Suffering

[raxtyjaxter]

Hi, I am new to this so forgive me if I am going on a bit!

I had a serious car accident 6 months ago. A lorry hit me on the motorway & I ended up at the bottom of the embankment after hitting be central reservation & spinning across all 4 lanes. I thought I was going to die & was concious throughout. I am lucky to have escaped with minor injuries. since then my whole world has been turned upside down.

I had therapy in the early stages following the accident & it helped me get back into my car. I then started avoiding everything & anything to do with thinking or talking about it. I've recently come to breaking point & have been diagnosed with PTSD.

I'm currently in such state of feeling so low, crying everyday & just wanting this to go away! I am going back to therapy soon I am just waiting for my appointment to come though. My partner is so supportive but I can't help but feel that nobody gets me.

I know a lot of people have been through a lot worse & this may seem minor but I was hoping to get a little support to help me through
X

 

[kyara]

Nothing is minor or major, and please do not compare what happened to what impact it has for you. The accident must be horrific but I am so glad you survived and lived! I am glad you are going to therapy and what you are feeling now will not be forever, your emotions will come back to a balance. I am also glad your partner is supportive and I hope your recovery will be steady :) With care and support, k

 

[Deleted member 20280]

@raxtyjaxter Firstly and most importantly Welcome to the Forum. This is a good place to find solace and a lot of good advise and comfort. We all on here have been through trauma's and are a very supportive network of not only sufferers but there are excellent supporters as well.

:hug: if you accept it.

Laurie

 

[Bees Are Awesome]

Welcome to the forum.

PTSD is PTSD no matter the type of trauma(s) that caused it so I see no reason to judge one person's traumas against another's. We all deal with similar symptoms which allows us to be understanding and supportive of one another. Feel free to share whatever you are comfortable with. There are a lot of people here who will support you in any way they can.

 

[Echo]

@raxtyjaxter - welcome to the forum. What an awful thing to have gone through! It must have been terrifying.

Loss of control and fear that one might die in various formulations are central to most people's experience leading to PTSD. In one sense, it doesn't matter what got us there - there is certainly no competiton - what matters is the fall-out and how we learn to process it and heal. Our triggers will all be different, but my triggers as a rape survivor will be different to those of another rape survivor, and there is no point in comparing.

What is really helpful on this site, is that we all understand what it is like to deal with PTSD, some as supporters and some as sufferers. However much some part of the outside world wants to help and understand, if they have not been through it, or are not trained as trauma therapists, they cannot get it. But then I don't know really what it is like to have Alzheimer's or cancer, however much I might empathise or try to be the best possible listening ear for those who are going through it. So, for me, it is an enormous relief to not need to explain all the time and to read others' accounts here. I hope you find so, too.

 

[raxtyjaxter]

Thank you for your replies - it brings a great deal of comfort.

One of my biggest problems is that I feel I am not worthy of any support because physically I am ok but mentally I am so damaged.

I feel as though people that are unable to relate may think I should be over this by now & that because I haven't suffered any physical injuries then I should just be thankful & move on.
They don't seem to understand why I can't be over it yet, why I can't be a passenger in a car (anyone except for my partner) or have a passenger in my car. I can never, ever go back to my crash site & have extreme anxiety & panic attacks at the thought of going on the motorway again or even a long journey. I am on edge constantly about everything & nobody gets it. If I even see a car the same as mine that was written off I start crying & I can't even listen to the music I had playing that morning ever again.

I have learnt what my triggers are and I try to avoid them but it's not always possible.

I feel like I don't even know who I am anymore :-(

 

[Echo]

@raxtyjaxter - I do hope you're getting some help with the PTSD. I've also had to learn you just can't sort it out on your own, but a good trauma therapist will help you discharge that trauma energy and help you reprocess your memories. I hope you find your way to a really good one.

 

[Echo]

Have you read Peter Levine's books, such as 'Waking the Tiger' or 'In an Unspoken Voice'? Or Babette Rothschild's books, 'The Body Remembers' or her workbooks for trauma sufferers? They really help to explain what is going on.

 

[raxtyjaxter]

The therapist I was seeing specialised in helping people following traumatic car accidents. I did CBT with him but that was mainly focused on getting me in my car and being able to drive again.

Once I could do that I told myself I was ok & that I was strong enough to cope with this. The reality is that I suffered in silence for 6 months.

It became so bad that I couldn't cope anymore so I went back to my GP & I have now been referred for CBT again. I am hoping this helps. I feel so sad everyday & it's now affecting my job more than ever.

I'm really hoping my therapist will help me

 

[raxtyjaxter]

@Echo no but thank you I will look into them :-)

 

[Meadowsweet]

That sounds absolutely terrifying, try not to minimize what you went through. But you are doing all the right things and looking for help, so you are doing really well, and you will get there. keep hope.