Not the boss or employer, per se, but a confidant or coworker. I felt like she meant to just connect with a trusted coworker. She said it's important for several reasons (to have a supporter at work) to reduce stress.
My current workplace has triggered me in some unexpected ways, as a teacher in a public, overcrowded suburban high school.
There are frequent drills (required) that are so loud that the only thing I could compare it to is a sensory torture chamber. Even the passing electric bell is so loud that it causes people to jump into the air and scream. This goes off every 55 minutes all day. Flashing strobe lights on the sheriff's squad car on the way in and on the front and back of every bus, of which about 20 go in and out several times a day. I have to follow a row in the dark. It gives me a migraine on the way into to work.
The active shooter drills are the hardest for me because once there was a real potential threat, and I heard banging/popping and men yelling. Turns out it was workers being loud? I never found out. I called 911. I was all alone and not allowed to leave my portable for hours. It was hard on the whole school. Kids needed to use the bathroom, so did teachers.
I wished I had a nearby coworker who either also had PTSD or could be a support for me in a crisis. Like during that long potential threat/drill, I was emailing a nearby teacher, and I wanted to go over and hang with her. I went over and knocked but she followed procedure and didn't check or let me in.
I called my spouse who was at home at the time and texted him. I had a panic attack when I heard what sounded like a shooting outside because I was not only afraid for my and the others' safety, but my daughter was on campus and not responding to my texts because they weren't supposed to. I was not prepared for the amount of fear or triggering.
I was ill the whole weekend following.
I would like to find a support person nearby to confide in and support me, but I don't know if my expectations are reasonable and understandable.
I'm not sure what my T meant (I don't live near her anymore) and I can see the benefit but don't get the logistics.
You can see I'm way overthinking this and trying to gulp down a complex social work relationship, like trying to eat a three course meal in one gulp. These things take time and social skills I suck at. In fact, it's all or nothing with me. It's unlikely that someone with my lack of bonding skills and attachment disorder type of CPTSD can think her way through this to a satisfactory ending for all involved. It's touch and go, and I would have to get to know them first, which I don't feel able to do given the massive isolation imposed. In fact, I feel triggered by people I work with all the time and have to work through that just to go to work. If I were able to get closer to someone or more than one, I would likely not be. So it's a double edged thing.
Thing is, our admin is "divide and conquer." If you look at the portable teachers' schedules, you will immediately note that they deliberately schedule our prep and lunch periods opposite to prevent us from having a chance to talk to each other.
My current workplace has triggered me in some unexpected ways, as a teacher in a public, overcrowded suburban high school.
There are frequent drills (required) that are so loud that the only thing I could compare it to is a sensory torture chamber. Even the passing electric bell is so loud that it causes people to jump into the air and scream. This goes off every 55 minutes all day. Flashing strobe lights on the sheriff's squad car on the way in and on the front and back of every bus, of which about 20 go in and out several times a day. I have to follow a row in the dark. It gives me a migraine on the way into to work.
The active shooter drills are the hardest for me because once there was a real potential threat, and I heard banging/popping and men yelling. Turns out it was workers being loud? I never found out. I called 911. I was all alone and not allowed to leave my portable for hours. It was hard on the whole school. Kids needed to use the bathroom, so did teachers.
I wished I had a nearby coworker who either also had PTSD or could be a support for me in a crisis. Like during that long potential threat/drill, I was emailing a nearby teacher, and I wanted to go over and hang with her. I went over and knocked but she followed procedure and didn't check or let me in.
I called my spouse who was at home at the time and texted him. I had a panic attack when I heard what sounded like a shooting outside because I was not only afraid for my and the others' safety, but my daughter was on campus and not responding to my texts because they weren't supposed to. I was not prepared for the amount of fear or triggering.
I was ill the whole weekend following.
I would like to find a support person nearby to confide in and support me, but I don't know if my expectations are reasonable and understandable.
I'm not sure what my T meant (I don't live near her anymore) and I can see the benefit but don't get the logistics.
You can see I'm way overthinking this and trying to gulp down a complex social work relationship, like trying to eat a three course meal in one gulp. These things take time and social skills I suck at. In fact, it's all or nothing with me. It's unlikely that someone with my lack of bonding skills and attachment disorder type of CPTSD can think her way through this to a satisfactory ending for all involved. It's touch and go, and I would have to get to know them first, which I don't feel able to do given the massive isolation imposed. In fact, I feel triggered by people I work with all the time and have to work through that just to go to work. If I were able to get closer to someone or more than one, I would likely not be. So it's a double edged thing.
Thing is, our admin is "divide and conquer." If you look at the portable teachers' schedules, you will immediately note that they deliberately schedule our prep and lunch periods opposite to prevent us from having a chance to talk to each other.
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