The Damn Army And Disgusting Animals

[abdicater]

I dont think its ptsd, more like rage. I spent years in training centers, field problems and Iraq I was forced to stay awake for days at a time. Forced to live like a wild animal with no clean uniforms, no shower, no shelter, exposed to over 120 degree temps nothing to eat but mre's and constant attacks by Iraqis for nearly a year. I get treated like dirt im always tired. I have to get up before sun up to pt and then get off work about 12 hours later. the army keeps sending to one desert after another or some swamp and keeps giving me orders to be stationed in the south west of the U.S. I hate the south west its hot as hell the wind doesnt stop and there is nothing to do. Ive been spat on pelted with rocks and dirts had rockets shot at me and been put on patrol some times lasting days where there is always gun fire. Being that Im combat arms I get sent to do the most time consuming dangerous dirtiest work while other people just relax and treat me like dirt when ever they have the oppertunity. I have to lift hundreds of 155 rounds that are more than half my weight. Why cant everyone die?

I almost forgot Im flat broke every time im on a long drive I get the feeling Im driving through fields in Iraq random strangers are always trying to piss me off the army keeps trying to play games. You dont treat a person who has the army's most dangerous weopons like shit and expect nothing from it oh and i have another two years of this nightmare.

Heavy Artillery

 

[anthony]

Hi Abdicater,

Whilst the military is hard work, as a veteran myself of six operations, you seem angry at the Army and the world, yet it is you who signed on the dotted line. Yes, the military often feed us all shit to join, but the fact is, we signed on the dotted line, they didn't sign for us. The only people who can truly be disgruntled at the military for war related service as those who went through conscription, as they didn't sign on for it as a volunteer like we did, but they got told they must go to war, even though they never wanted to. We sign on that bottom line, nobody forced us. Just food for thought. You think you're worse off than others, but what about someone who was raised from birth being abused, raped and fondled, locked away from life, daily terror and torment? That trumps what we do by volunteering for soldiering. We asked for our shit... a young kid never asked for their abuse. Who is really worse off for trauma and then day to day life now?

 

[treetop]

First, I'd like to say to Abdicater that I can't even imagine what it would be like to go to war. I rarely feel true patriotism except when I think of the men and women who serve my country. And second, as a survivor of incest, I would like to thank Anthony for the acknowledging that I didn't sign up for my war. Nobody ever says that and it really touched my heart to hear that from a man.

 

[TLight]

Abdicater;

I've read what you are experiencing and I must say.......it sounds like it is horrible and you must feel trapped, betrayed and helpless. Whether or not you volunteered or not, you are suffering and I want to acknowledge that suffering.

I'm a CPTSD'er from chronic childhood abuse......I don't know what kind of person I'd be without the abuse, it happened so young.

Try to remember who you were before this experience, hang onto that, write letters for support, cry openinly........and we are listening.

 

[dhawkins78412]

I was a medic while in the army. I retired in 2000. I want to thank you for your service. You're defending your country. I've not been in a war zone but I have ptsd from another sourse. I'm not a psychiatrist but I'd say you have ptsd. Anger is one of the feelings. I know you got sent to a lot of jobs you didnt' like but I bet your supervisors thought you can handle it.

You might think who cares that I can handle it. I feel the same way because I'm employed and many others state they're unable to work. And they say I'm doing great. When its really hell trying to get thru the day. I do a good job and they think I'm management material. But I dont' want it. I know my limits; I really don't handle stress well. They also say oh it makes you strong or you're a strong person and you think who cares I'm strong. When its a struggle every day.

The thing is you're surviving. Somehow you are surviving. And that's not easy to do. I survived and many others have survived also. Try to have pride in that.

Personally I think all able citizens should serve their country. I know we don't have compulsorary military service. Thats my personal opinion. You live in the country and you should do your part in defending it.

Feel your feelings. The more you fight them the more they intrude. I have a book from our mental health department and there is a section about not being overwhelmed by your feelings. When it gets to be consuming. It's called grounding. You might want to look it up on the internet. I was doubting when I first read it. Why would I want to detach from my overwhelming feelings.

I dont' totally beleive it but I'll read it over and give it a try. For me writing about what is bothering me helps so I dont' do anything rash. And get a realistic perspective on what is going on inside of me.

I learned from a group I attended many years ago; to get out of it you have to go thru it. Feel your anger, have panic attacks, etc. Don't hate yourself for your experience and how you're feeling. You're having normal feelings to an abnormal situation. Hope this helps.