Tea Drinker
New Here
Hi, new here and need some help/advice/whatever.
I’ve been seeing someone from Crisis Support since the end of January. I see him three times a week (Mon, Wed & Sat). I find these sessions very beneficial, and he agrees that I do get a lot out of them. His colleagues have also commented on how they can see a positive difference in how I present too.
Anyway, on Wednesday, we’d had a rough session, I went through the full rainbow of emotions, and we had to stop a few times for grounding etc. I was generally a mess.
We were about halfway through our time when he drops the bombshell that he is no longer working on Saturdays effective immediately. That it was temporary as he was filling in for someone on long term leave. He said that he thought he had a few more weeks and has been putting off telling me because he was worried about my reaction (having a routine is part of my risk assessment/safety plan) and has been concerned that I wouldn’t keep myself safe (recent SI & SH). He said that I could speak with one of his colleagues on Saturday, and he would still see me on Mon & Wed.
It was at this point where I went to a very dark place. I told him that I was angry that he hadn’t told me from the start or even a week ago to give me more time to process this. He also knew that this weekend was going to be rough for me anyway because of <reasons>.
He said that he understood and because of that, even though he wasn’t going to be working he would still give me a call on Saturday because, “I know that I’ve just pulled the rug right from under your feet.”
This phone call never happened.
I have had many conversations/rants with him about how badly it affects me when people let me down. I can have the most intense feelings of betrayal over something as small as a missed phone call. He knows this. He’s supported me when this has happened to me when my Mental Health Nurse didn’t call for an appointment or when the Response Team didn’t give me a pre-arrange support calls at the weekends. It f*cks my head up massively. If someone tells me that they are going to phone, I will literally sit by the phone until it rings. And now he’s done it to me. I don’t blame him for not working when wasn’t meant to, it’s the fact that he said he would but didn’t.
One of his colleagues did phone on Saturday though. Not to check in with me however, but instead to tell me that they are going to start me talking with two additional people so that I have support when my guy isn’t there. Logical me can 100% see the benefit of this but this is now too much information to process and too much change to my routine too quickly. It takes me ages to trust people and feel able to tell them things (even small things) and I’m sure that is the case for a lot, if not all, the people on here.
Since that call I’ve been spiralling so much so that I don’t even want to go to my appointment tomorrow. I don’t want to see any of them. I don’t want to have to start the process of this change.
I have a telephone appointment with my Uni tutor tomorrow morning because my next assignment (I’m doing a Psychology & Counselling degree ironically) has a lot of triggering content for me and my PTSD is nowhere near stable enough to cope with it right now. Going to my appointment after this phone call would usually benefit me, but I feel so much anger to him that I don’t know if it would be a good idea.
Thank you for reading (sorry it is so long!)
I’ve been seeing someone from Crisis Support since the end of January. I see him three times a week (Mon, Wed & Sat). I find these sessions very beneficial, and he agrees that I do get a lot out of them. His colleagues have also commented on how they can see a positive difference in how I present too.
Anyway, on Wednesday, we’d had a rough session, I went through the full rainbow of emotions, and we had to stop a few times for grounding etc. I was generally a mess.
We were about halfway through our time when he drops the bombshell that he is no longer working on Saturdays effective immediately. That it was temporary as he was filling in for someone on long term leave. He said that he thought he had a few more weeks and has been putting off telling me because he was worried about my reaction (having a routine is part of my risk assessment/safety plan) and has been concerned that I wouldn’t keep myself safe (recent SI & SH). He said that I could speak with one of his colleagues on Saturday, and he would still see me on Mon & Wed.
It was at this point where I went to a very dark place. I told him that I was angry that he hadn’t told me from the start or even a week ago to give me more time to process this. He also knew that this weekend was going to be rough for me anyway because of <reasons>.
He said that he understood and because of that, even though he wasn’t going to be working he would still give me a call on Saturday because, “I know that I’ve just pulled the rug right from under your feet.”
This phone call never happened.
I have had many conversations/rants with him about how badly it affects me when people let me down. I can have the most intense feelings of betrayal over something as small as a missed phone call. He knows this. He’s supported me when this has happened to me when my Mental Health Nurse didn’t call for an appointment or when the Response Team didn’t give me a pre-arrange support calls at the weekends. It f*cks my head up massively. If someone tells me that they are going to phone, I will literally sit by the phone until it rings. And now he’s done it to me. I don’t blame him for not working when wasn’t meant to, it’s the fact that he said he would but didn’t.
One of his colleagues did phone on Saturday though. Not to check in with me however, but instead to tell me that they are going to start me talking with two additional people so that I have support when my guy isn’t there. Logical me can 100% see the benefit of this but this is now too much information to process and too much change to my routine too quickly. It takes me ages to trust people and feel able to tell them things (even small things) and I’m sure that is the case for a lot, if not all, the people on here.
Since that call I’ve been spiralling so much so that I don’t even want to go to my appointment tomorrow. I don’t want to see any of them. I don’t want to have to start the process of this change.
I have a telephone appointment with my Uni tutor tomorrow morning because my next assignment (I’m doing a Psychology & Counselling degree ironically) has a lot of triggering content for me and my PTSD is nowhere near stable enough to cope with it right now. Going to my appointment after this phone call would usually benefit me, but I feel so much anger to him that I don’t know if it would be a good idea.
Thank you for reading (sorry it is so long!)