When I stop drinking completely, I find myself emotionless, dreaming up various plans for how to end my life. I don't mean in the immediate aftermath of sobriety; I don't think it's a withdrawal symptom. I was sober for nearly six months before and the entire period was characterized by such planning. Not the kind of suicidal thoughts brought on by panic or despair; I didn't sit around sobbing and wanting to die. It was much more calculating and emotionless, dominated entirely by logic rather than emotion. I thought about all the things I'd have to get done before I could do it, the trips I'd take, the people I'd say bye to, how I'd save up money to leave for my family. The idea of ending it didn't make me sad, and it still doesn't. It seems more like an inevitable conclusion. I'm quitting drinking again and am already finding myself back in this mindset. I don't really know what this is. I don't feel the need to call a suicide hotline or anything, because it's nothing I'm planning on doing right away. It's just always there in the back of my mind, that i've set a deadline for myself and it must be done by then. Will this thinking fade? Has anyone gone through this in early recovery?