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Talking to my t about suicide

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I once told my therapist I didn't want any of his happy thoughts shit. I forget who said it, but just because he said you are improving doesn't mean he doesn't hear you. Plus, he can't read your mind. I had suicidal ideations for 4 years, 6 attempts or more, until I realized that suicidal thoughts are only thoughts. They aren't facts.

If you don't tell him how you are doing, how is he going to know? I improved during those 4 years, however I was still ill, and my T knew I was still ill. If you don't tell your therapist what's going on, he doesn't know.
 
It'll be difficult for your T to help you with what you need if he's basing things on misinformation. I used to blank out of withhold now I'm truly feeling with my previous therapist because I was afraid I'd immediately get "locked up." However, by not seeing how low I was, she couldn't help in the way I needed. I decided to test the waters to ask a generic question "so what's your policy if someone mentions feeling suicidal?" That helped ease my fear that only mentioning it would send me directly to the hospital. I have since switched therapists and did the same thing. I feel very comfortable with her and I feel I can easily explain my negative thoughts or behaviors. She helped me define what a "crises" is and figure out a safety plan. Aside from anxiety during my sessions, I tend to feel better just bring in a safe place. I started to write how I feel before my session and read right off the paper at my session. She then helps me dissect the issue and find potential triggers that I couldn't figure out on my own. I hope you feel safe with your therapist and feel you can open up with them. Mine insured that just talking about the thoughts won't automatically send me away, but she does make sure she checks in to make sure I'm safe. If I didn't write things down I'll just say I'm "fine," or blank out on everything that may have come up within the last week. Another suggestion I have is that I have key words where she and my best friend know to pry further. It's hard to admit my thoughts and feelings up front so if I respond "iI' fine," they know I'm not and they can get me talking. I don't know why I can't just say "I'm not ago, I'm in a dark place." Maybe you have a key phrase or word your therapist knows to ask questions. Help your therapist to help you. I know it's much easier said than done.
 
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