Personally, I see exactly why she did what she did -- you sound like you are in complete and utter denial. You haven't eaten for a week but you're not in any way seriously ill? Funny, that's a common statement made by people who suffer from eating disorders before they fall into a coma. She was obligated BY LAW to do what she did; she wasn't just trying to keep her job. I understand that you feel betrayed and I can empathize, but I don't think you are seeing things clearly right now. She was honestly trying to save your life. Also, if she is the one who informed others your feeding tube was dislodged, and you didn't do that yourself, despite not having eaten for a week .... then you definitely can't say you were fine. Nothing about this is fine.
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T Has Broken My Trust
- Post starter Jen12
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Friday
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Not eating for a week can and does kill people.
Especially people who have a history of starvation, voluntary or involuntary, due to weakened cardiac muscle (& already damaged other organs, but it's usually a heart attack that kills them). If you'd also not been drinking? You'd be a walking dead person, right now. (Once kidneys shut down? Which happens after only a few days... There's no way to bring them back. The only option available is dialysis for the remainder of your life, & transplant of they can find a match & you're not too weak for the surgery / a good candidate. If that's not available? Or you get turned down from the transplant list? You'll still live a few weeks after they've shut down, which gives you time to say goodbye to people, but it's not a good death. It's long, painful, and you go mad towards the end). Hopefully you've been getting sugar from some source, or a week of ketosis means you could stroke out (violent seizures, brain aneurysms, & death) at any moment. Our brains run on glucose & glucose alone. Without a sugar source, our bodies can cobble ketones together to keep us going a few more days, but our brain can only deal with ketones for a very short period of time before it starts to seize & die.
Have I gone longer than a week? Yeah. Both voluntary & involuntary. That I'm still alive has absolutely zero to do with skill, and 100% to do with luck.
What you get from being honest? People trying to save your life. A chance to live.
Especially people who have a history of starvation, voluntary or involuntary, due to weakened cardiac muscle (& already damaged other organs, but it's usually a heart attack that kills them). If you'd also not been drinking? You'd be a walking dead person, right now. (Once kidneys shut down? Which happens after only a few days... There's no way to bring them back. The only option available is dialysis for the remainder of your life, & transplant of they can find a match & you're not too weak for the surgery / a good candidate. If that's not available? Or you get turned down from the transplant list? You'll still live a few weeks after they've shut down, which gives you time to say goodbye to people, but it's not a good death. It's long, painful, and you go mad towards the end). Hopefully you've been getting sugar from some source, or a week of ketosis means you could stroke out (violent seizures, brain aneurysms, & death) at any moment. Our brains run on glucose & glucose alone. Without a sugar source, our bodies can cobble ketones together to keep us going a few more days, but our brain can only deal with ketones for a very short period of time before it starts to seize & die.
Have I gone longer than a week? Yeah. Both voluntary & involuntary. That I'm still alive has absolutely zero to do with skill, and 100% to do with luck.
What you get from being honest? People trying to save your life. A chance to live.
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You should thank her when you feel better. She likely saved your life. Here is the thing, it is her job to HELP you not watch you knowingly kill yourself. The equivalent would be that you have a gun in hand with one bullet in the chamber and you keep pulling the trigger. Eventually you are going to shoot yourself. Would you expect her to watch that? I think if you are truly, truly going to engage in healthy thinking styles and healing, then the first thing you have to endeavor is that you are very ill. No one doesn't eat for a week that is making good and healthy choices. You are powerless to your disease and I hope you will repeat that phrase until you understand the severity of what you are putting your body through both mentally and physically. In being powerless you see that your therapists attempt to maintain safety for you as a betrayal. I am sure it was a hard call for her but a necessary one. Please be kind to yourself but please get real with your disease. Not eating for a week is dangerous as FridayJones has said. Please, please take care of yourself. Sending loads of strength your way.
D
Deleted member 29920
Please take good care @Jen12, I feel some comments from others have been a bit harsh, I understand they are worried about you but there are ways of saying things. I have an eating disorder and some of the comments have been too harsh. I hope you're doing okay. Your T wants you to be safe, if you can, when you're feeling better, let her know how badly her way of doing things affected you.
Lucycat
Sponsor
So it only went in recently, which means that you were only recently assessed as needing it. Can I assume it is a PEG/gastrostomy ( ie directly through the abdominal wall) rather than a a nasogastric tube (NGT) (ie through the nose)? If an NGT is dislodged that can be fixed in an instant, whereas a PEG takes longer to sort out. I don't understand why this disrupted your feeding for so long.
You have also acknowledged yourself that the delay was partly due to the eating disorder. Does this mean you sabotaged the feeding tube yourself?
But what alternative do they have? It sounds as if you need supervision of your feeding.
yes. For your own good.
Were you being entirely honest with her? I see no dishonesty in her actions at all. I do understand that you would have preferred to know that she was going to share about your physical health, but is there a chance you might have avoided the meeting had you known that in advance?
I probably sound really unsympathetic, but I am not. I know it takes a lot in the UK to persuade tubes to be placed for eating disorders so I really think it is an indication of how poorly you are, even if you are not able to acknowledge that just now. I do wish you well.
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theshadowoftheliving
Diamond Member
I think that BECAUSE your therapist is usually on your side, you should see this as a sign that she is acting from a place of genuine concern for your well being.trust her here as you have been able to in the past. Sometimes it's hard for us to see how bad off we are.
