Symptoms improve on vacation, now feel like i am going downhill again...

[mrsmegan]

Today is my first day back at work after a two week vacation. My husband and I went on a 10-day trip to Italy to celebrate our 10th anniversary. It was a really lovely trip, I felt better, there weren't as many triggers - it was like an escape.

Well, I have been back at work for just today - and I feel like I am going to breakdown. It's like I never left. I feel right back in that spot where I am depressed, I feel trapped in my memories/triggers, and I am definitely on-edge.

Has anyone else experienced this? I am tempted to feel like a failure - like it only takes a day to feel like crap again....

 

[Deleted member 37474]

100 percent me. My first day back after Christmas break opened with a fullout trigger that I had to deal with all day.

Summer hasn't been as bad since I work so much less.

 

[Friday]

Yup.

While über-distracting & removing a stressor can each be it's own balm... Let's just decide it wasn't only the distraction of the vacation, or not being at work, that helped & see if there are any pieces of it that you can brig home with you to use in your everyday life.

Anything (aside from not being at work) immediately jump out at you as being different? Order of the day, activity levels, diet, pacing, etc.?

I could pull examples from living in Italy that I have insisted on in my real life stateside that help moderate my symptoms, but I'm going to pull one from my honeymoon instead: I swam every morning. Why that example? Because I can only manage it here sometimes (meanwhile 90% of Italian living I can translate very easily). Guess what? The mornings where I can still stumble out of bed and fall into a pool or body of water? Just like I did on my honeymoon? My days are infinitely better. Even the bad days. Meanwhile? The mornings where I have to manage some semblance of wakefulness before swimming? Are still a damn sight better, but have to get up/ get dressed/ organize-things&people/ get driveable/ drive somewhere/ etc. Reduce it by at least half. :facepalm: I'm not exactly sure why. It just does. So immediate goals still = swimming every morning I can. Long term goals = arranging my life so that I can walk 10 feet from my bed and fall into a swimming pool half awake. Every morning.

So what did you LOVE about being in Italy? & What did you maybe only half wise notice at the time but just feel like something is missing, now?

 

[EveHarrington]

It sounds like real life stressors are back.....no, you're NOT a failure, not in the least! I think if anything it just shows how daily stressors that others can handle with ease are things that can be debilitating to those with PTSD. You're not a failure, rather it's a function of the disorder.

 

[mrsmegan]

Thanks @Friday - lots to think about...

Anything (aside from not being at work) immediately jump out at you as being different? Order of the day, activity levels, diet, pacing, etc.?

I think the biggest was probably spending so much time with my spouse - just being together. The pace, although busy with seeing the sights, was slow in that we just did what we wanted - no schedules. I also connected more deeply with my spirituality there.

 

[Friday]

The pace, although busy with seeing the sights, was slow in that we just did what we wanted - no schedules

Try looking at the patterns you fell into there.

Spontaneity counts (esp if you don't have time built into your schedule here to allow for spontaneous), whether it's a "Let's go see that!" or "spontaneous nap time". Putting an "anything I want in this moment" hour? Today a nap tomorrow something silly, the day after something spiritual, the day after a walk, etc.? Can be amaaaaazing in getting needs met as they come up. Because the time is built in for them to be allowed to pipe up. Can also, if you notice the time being used for a couple of things over and over, be used to incorporate those things into your daily life.

But also the natural rhythm you fell into. Whether it's start slow & build, or activity rest activity rest, etc. Whatever the pattern was? Can usually be replicated. At least to some degree. And, to me, it's always interesting to see how I organize myself without years worth of expectations shaping my moment to moment decisions.

 

[Deleted member 37474]

Thanks @Friday - lots to think about...



I think the biggest was probably spendin...

The spouse thing. I get that! I think vacation is the only time that my spouse and I 100 percent get along and enjoy each other. We also will hold hands and touch each other throughout the day. He isn't stuck in his work crap. I am not stuck in my ptsd mind looping. Before our summer vacation we had a huge fight. I don't even remember what it was about... oh wait, it was about communication. On the drive to the beach house we worked it out. The solution I needed was for him to say "I hear you." When I am jabbering away on something, rather than no feed back at all. It kind of became a big joke and we practiced it on the vacation. it's now part of our life and works and makes us laugh. So in a way.. I held onto that "vacation thing," like Friday says. But being at work.... ugggh.