shut my phone off and pretended to be asleep, so he didn't bother me (which he doesn't....but my ex did) - He put his arm around my waist, but that was it....even that throws me off sometimes and can literally make me feel like a child again. You wouldn't think I was 38! Then the last thing, I don't even know how to word it properly.....but do you ever have the image in your head of something that happened to you but you're seeing it as if you were there watching it, as well as the person it was being done to.....hmm, this sounds weird, doesn't it 🙈
I have a therapt appt on Tues, so I'll bring this up...maybe not all of it because I wonder if its just me and my fault it all keeps coming up
it's not you or your fault it keeps coming up.

Nearly all my traumatic memories are me watching it happening to me. One of them, the one that sends me into orbit, the memory is so fragmented that I'm not even in it, just snippets of his jumper and tiny snippets of things. But not me. That is traumatic memory: it gets fragmented in our minds.

It was cruel of your ex to say that to you. Twisted mind games to make you responsible for what he did. It's not true. His message, his voice, none of it is true. It's a total lie.

It is understandable that when you are thinking about these things, that your partner's actions would trigger you. At times like that it's important to reorientate yourself into the here and now. Easier said than done. but it is possible.
Sometimes what helps me, with particular triggers is writing them down. And having a counter message to the triggered one in my head. Or holding myself. Or talking out loud that I'm safe.
What helps you?

It's great you are going to talk about this with your therapist. I'm sure that will give some relief.