Suicidal intrusions

[7Cs]

I am not suicidal but sometimes even when my overall mood is ok I sometimes get fleeting images of how I could attempt. Occasionally a thought of "I just want to die". But I don't. At it's worst, it can be very frequent and pull me into a depressed state. Occasionally I can look back and find a trigger that happened earlier in the day.

Like yesterday. I have a co-worker who does not seem to be able to separate what is idle chatter from things that are deeply personal. We somehow got on the subject of my childhood and she just kept asking and digging. For what ever reason I didn't stop her and just answered. By the end, my heart was racing and I needed to take several deep breaths for a few minutes to calm myself. I thought I had handled the overwhelm well but later in the evening the suicidal imagery started.

Is this a common symptom of PTSD/C-PTSD?
Is is more common for people with dissociation and "parts of self"?

Other than letting them pass how can I work to eliminate them?

 

[Deleted member 44517]

That sounds like suicidal ideation to me. I get that from time to time and I always associate it with depression or strong painful emotion. It's not being suicidal but it's a step before. Letting it pass is a good thing but if it keeps returning, I would seek help or medication.

 

[Justmehere]

Totally happens for me.

It's interesting to me that it happened after you disclosed some stuff about your childhood to a pushy neighbor. I recently told a friend about some stuff they asked about and I was surprised I answered with the info that I did, and later this totally happened for me too. I really don't know why it happens and I too wonder if there is a libel to dissociated parts or something. I don't really know.

In OCD, people can get images of doing horrible things to themselves (or others - but that didn't happen for me) in times of high stress. I'm not saying this is an OCD phenomenon for you or me.... But that OCD and PTSD are both anxiety disorders and it sort of makes sense to me that in high stress with PTSD the brain might go there even when someone doesn't want to actually do the action.

I have a tendency to get anxious, then the suicidal images pop up, and then I get even more anxious because the images are upsetting and confusing, and around and around it goes. Sigh.

I've learned to name it to myself, and that ties away some of the fear. Like "oh there's that image again."

I assume it's a sign my stress cup is overflowing. More about that here: The Ptsd Cup Explanation

Other than just letting it pass, I've found it helpful to look at what prompted it to happen, and other symptoms I might be having, to get some clues as to what to do. If I'm feeling anxious, I'll do some things to try to lower anxiety. Posting here, going for a walk, working through positive affirmations (which I usually don't believe but sometimes help anyhow), trying to find ways I'm safe and life is worth living....

I find it happens pretty predictably when I disclose stuff about myself that is related to trauma or uncomfortable things to people that are pushy... and I'm not sure why it happens then.

Wish I had some good suggestions of what to do about it - only can say that I can relate to it happening and you are not alone in dealing with it.

 

[7Cs]

Totally happens for me.

It's interesting to me that it happened after you disclosed some stuff abo...

The strangest thing to me is that it can happen when I'm feeling perfectly normal, sometimes even content. Like watching TV or simply relaxing. It's disconcerting and immediately gets my attention. I worry that it is the beginning of a spiral. I once had a therapist who had me do the "Stop" technique where you just repeatedly tell yourself to stop whenever the intrusive thoughts happened. Sometimes this would work other times not. I'd like it to just stop permanently. I can understand these thoughts in the midst of depression or high stress (I have them then too) but not when everything seems fine.

If I remember to, I'll bring it up with my current T. Maybe she has a few suggestions.

 

[Friday]

Ideation & Intent are just part & parcel when I'm symptomatic. It's an every day thing, for me. From fleeting thoughts, to the bullshit solution my brain comes up with at both understandable & completely :O_o: the f*ck you thinking, brain? Life is just fine, to hours locked fighting myself. Both really piss me off.

My brain is pretty black and white. It's knee jerk reaction to a lot of things is "Kill it." So I have to use my mind to downshift and add shades of grey. Coming up with different solutions, and training different reactions.

Whether fleeting or locked in? That the intrusive thoughts piss me off is a good thing. Gives me an edge to grab. One of my biggest tricks is : Can't control the first thought, CAN control the second.

 

[desiderata310]

It's knee jerk reaction to a lot of things is "Kill it."

:cautious:
pretty much. especially today

 

[shatter eyes]

I get this once or twice each week. It is adding up and i am tired from it. I am tired of telling doctor and counselor..

I feel: Dude quit talking about it and fukn do it. It must be annoying to repeat the same theme over and over. Do doctors etc think it wont happen because i have been winning the battle?

It is like saying i want cheetos over and over...fuk dude just get fukn cheetos and shut up.

 

[The Albatross]

It was pretty common for me to have some reactivity at the back end even though during a conversation or activity or being in a situation or a place appeared to be fine or at least okay at that time. For me it had more to do with still having the propensity to be highly connected to the topic/place/activity/situation... and the resultant fall out afterwards let me know that there was still work to do in that particular area and that it was an emotional hot spot.