Are you OK doing grounding for flashbacks and emotional flashbacks/intrusions Novemberstar?
Sorry it has taken so long to get support. Sadly I actually think it's "normal" in a crazy way.
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Terrified Of 'grounding' - Prefer To Dissociate? - Help Please
- Post starter NovemberStar
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Sorry it has taken so long to get support. Sadly I actually think it's "normal" in a crazy way.
Life_in_the_Mist
Bronze Member
I think for me depersonalization and dissociation feel safe--although I hate them. I feel if I am not dissociated, emotional harm will come to me especially with a situation I am in now. When you are grounded you are also more open and that is threatening. It's like--why bother grounding myself if I'm just going to get hurt and dissociate again?
Have you ever thought of disassociation as nothing more than a tool...like a hammer is to a carpenter disassociation is to a victim of abuse. You can use disassociation in that same way once you learn to control it. These grounding or relaxation exercises are steps toward learning to control it. Back in my day we used guided imagery I think.
I personally have used my disassociation to have a root canal without the pain killer shot in my gums. I can use it to control my blood pressure. My Dr. just freaks out when she can't get a reading.
I personally have used my disassociation to have a root canal without the pain killer shot in my gums. I can use it to control my blood pressure. My Dr. just freaks out when she can't get a reading.
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- #17
NovemberStar
Platinum Member
I can't tolerate grounding in any way, in any circumstance.
Thinking or talking about it raises my anxiety levels through the roof, and triggers me to really panic.
Today I find myself angry if I distract. It's like part of me WANTS to stay sad , depressed, dissociated and suicidal. It doesn't make sense to me :-/
Thinking or talking about it raises my anxiety levels through the roof, and triggers me to really panic.
Today I find myself angry if I distract. It's like part of me WANTS to stay sad , depressed, dissociated and suicidal. It doesn't make sense to me :-/
radicalgratitude
Gold Member
Yes, that part that wants to stay sad, depressed, dissociated and suicidal is trying to be helpful to you. Any change is scary, even if its a good change. So that part is protecting you from the unknown, and it has taken on an incredible burden of continuing to protect you even after the trauma has ended.
But there is a part of you that wants healing even if it means letting go of the very things that kept you safe during the trauma. Now that what happened to you is over, you are learning new ways of keeping yourself safe that are very different from what you did before. As you get used to these new ways you can ask the part that is scared if it is willing to let go of its burdens and that you will keep it safe with these new skills.
Sounds real interesting.
Pretty much all of the distresses and fears as Iam sure many will have heard comes DIRECTLY from your childhood
Many of you were left with to skills of ways of regulating those fears as an infant hence a trip to the cafe can sometimes be life or death etc-its,again as many will have heard the adult bodies expierience of the inner child that was neglected and(strong as it sounds)abused.
I've travelled the world in the last 12 years trying techniques etc and many despite being classed as embarrassing presence have had a disassociation effect with me.
The place most folk won't go to is their childhood!!thats the truth they have to confront and begin integrating...most therapists won't insist on going there(since they too have repressed their childhood)and this will prove in some ways the reason why some therapy will be futile)
I suggest reading some Alice Miller books may provide a context for many on here that haven't heard of her.
Oddly enough,over time many of us will realise with insight truth and awareness that what we endured as 2foot high dependant creatures were signals and behaviours that a giant 3times the size of us now adults if done to us would have us vomit or frozen with fear...
Good luck folks
Pretty much all of the distresses and fears as Iam sure many will have heard comes DIRECTLY from your childhood
Many of you were left with to skills of ways of regulating those fears as an infant hence a trip to the cafe can sometimes be life or death etc-its,again as many will have heard the adult bodies expierience of the inner child that was neglected and(strong as it sounds)abused.
I've travelled the world in the last 12 years trying techniques etc and many despite being classed as embarrassing presence have had a disassociation effect with me.
The place most folk won't go to is their childhood!!thats the truth they have to confront and begin integrating...most therapists won't insist on going there(since they too have repressed their childhood)and this will prove in some ways the reason why some therapy will be futile)
I suggest reading some Alice Miller books may provide a context for many on here that haven't heard of her.
