The damage done when people isolate you

[Abrasky]

I was wondering if anyone else is dealing with the damage of a parent isolating you. When I was a child, I noticed my dad would go into a violent rage in my family towards my mum and me often came as soon as I started to develop lots of friends. When the violence happened my mum would get angry and follow it up with emotional blackmail in the form of abandonment and 'hating' me. I learned pretty quick not to have friends. From being the most popular girl in class in kindergarten due to a natural inquisitive affinity to be with people to for some thing I can't remember, and then having no friends in yr 1-3. Then in Yr 3 starting to make friends in a choir again, and my dad going into a rage with my mum over that, and my mum getting angry with me and withdrawing me from the choir. I sat alone pretty much the rest of my school career in order to avoid my dad's violence. And pushed people away by being annoying because I didn't want my dad to find out and be violent. I lost friends again and then when I started to make friends again at uni, my friend called me at home on my uni holidays at home. This time my dad's attack involved a threat on my life, so I again retreated like a hermit and was unable to make friends for another 13 years.
How do you deal with it? How do you grieve for many lost friends?

 

[Jennie]

My father, who was bipolar (and never treated), had a much more subtle way of alienating me from any real future friendships. He told me that there was only one person I could depend on in this world and that person was myself. Until I grew up, of course, HE was the only OTHER person I could trust. That brainwashing & the implied threat of violence were enough to cripple my emotional relationships for decades. It took a bout of kidney cancer for me to see how dependent upon and how graced I was to have a rich network of family and friends. This legacy I owe to my mother's unfailing love and unwavering support of me throughout a tumultuous and traumatic life. Forget your father. Make new friends. You have to risk your heart. You must be brave.

 

[Srain]

This thread hits VERY close to home for me. I grew up isolated not for the same reasons as you but because my family moved all the time and not because we were military, so we didn't have bases to go to with other children in the same boat. We were isolated, I found out later, because my father was a pedaphile and a career man so it was important to keep on the move.

I lost many friends until I just learned not to get too close. I just kept moving as an adult and would occasionally think to myself there is something odd about me but then I would consider how I kept making friends but for some reason or another found a reason to move. I did make some exceptional friends at one point who I still have but couldn't seem to stay close no matter how I tried. I am only now REALLY looking at this and starting to understand the toll it's taken on me and the price I've had to pay psychologically.

I'm sorry for all you have gone through, nobody should ever go through that. (((hugs)))

peace and healing,
Rain