Tactical Withdrawal

[Ned]

I've been thinking I had got on top of things, but now I'm not so sure and would appreciate some advice.
Just lately I have had a stupidly demanding work-load (excuse for the absence), and it's knocked me back.
The work I do is directly related to keeping people alive, is valuable, and normally gives me a very positive boost just to be doing it.
But a week ago I had to work sixteen-hour days of very intense high-concentration design and build stuff, for about nine days,
Real operational-type intensity, no slack. The box of tricks worked (bloody well, in fact).
But I feel crap and I know I've taken several steps backwards without being able to do a thing about it. (Girlfriend's well pissed off with me, and has said in the past that I need to stop going at everything as if I'm still on ops myself).
Sometimes the job has been like that. Ego trip aside, I really don't want to have to give it up, but I'm beginning to think that I absolutely MUST put a limit on the hours I work. It's hard, but what might force me to do it is if I know there's sound medical/psychological advice that says so.
So, what I'd like to know, is has anyone been told that one of the (many) changes PTSD causes is a loss of that ability to just suck it up? I am not sure I can any more, it takes a lot out of me and I end up like a zombie again. What I did last week should've left me big-headed and chuffed, but I just felt numb.
If there is a definite and identified need to limit what I take on, and if anyone else has had guidance or advice (or been read the riot act) on this one, I'd appreciate knowing.

P.S. I'm really pleased to see some encouraging stories since I've been away, really pleased.

 

[Zipperhead]

Well Ned, I have to say that as long as I was working, I was still able to make ends. My wife on the other hand said that I was going down every day. I guess I didn't notice because work kept me moving, and as long as I was moving, I could pretend everything was fine. I could blame the fatigue on the long days. I could blame the anxiety on a super large work load. I could blame the anger on having to deal with idiots (The admin world is full of them). Once I stopped, I crashed.

I have no awesome advice. No golden key here. I think maybe balance is what you need. If your employer values your work, maybe he'll be willing to lighten the load. He might demand some conceisons too, but maybe a happy medium can be found. Allot of what we feel about ourselves comes from the accomplishments we make from work. If you lose that, you lose some of your self worth. But if you are running yourself bare, your really not helping anyone. Your effectiveness will suffer, you relationships will suffer, and you will suffer. Hopefully your new employer will recognise this and work with you to come to a compremise.

Al

 

[Jimmy1]

This is why if you can get your PTSD recognised with the VA in Australia and the Military Super, they look after you.
Some days I want to work. I used to love working and actually achieving goals, it was the whole self importance thing. Now I am not allowed to work more than 8 hours a week or else they re-assess me, and if I do go back to work, I lose my pension and have to re apply later. Imagine how hard it would be to get back.

So, I feel sorry for you guys in other countries who's VA does not look after you, and I feel sorry for my fellow Aussies who have not got their claims approved.

Look after yourself Ned. Its good to see you put your head in the door from time to time.

 

[Ned]

Cheers Jimmy, don't know about head round the door tho, right now I feel like plonking my arse down in one of your shacks in the middle of nowhere. For a week.
And you're right Al, no point in running on empty, too lean a mixture and you burn out. Was reading your stuff about diagnosis, I found the same. My partner knew what it was long before I accepted it. Good luck mate, unfortunately the lids will keep popping off boxes you probably didn't even know you had but it does get better, getting a handle on it beats the confused muddle.

 

[Zipperhead]

Just wish we'd get past the sob stories and into advice on how to deal with things. Maybe a few pills. I don't know, anything that would give hope. I have been off work since January 14th. The bank account is shrinking, and I don't see the light yet. Hope your issues with work smoothe out. Your still working, and I'm hoping to get back to where you are. I'd hate to see you join me.

Al

 

[Ned]

Just wish we'd get past the sob stories and into advice on how to deal with things.
Al

Mate, what I found is that you have to tell the sob stories, and then the advice is self-administered. What I found is that once I began to understand what was eating at me, I got my sights on it and started working out how to nail it.
This does mean a bit of pain in the head, acceptance of the fact you have been fundementally re-wired.
It's a lot to take in but it does NOT mean that you are any less.
Look at Anthony's very sound advice on dealing with stuff. I have tried it (totally OCD as an exercise) and it really does work.
I found that the biggest headache for me was accepting the fact I now had to work at learning life again. After all, as a grown-up, why should you?
Problem is, we are a bit too grown up. And it shows, every day. Anyway, you've got a cracking logo and I'm jealous.
Good luck Al.

 

[Jimmy1]

Just wish we'd get past the sob stories and into advice on how to deal with things. Maybe a few pills. I don't know, anything that would give hope. I have been off work since January 14th. The bank account is shrinking, and I don't see the light yet. Hope your issues with work smoothe out. Your still working, and I'm hoping to get back to where you are. I'd hate to see you join me.

Al

This is just my opinion, I am not a trained psych.

Unfortunately 'Sob Stories' come with the territory. Nearly everyone on here has either lost their partner, their career, or a whole lot more, all due to PTSD. A lot of them are also carrying around injuries from service.
And unfortunately, the majority of them still have not had any joy with their VA, so that pressure alone weighs heavily on their life.