Oddly enough,over time many of us will realise with insight truth and awareness that what we endured as 2foot high dependant creatures were signals and behaviours that a giant 3times the size of us now adults if done to us would have us vomit or frozen with fear...
Good luck folks
- Post starter
- #20
NovemberStar
Platinum Member
thank you everyone for taking the time to reply. I'm sorry I haven't been able to reply individually to all that has been said (I will try to at some point soon). Just finding it hard to concentrate and hard to think about this stuff too much.
I've begun to think that perhaps one reason I don't like to 'relax' or 'feel ok' right now, is because I AM 'directly' back in childhood right now - and to 'relax' or 'feel ok' never stayed that way - very soon, I would once again be right back into fear mode.
Perhaps that is why I want to stay dissociated right now - it feels safer .. it means that if (ie WHEN) something really bad happens again (cos it will soon, says my childhood self), being dissociated protects me from it. It is less of a shock that way.
I've probably had thousands and thousands of experiences where I 'let my guard down' only to be shocked back into the awful reality of childhood abuse. Why learn to feel ok or safe or happy if it is only going to end up in more pain? Isn't it better - safer - to stay feeling dissociated or not relaxed?
And all the 'logic' of my adult self - the one in the present where there ISNT a bigger threat about to happen (unless you count more flashbacks of course ;( ) .. isn't enough to shift the innate experiences I had growing up.
I've begun to think that perhaps one reason I don't like to 'relax' or 'feel ok' right now, is because I AM 'directly' back in childhood right now - and to 'relax' or 'feel ok' never stayed that way - very soon, I would once again be right back into fear mode.
Perhaps that is why I want to stay dissociated right now - it feels safer .. it means that if (ie WHEN) something really bad happens again (cos it will soon, says my childhood self), being dissociated protects me from it. It is less of a shock that way.
I've probably had thousands and thousands of experiences where I 'let my guard down' only to be shocked back into the awful reality of childhood abuse. Why learn to feel ok or safe or happy if it is only going to end up in more pain? Isn't it better - safer - to stay feeling dissociated or not relaxed?
And all the 'logic' of my adult self - the one in the present where there ISNT a bigger threat about to happen (unless you count more flashbacks of course ;( ) .. isn't enough to shift the innate experiences I had growing up.
Lucycat
Sponsor
Hi NovemberStar,
Have you heard of Structural Dissociation? I have this. It is terribly confusing, but essentially I have another 'part' - the child part who suffered abuse. If the child part is 'out' and taking control there is no way grounding is possible as the child is distressed ( stuck in the past) and the past is her present so grounding simply reinforces that.
When this happens, I have -in therapy- had to find ways to comfort the child and be able to come back to the real adult me taking charge. As an adult I can do grounding and feel safe without difficulty.
For the child to 'come out' I will have been triggered by something, and it is that 'something' that we have to identify and work on in order to put it in its place.
You will probably think from reading this that I am bonkers. But surprisingly I am not ;). It has taken T a long time to get me to understand this, but now that I think I do I am able to access help much quicker when things are not going so well.
I just thought from reading your original post that this really rung a bell, and might be something for you to consider.
Regards
Lucy x
Have you heard of Structural Dissociation? I have this. It is terribly confusing, but essentially I have another 'part' - the child part who suffered abuse. If the child part is 'out' and taking control there is no way grounding is possible as the child is distressed ( stuck in the past) and the past is her present so grounding simply reinforces that.
When this happens, I have -in therapy- had to find ways to comfort the child and be able to come back to the real adult me taking charge. As an adult I can do grounding and feel safe without difficulty.
For the child to 'come out' I will have been triggered by something, and it is that 'something' that we have to identify and work on in order to put it in its place.
You will probably think from reading this that I am bonkers. But surprisingly I am not ;). It has taken T a long time to get me to understand this, but now that I think I do I am able to access help much quicker when things are not going so well.
I just thought from reading your original post that this really rung a bell, and might be something for you to consider.
