The Big White House

[Rabecca]

This is a recalled memory that came to me in a series of flashbacks today.
My father walked me up to this big white house out in the country. we walked in I saw a lot of kids on bed and sitting around, there were a lot of adult there to they were doing thing to the kids (sexual things) I tried not to look. He took me up stairs there was cameras all over the place and 2 beds. He changes my cloths. He sat me on the bed and immediately started taking picture and filming. then 2 men came in and started moving me around and taking off my cloths and started touching me. I tried to get away than they gave me a shot of something, after the shot took affect I knew everything that was happening I just could not move. they touched put things in side of me and then they raped me both men. This all happen to me when i was 6

 

[Bloomy]

Cant push like on this.

Im so so so awefully sorry to hear these mildly said terrible things they did to you

Sending you warm thoughts and wish you courage to heal cause you certainly deserved to have a good life after been through this.

Take well care.

 

[WillyKat]

Agree completely with @Bloomy. It's a huge step for you to come to the forum and open up like this. Crucial to the healing process. Lean on us when you need to, and welcome to the forum.

 

[Deleted member 541]

I'm hoping that you have nothing to do with your father now, or maybe he's no longer in the picture, as in dead.... Deal with what you do remember, and don't try to force yourself to remember more. Try and stay grounded, and be kind to yourself...

 

[Rabecca]

yes he is dead now

 

[Hanala]

There are so many sweet, innocent people on this forum who suffered things a person should never know about :sorry: it's a huge step to be able to talk about these things and I give you all the kudos in the world for doing it. I hope that you're able to work through this here and with professionals when you're ready <3

 

[Powder]

I, too, was treated in a similar way, but at home and church. My dad and his friend also used a camera and tripod.

For years, I would have a panic whenever a camera was taken out. My little sister would have terrible flashbacks when our mom took us to have our photo taken.

I hate that there are evil people like this. And I hate the Doctors and Clinical therapists that theorize that this isn't Traumatic to children. I think they are just as sick.

But the truth is, that many people, probably most people, are not like this and are ignorant or think it's rare.

It's up to us who have been treated this way from a young age to push for strict laws to crack down on pedophiles and treat them all as guilty of torture, which is internationally outlawed.

Do you have a therapist or a supporter?

Do you dissociate or have the ability to sort of numb out?

When these flashbacks come to you, it's good you are typing out what you recall. It really helps to be heard, believed, and validated, and to speak out. People need to be made aware of how common this is, and that they NEED to take action against pedophiles. And they will if we keep talking.

Thank you for sharing. In my experience, it's so painful to re-experience these memories, physically, as well as in all other ways. It is very hard on the body. You will have blood pressure going up and down, and other issues medically. It's absolutely needed to find a trustworthy Dr. to try to slow down the flashbacks and keep your body strong so you can heal past these.

On the flip side, it's good to know what you have survived so you can see how strong you actually always have had to be. Take it easy on yourself now. You don't have to be "strong" in the sense of self-neglect.

Hugs if you want them. I am so proud of both of us for surviving.

My dad and mom are not dead yet. They are financially well off. My dad also would "shoot up" but I don't know what drug, specifically. It made him act drunk, slurred speech and happy, childlike mood. I know he asked for "black tar heroine" when coming to once, so I have long suspected that. He also probably used the Valium he had in his office.

 

[Deleted member 38242]

I was raped about six by a step grandfather. He used to verbally assault me for hours then at night try to hide doing sick stuff. I barely remember it I blacked out. He used a lot of fear, and hate while he hurt me. I worked on that one trauma really hard in therapy, and it isnt on my major flashback trauma list anymore. Its just a bad memory now. I have a ton of other early childhood traumas coming up now, and diffrent painful abuseive situations where I was as powerless as a six year old kid again. The powerlesness and inability to defend myself is the worst body memories I still have to work through this. I hope it gets better for you soon. You have my support. Im sorry we were inocent, and it wasnt our fault.