It reminds me of what I went through by my own parents and family. Still to this day I can not understand why my fathers mom was the only normal human on his side of the family. Its an illness of a double edged blade; meaning you can be one side of the blade at any given time if you, yourself have been a victim. When I meet my first wife I was almost exactly what my father was (It was the only way I knew how to show love) even though I swore to not be like him! We talked about it, but I never realized it was associated to it, till way later. The sadist side came out of me when we would be close with each other. But I never raised my hands to her. Because, again swore I would never be like dad was. I watched my mother get beaten by him so many times I was numb to hearing her cries and screams, just as much as my own. Its why when I see a woman crying I feel nothing. The scary part was she worked as the Counties Human Services Agency, which inturn screwed me, her name was different from mine. I would talk to the councelors at the school, which inturn called human services, which inturn got me labeled as a liar to the councelors, and a rage filled beating later. I learned quickly not to talk about it, to hid the cuts, to hoover in a desk so that I looked as though I was seated but not actually sitting. his belt was leather with metal studs in it. When I hear certain sounds it triggers my memory and I become unfocused on what I was doing at that time.
I wont return to this articial but it needs to stay for those that really need to understand it! Thank you junkie