- Post starter
- #19
Thank you so much for being understanding!!! Ive been reading through the other comments and felt totally misunderstood and beaten down even more! Im glad someone can empathise, eating disorders make the method if accepting and eating food bloody hard!
My tube wasnt placed due to my eating disorder it was placed for a rare gentic disorder i have (ehlers danlos syndrome)
Im currently on the medical ward and have been fully medically cleared by my medical consultant! Thats when i said i was fine, i really was! I know my own body and know when its not good!
- Post starter
- #20
Thank you all for your replies to thie post. I understand from replies many have been centred around my eating disorder, tube and lack of eating.
- eating disorders are a mental illness and dictate everything in the individuals life. They make the simple act of eating, traumatic, stressful and guilt ridden.
- my eating disorder has been massivley worsened by my current EMDR therapy
- tube- yes im tube fed, not due to my anorexia. Its for a rare gentic disorder called ehlers danlos symdrome. Which also restricts my intake massively due to constant vomiting and much much more
- i DID inform people my tube was dislodged and had it replaced again within 4 days due to new year and restricted endoscopy opening hours. This hindered my feed for 6 days!!!
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- Post starter
- #21
With regards to my therapist i understand she has a code of conduct to adhere to, however she knows i am honest with her and when i feel unwell i tell her, if i havent had a feed i would tell her. Which for someone with an eating disorder is a big thing to own upto!
I am currently in the medical ward and be given a full bill of health, baring my health conditions. Bodies are clever thibgs and mine is well trained in how to react in starvation mode. Yes its not right but its oart & parcel of anorexia...... I know my own body And i know when im unwell, if they had liatened to me, i wouldnt have had to be admitted and wasted peoples time! Im more annoyed they did it all in a sneaky way, when we had a mutual understanding to be honest with each other!
Queen Boudica
VIP Member
No that is simply not true. You may think that but your starvation mode is wearing away vital muscles, it affects your kidneys, your brain every tissue in your body. People do drop dead from heart failure from starving themselves. Even binge dieting can do this. If you are honest you need to be honest with yourself. Statements like that are just denial. People obviously are trying to help you. Your body is not trained into anything. Your body needs you to eat. Your mind is telling you otherwise. Yes it is a mental illness, a very serious one. By statements like that if you are telling your therapist this, it is not honest it is what you believe but it is not reality. And you therapist did the right thing. Unfortunately, anorexia is one of those diseases where you do not know when you are unwell, your mind is telling you something that is not true. I do not see sneaky at all. They told you in that meeting that it was going ot happen they didn't trick you onto a ward. There is no sneakiness.
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@Lizio
I wish I could like your post a million times. I did not respond to Jen12 because I could not come up with the words. @Jen12, please know that my posts are not trying to target you in a malicious attempt to upset you but you are very ill and need help and I am so glad your therapist did what she did because it likely saved your life. I hope one day when you are real in your healing you will understand that. However, you are in the throws of your illness and cannot see how dangerous your behavior and rhetoric has become. I wish you ONLY THE BEST and will keep a a warm thought and loads of prayers headed your way as that disease must be terrible. I am choosing to bow out of the conversation only because I know nothing about anorexia and I certainly don't want to hurt you any further.
Be safe and best wishes in your recovery.
Regards,
Rumors
I wish I could like your post a million times. I did not respond to Jen12 because I could not come up with the words. @Jen12, please know that my posts are not trying to target you in a malicious attempt to upset you but you are very ill and need help and I am so glad your therapist did what she did because it likely saved your life. I hope one day when you are real in your healing you will understand that. However, you are in the throws of your illness and cannot see how dangerous your behavior and rhetoric has become. I wish you ONLY THE BEST and will keep a a warm thought and loads of prayers headed your way as that disease must be terrible. I am choosing to bow out of the conversation only because I know nothing about anorexia and I certainly don't want to hurt you any further.
Be safe and best wishes in your recovery.
Regards,
Rumors
Hi @Jen , well -
But (& I know then you of course know this), you know about the potential arterial issues, heart murmurs, possible mitral valve prolapse, etc.
On top of electrolyte imbalance, very serious stuff. I think your T earned your trust, & is trying to keep it.
I find too, I don't notice not eating. In fact, physically (& sometimes mentally) it feels better not to. But that's a very different thing than not being harmful. Especially for people who perhaps have seen others go through what you are, & it didn't end well.
I too wish you had felt it was more in collaboration, but I think they meant well.
I hope things can settle, & you will be able to talk it out a bit. :hug:
(And yes, EDS is awful. :hug: )
- this I know- 2 sisters with it & I haven't been tested, though I show the likelihood of it. So in a little way I understand the GI issues, etc.
But (& I know then you of course know this), you know about the potential arterial issues, heart murmurs, possible mitral valve prolapse, etc.
On top of electrolyte imbalance, very serious stuff. I think your T earned your trust, & is trying to keep it.
I find too, I don't notice not eating. In fact, physically (& sometimes mentally) it feels better not to. But that's a very different thing than not being harmful. Especially for people who perhaps have seen others go through what you are, & it didn't end well.
I too wish you had felt it was more in collaboration, but I think they meant well.
I hope things can settle, & you will be able to talk it out a bit. :hug:
(And yes, EDS is awful. :hug: )
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