suicide prevention hotline

[Strugglingsaks]

after trying to get through for 1 hour i finally spent 40 mins chatting with someone on a suicide hotline about how im feeling only to end our convo midway apologizing for having wasted their time. WHAT TF IS MY PROBLEM WHY DID I DO THAT I NEED HELP FOR FCKSS SAKE

 

[Freida]

If I had to guess? I would say its a habit. Was that a coping technique you used when you were younger -- apologizing to make someone calmer or stop a bad situation? It's really, really common for people to apologize to those who are trying to help them. One of the first things an unbelievable amount of people say when they call 911 is "sorry to bother you but....."
Uhmmm.... I'm working...we are here 24/7 so I'm here no matter if you call me or not....You aren't bothering me, helping you is my job.

Being aware that you are doing it is a huge thing! Once you see a habit you can start working on changing it. :hug:

 

[Chris-duck]

I agree with @Freida

And they won't think any less of you if you call them back. Its what they're there for. I hope things ease up for you soon

 

[Strugglingsaks]

@Freida yeah i mean i logically know that but it felt so useless to sit and talk about it all and just feeling like no one wants to listen anywway, no one can help anyway....

 

[Strugglingsaks]

ended up taking 16 xanax and a bottle of wine then passed out and oke up on the floor. of my bathroom covered in vom. i cant even kill myself right lol

 

[Chris-duck]

You should really, really get yourself checked out. Tell someone in real life. See a doctor and make sure you've not damaged anything. And get some help with your suicidal feelings. Call now.

 

[Strugglingsaks]

i went to the clinic near where i live and was told they wont accept another patient so i just left. not even in the mood to try and see if my liver is dead or not you know?

 

[Chris-duck]

I get it. But you clearly need more support than you're getting. Do you not have your own GP? Can you go to your emergency dept?

 

[Strugglingsaks]

no..

 

[Chris-duck]

Okay. So what are your options? How are you able to get more help so that this doesn't happen again?

 

[Strugglingsaks]

i should probably just do it right next time lol

 

[joeylittle]

i should probably just do it right next time lol

Honestly, no, that's not the answer.

it felt so useless to sit and talk about it all and just feeling like no one wants to listen anywway, no one can help anyway....

These feelings - that no-one wants to listen, and no-one cares, and nothing will change - they aren't truths. Your mind isn't working well right now, and these thoughts come from the influences of depression and trauma.

I am really very sorry to read about what you're struggling with, and want you to know that you aren't alone in these feelings.

Usually, when we're struggling and in pain, what we are looking for is relief. Suicide is not relief - you're not around to experience any relief. It's just the stopping of all things. I know that you can't see there's any other way for the struggle to end, but there are ways.

You need to be getting treatment.

I know that's frightening. But you already are trying - you called that crisis line. And you talked with someone.