Regards
Lucy x
Hi November
This suggestion is as obvious as anything termed obvious but you need therapy!!
Possibly you're in some therapy or have had some- I'd pin the therapist to YOUR demands i.e. what protocol can YOU use to align and form and build relationship with our inner child!! Also,I'd ask what early trauma protocol work can you work on? Your abandoned abused child needs safety now that its never known. Possibly EMDR too but NEVER allow you're childhood to be overlooked in the dialogue.
Also, another also would be to look into sub selves we all have i.e. critic, performer, wounded and achiever aspects of our selves...yours won't likely be communicating due to childhood horrors that then break off and become accentuated in adulthood.
Also good to feel the anger about the injustice served on a helpless innocent child!
Ahhhh,if only we knew of animals that done such en masse to their young and captured it on national geographic we could all vomit in tandem.
Good luck
This suggestion is as obvious as anything termed obvious but you need therapy!!
Possibly you're in some therapy or have had some- I'd pin the therapist to YOUR demands i.e. what protocol can YOU use to align and form and build relationship with our inner child!! Also,I'd ask what early trauma protocol work can you work on? Your abandoned abused child needs safety now that its never known. Possibly EMDR too but NEVER allow you're childhood to be overlooked in the dialogue.
Also, another also would be to look into sub selves we all have i.e. critic, performer, wounded and achiever aspects of our selves...yours won't likely be communicating due to childhood horrors that then break off and become accentuated in adulthood.
Also good to feel the anger about the injustice served on a helpless innocent child!
Ahhhh,if only we knew of animals that done such en masse to their young and captured it on national geographic we could all vomit in tandem.
Good luck
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- Post starter
- #23
NovemberStar
Platinum Member
Lucycat - wow!!! I will google that for sure - do you have any links or websites or similar that explain that??? makes so much sense to me!!!
Gezz - i am in therapy. Have been on and off, but mainly in, for over twenty years. Currently been seeing my therapist for past two and a bit years. I had fifteen years free of the PTSD, built up a good life for myself, functioned for the first time in my life! But a series of devastating earthquakes hit my city (had two years of non stop ground shaking ;( ). That triggered up more abuse memories and feelings.
This morning I used the visualization and discovered my adult self cant make the little me come back to safety - because the little me refuses to leave my mother. Its exactly like if a social worker had tried to come in to my home when I was growing up and take me to safety - I wouldn't have gone. I needed to stay and help mum. I needed to look after her, make sure SHE was ok (she was the abuser by the way). I don't think that has to do with my inability to ground or relax though ... but it does provide more insight. I had suspected I'd felt the 'betrayal bond' thing with my mother - like the STockholm hostage situation - even though she was the abuser, I was very very loyal to her and sought to protect her. But this is the first time I have felt he concrete feelings associated with that 'need to stay with her'.
Gezz - i am in therapy. Have been on and off, but mainly in, for over twenty years. Currently been seeing my therapist for past two and a bit years. I had fifteen years free of the PTSD, built up a good life for myself, functioned for the first time in my life! But a series of devastating earthquakes hit my city (had two years of non stop ground shaking ;( ). That triggered up more abuse memories and feelings.
This morning I used the visualization and discovered my adult self cant make the little me come back to safety - because the little me refuses to leave my mother. Its exactly like if a social worker had tried to come in to my home when I was growing up and take me to safety - I wouldn't have gone. I needed to stay and help mum. I needed to look after her, make sure SHE was ok (she was the abuser by the way). I don't think that has to do with my inability to ground or relax though ... but it does provide more insight. I had suspected I'd felt the 'betrayal bond' thing with my mother - like the STockholm hostage situation - even though she was the abuser, I was very very loyal to her and sought to protect her. But this is the first time I have felt he concrete feelings associated with that 'need to stay with her'.
- Post starter
- #24
NovemberStar
Platinum Member
LUCYCAT: could you please explain some more? I have googled but it is way too complicated - the articles are all written thesis etc, and I cant concentrate on them. Im particularly interested in that part you said about how 'the child part - her past is the present so grounding just reinforces that'.
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