Relationship The Double Standards And Blurred Lines Of Ptsd

[Nicolette]

I hope people aren't misunderstanding this - he wanted me to get rid of the spare linen before we went shopping (had nothing to do with shopping) and I wasn't shopping for bed linen today - I just commented as we passed a store.

The issue is he wants things gone and I'm not prepared to throw them out yet without thought and considering charity if need be. It wasn't an issue to be discussed in the middle of a shopping centre when I wasn't even considering any purchases.

I think the point is that Nicolette asked him to stop and he didn't, but if Anthony were to ask Nicolette to stop, it would be expected that she would.

Absolutely correct!

 

[Nicolette]

Next time shopping ..bribe him with his favourite dinner...usually works. LOL

I'm sorry I don't understand this as we were not shopping for linen and my issue was that I asked him to stop and stop and stop.

I'm sure you know that PTSD is a big stigma, and think of it more as what happened ..not a mental condition.

PTSD is a mental illness and I'm not disillusioned with what I am dealing with. I am trying to work out how his reaction mimicked PTSD behaviour but seemed more like being unreasonable with double standards of expectations.

 

[Bilby]

I'm going to go out on a limb here and suggest that perhaps the Supporters amongst those commenting on this thread understand what you are getting at Nicolette, i.e. the double standards, NOT the issue of bed linen or anything else, and the Sufferers who are commenting are coming at it from another angle. The issue of the bed linen was merely used as an example to the point you were trying to illustrate.

I'm not trying to step on anyone's toes here... I just thought it was an interesting observation.

As I said above, I totally get what you're saying Nicolette. I got it immediately, as it happens here too, a bit too frequently for my liking!

 

[Pencil]

commenting are coming at it from another angle. The issue of the bed linen was merely used as an example to the point you were trying to illustrate.

I'm not trying to step on anyone's toes here... I just thought it was an interesting observation

I know I'm going way off topic now - but this a very interesting and valid observation. I find that it happens a lot, that one sentence can generate a whole variety of responses to the example used to illustrate, or used to explain, something and that the point is completely missed.

 

[Abstract]

Sufferers

Not me! I think it is double standards. I barely even read the linen stuff. I think the other aspect of what was discussed was if the behaviour was directly linked to PTSD or not - and how difficult it is to be sure in the moment which it is and therefore what action to take.

Actually, just thinking that the other person that does this a lot and which I always come off second best with is my sister. Who doesn't have PTSD either. I know that isn't relevant to the PTSD double standard thing but sometimes I think it is also supporters that link behaviour with PTSD when it isn't necessarily.

Thanks for the edit.

 

[Pencil]

Not me! I

Me neither, but I didn't want to come across as argumentative, since this IS off topic (or isn't it?). And the ones guilty of responding to examples are not necessarily exclusively sufferers or supporters. But it does happen a lot on this forum. Perhaps it is a general human foible.

I agree with all you say, Abstract.

 

[Nicolette]

it is also supporters that link behaviour with PTSD when it isn't necessarily

And I'm trying to determine the link as I believe he was being an arse but the behaviour was what is a familiar PTSD reaction. Perhaps it is all entwined and I should just book myself into the loony bin!

 

[Bilby]

I wasn't setting out to cause offence, so apologies if I have.

Perhaps I was making a bit of a 'blanket' statement of things I have observed elsewhere in this forum and was applying it to this discussion?

I think it's an interesting point about whether or not it is PTSD behaviour or a personality thing. But, surely if one person (PTSD or not) asks you to respect something (e.g. not wanting to talk about something), and then you ask the very same thing, then not respecting that is certainly setting double standards.

 

[Bilby]

Haha, Nicolette - personally when my husband does it, I just think he's being an arse too :)

 

[Abstract]

No offence taken at all Bilby.

Personally I think if someone stops or doesn't is probably quite influenced by empathy versus the need to be right. Other than when the topic is really important of course as sometimes we have to push through. Linen does not fall under that category!

 

[Pencil]

No offense, Bilby.

To get back to the linen :roflmao: .. okay, I'll grow up: I find that I am guilty of exactly this with my daugher - when she goes on and on I tell her to STOP!! as I feel my head will explode. And yet I sometimes (often) get on a roll and can't stop. She recently wrote 'Calm Down' on paper and held it up to me when I was mid-roll.

Whether I'm just a crap mother or whether it is PTSD behavior I don't know. But my guess is that it is PTSD. Apologies.

 

[Abstract]

Don't want to disrupt Nicolette's thread ;) but I do think the dynamic with children is a little different. Children do go on and on and on and it is enough to make someone feel nuts.

get on a roll and can't stop.

But was it over linen?;) Think of if you were tuned into what her reactions were at the time or just being right! Or was there something about the interaction that was triggering that set you off. I think when we are triggered by something we are not thinking clearly. Not that it doesn't mean we don' have to find a way to manage it long term of course. For example one of the things that gets me sometimes is not being heard. But maybe think of where your focus is at a time like that. Just my 1 pennies worth!:notworthy: