The Disturbed Mind - Compliant Victims Of The Sexual Sadist

[winterose]

geezus ..I will stand my ground, I won't back down. That was my abuser. A Sexual sadist. And my ex. The bait and switch games..I normally like aha moment but , there it is truth, god I was such prime pickings.

 

[Anna]

Reading this makes me feel angry, sad and also disgusted.

I myself was a victim of a sexual sadist/sadists for many years, mainly due to low self esteem and self destruction. If I could go back to speak to the young person I was then to change and stop it. I would, but what is done is done. It sends a shiver down my spine though to accept that I was a victim of sexual sadism. Alot of it was due to being naiive and also due to self hatred.

 

[safenow]

I'm taking the links to both these articles to my therapist on Friday. Thank you very much for putting them up. You have helped me to see that even my uncle was one. When I read the first one, I though to my last husband. Only the FBI helped me stay safe from him. But he still triggers me, even though he is no longer alive. Perhaps it's not him, but people like him. and those four men who broke into my home in 1969. Three of them were that way with what they did to me. The fourth left after that first night and day, after telling me how sorry he was. He left before the police arrested the others. And they only got 15 years. I still suffer physically and emotionally from what they did to me. Every time I look at my body I see them and what they did.

But my uncle started when I was only about 9-10 years old. As I look back at all he taught me, and programmed into my mind and body, It not only makes me sad, it makes me angry. He set me up to be the perfect victim for evil people. When I saw some of the visual things he implanted into my mind this past October I had so many bad things happen. He has been dead for many years, yet those who were in his groups, the children of those who were in his groups still practice the things they learned in his house. There are so many of us out there, who need to be helped to get rid of all that bad programming.

Does anyone know if there are still good, professional people out there who do deprogramming for those who grew up in cults? This is within the USA.

 

[Abstract]

I allowed it

Piratelady I don't at all believe that one allows us in the normal sense. Being manipulated, undermined and coerced into doing something is not ever the same as allowing it. The good thing is that you can learn to recognise the signs early and protect yourself. These criminals are extremely good at annihilating any self protective ability. This was not your fault.

 

[Abstract]

and programmed into my mind and body

So very sorry Safenow. Your uncle sounds like a very sick person and noone - especially no child- should be at the receiving end of that. I hope you find what you need.

 

[safenow]

I hope you find what you need.

Thank you, Abstract. Me too.

 

[winterose]

I been thinking of this all weekend. The investigator that was on my case asked me why I didn't leave, when Don had me. I never could answer that. I tried. But they said well he didn't have a gun to your head. Those two statements left me in so much doubt and each mistake that I had from there on out went back to this. Which left me a big fat feeling of not being worth enough. Every action I took was trying to measure up and erase the feeling of unworthiness. To erase that somehow it was my fault. And honestly, I am still wading through fault.

What's worse is that feeling is backed especially when dealing with the times certain things "felt" good. Then back that up with a religious upbringing that somehow you are supposed to stand up to evil and to not do so is participatory in itself, and when one fails it shows of weak mind and character. I had a priest say I failed as my duty in protecting my virtues. I truly want to believe I wasn't at fault. Not just intelligently but in my heart. I know I got a long ways to go to fix thing.

Why is it we can understand it so clearly for others they aren't at fault, but for ourselves it is so much harder to believe?

 

[safenow]

I had a priest say I failed as my duty in protecting my virtues. I truly want to believe I wasn't at fault.

I"m sorry your priest said that to you. He didn't understand, did he! It really was not your fault. That is a tool of evil to make you believe it was your fault. For years and years, I believed because I didn't want it to be done, that somehow I had invited it. In fact, I was even told one time I invited it. But they lied. I hope you can believe that. It was not your fault. Put the blame where it really belongs, back on the person who did those things to you.

 

[winterose]

Thanks safenow, I will try to see it. This is what I'll be working on in therapy starting tomorrow.

 

[Abstract]

Why is it we can understand it so clearly for others they aren't at fault, but for ourselves it is so much harder to believe?

I really don't know. All I do know is that I think that priest did not deserve to be one and that you deserved more understanding and support than you got from all these people.

I think it is hard to explain that feeling of having our "selves" being switched off as a result of being conditioned to believe we should not have one. The power that has and how it interferes completely in the way one would normally protect oneself. It seems to take over the brain automatically.

None of what happened was you fault. And anyone committing abuse of any type is solely responsible at the end of the day. Some things make us vulnerable, yes, but that never excuses or explains someone acting out in violence or abuse.

 

[winterose]

Words to think about Abstract, thank you. I kind of get the light bulb going then it flickers out again.

 

[Abstract]

light bulb going then it flickers out again.

Know that feeling way to well. It seems to be my new best friend.