Pills work, 'Yes' for some, and 'No' for others, they have to find the right one and everyone is made up differently.
Realistically, medication and therapy is the best combination, but you also have to take away the stressors if you can otherwise all of that will add up to nothing. Think about an asthmatic. They can exercise regularly and take all the preventative medication out there, but if they have plants in their yards which flower, and that pollen affects them, all that effort is wasted.

PTSD will never go away totally. So if you are in a relationship where there is an undue amount of stress, or you are in a job which gets you worked up every day, or you live in a town which has triggers around every corner, then you need to put in place a system to change this. What I mean is this....

If you have undue stress in your relationship then you need to let your partner know and if she refuses to change then there is a problem in itself. My ex could not change and left.
With regards to children, well they are yours, you brought them into the world and they will eventually leave home, but they should also abide by some rules.

If you have a job where you are not happy or where you have informed them of your ailment, then although it could be hard, don't you think you should be looking for a different job. Staying there and having your symptoms inflamed every day is not really a solution is it.

I live in a town which they call a 'Garrison City', it is home to the 1st, 2nd, and 3rd Infantry Battalions as well as all the supporting units. I also live in the flight path of all the flyboys and my nerves are on edge every time they go over. So where ever I go, there is military. We also have a training area up on the range about 40 km away, but on a good day, when the wind is right, when the artillery are practicing, I can hear the shells landing and it sounds like 'Mortar Primaries'.

So, we are planning to move when the kids are grown. This will take away a major stressor. The unfortunate thing is that we will have to move away from my therapy, but hopefully I will have dealt with the majority by then.

What I am trying to say is 'How can you manage a 'Stress Disorder' when everything surrounding you is 'Stress'.

If you can manage some of the stressful situations, get therapy, and get some medicinal help, it will put you on the right track.

Just waffling now. It was just an opinion.

 

[Fargo1]

Ned,

My last couple of weeks have been similar to yours. But after a decent night's sleep, several things have come clear. My "suck it up" muscle is pretty damn strong. When I have a goal, I can tuck my head and bull on through, shutting out everything else....which is ONE of my problems. Because everything else is shut out due to trying to achieve my goal, I feel like everything is okay. But once the goal is achieved, I turn around and look at the mess I have created of my life, and the Lizard is sitting on my shoulder, smiling and nodding his head and telling me to keep at it.

With my current clarity I have noticed some things. I started feeling better when I got therapy and made the decision to close my architecture firm. The stress of that decision was unbearable. But it is done. The construction company I work for now has been amazing. Of course they all have or their wives have PTSD! So I have that going for me, which is nice. But they have actually told me NOT to work overtime for them. I think it is sound advice.

Of course I have had to for the last few weeks to get my business wrapped up, packed, stored, and still be able to put food on the table. And I am paying the price for it right now.

So long story short, I think your girl is correct. Cut back the hours. Try to treat it like a job, not a mission. Take care of yourself.

Now to try to heed my own advice.

 

[Ned]

Thanks mate. It's a common factor, isn't it? And once we're in mission mode we do get tunnel vision.
All very useful while it was on ops and a complete twat now. You've got a good company there, though.
Haven't got much useful to add, I'm a bit knackered, but I appreciate the talk, it helps.

 

[Jimmy1]

The motivation factor is what sucks to me. I can make the grandest plans for everything, but unless I get support or switch to mission mode it is just another blueprint on the drawing board.

For example, my new vegetable garden has not happened. I am not strong enough since my back surgery to remove all the old shit. Pride and Ego have sort of got in the way too as I have been ashamed to admit it to Margaret and ask for help. Well, maybe after holidays.

You see, I believe that is where we go wrong sometimes. For a lot of us who are ex serving now, the whole pride and ego get in the road. We 'used' to be able to do a lot of things, but since our PTSD has reared its head, and our injuries from a hard slog in the forces have showed up, we are not able to do what we used to.

Thoughts

Jimmy

 

[Ned]

You're right Jimmy. Despite all the TLC it gets, I wouldn't submit my 50-year-old Landrover to the sort of punishment I happily inflicted on the in-service ones, yet still expect more & better of myself than 20 years ago.
Daft, but I suppose the service ethics mean we find it hard to live off our wits rather than beasting things.
But next week I am pressing the off button for seven days. See what floats to the surface.
Happy gardening, mate.

 

[Jimmy1]

My boy said to me today that its not the PTSD that makes me grumpy, it's my high expectations. That coming from a 14 year old. He is right, partly though. The military conditioning and me finishing a WO2, I lived my life a certain way. 20 years in the military, f*ck. You do 15 in jail and they say your institutionalised.
So my expectations are high. At least I don't let him become a nothing.

Its my tolerance for incompetence which I have none of. That is partially PTSD and partially military conditioning I reckon. And that is why we struggle so much trying to maintain our relationships either in the family home or at work. They don't behave like good little subordinates. And if you have a disagreement, you can't just punch them in the mouth.

That is just my thoughts, what do you guys think?