General The Price Of PTSD On A Carer

[Nicolette]

Us Carers are a great bunch and sometimes we need to be awarded a gold star or something for all that we put into our relationships with our Sufferers.

Our Sufferers do well too but this is not about them............"Its all about us" this time!

What, why or how has being involved in a relationship with someone with PTSD affected you? Has it changed you? What are the good points, what are the bad?

Let me start.....

• I think I am more empathetic. I have always been kind and compassionate but I now have an added depth.
• I know I have stronger boundaries
• I have learned how not to enable someone who suffers from this illness
• I sometimes feel lonely when my sufferer is ill and can't participate
• I believe it has given me the opportunity to share my life's lessons with people and have an impact (as without Anthony I would have never been on this forum)
• I occasionally struggle with a sufferer's need to be selfish as I am not that by nature

That's it for now. I hope you get the idea.

 

[Shoka]

I am more aware of what my needs are in order to take care of myself.
I am aware that I need to strengthen my boundaries.
I have learned how to take things less personally.

 

[ISupportHer]

I Am Absolutely Changed

Just a quick first response without even thinking about it.

Bad:
I feel more insecure because of the fear of losing her. Hyper-vigilant in watching for clues that something will happen.

Just feel stressed all the time. Quit a stressful job a few months after first hospitalization. In retrospect, this was part of that decision as I rushed to try to control my stress in my life where I could.

Good:
I have always been a carer in some ways. Result of my nature AND nurture as a child. Always helped with the kids, room parent, Girl Scout leader since I have girls. But I feel this recent crisis has absolutely helped in the way I respond to others. Be aware of the content of communication and others' feelings. Can't go into details because of confidentiality but had a psych Pt in the ED (I'm an RN) that was throwing stuff, screaming and everyone was ready to just medicate her. Make it go away. Luckily, I had a few minutes and I went in and calmly talked with her to show her that someone cared. That I cared. She calmed down. Didn't fix it but she was able to calm down and sleep for a while. Not too long ago I would have just gone to the Dr. to get an order for Vitamin G or Vitamin H (Geodon or Haldol).

It is still hard for me to hold back from offering to fix things and give opinions with wife, but I feel I am better at it. That rubs of in how I interact with other people now.

 

[ANCHOR]

I love it when carers talk about BOUNDARIES! :-)

I love it when carers talk about setting boundaries!!! :occasion:
Those of us inclined to nurture often forget about caring for us.

Forgetting to care for oneself is a good way to end up hurting oneself. This is how my whole life has been.

As a result of my traumas and this condition...I was forced to really take a look at my life and see where I was never really allowed to create healthy boundaries in my youth. I made poor choices and got walked on a lot despite good performances like grades, art, and sports. I had to really just give myself a break and see how my mind was wired from the get go to just implode eventually.

This was my cycle: I have trauma because I have had poor boundaries. I have poor boundaries because my family has poor boundaries. They have poor boundaries because they have had trauma. They have trauma because they also had poor boundaries in their families. :think:

You guys are all awesome. Stay strong and healthy! :hello:

 

[Thankful]

Great thread....

As a result of being a Carer..

• I believe my character and sense of 'what matters in life' the most has been deepened and refined, in a good way.
• I have suffered trauma as a result of knowing my Sufferer and at times do feel a deep personal, sombering effect because of that.
• I have learned to detach and care 'from a distance' when needed, which is not something I knew how to do before.
• At times, I still get effected by my Sufferer's trauma, not able to 100% detach, and it's then when it feels 'heavy' on me or crazy and I wonder what my life would be like - or would have been like - without ever having known him.
• I believe and feel that I am so much more enlightened as a person to the psychological 'possibilities' for humans (such as PTSD) and find that I now have more compassion and understanding and have a sincere desire to educate others so that they can experience the same.

 

[becvan]

This is a very thoughtful thread. It's making me think as a carer and usually I don't do that.. LOL

• I have learned to put anothers symptoms first.
• I have learned how to communicate effectively (mostly)
• I have to look towards the future and push for goals in that direction.
• I have to share everything I have learned to create a healthy environment.
• I have learned how to advocate strongly and always stand up for myself and my son.
• I have learned about child PTSD, adolescent PTSD and adult PTSD. I am very well educated. :)

• I am perptually exhausted from taking care of both of us.
• I am extremely protective (and that is not always a good thing.)
• I get very frustrated with both of us setting off each others symptoms although we are improving.

I probably have lots more.. but I really haven't thought about this before. Thanks for this Nicolette. I think it's good to look and see what I have learned and what's bugging me.

bec

 

[amethist]

It is a bit late to start with my list tonight, nearly 10.30 pm and I was awake at 4.30 am for an hour then back to sleep for another few hours. I was woken by a nightmare, first one for years and it left me feeling totally drained.

So this is really my first part of the way being a carer has effected me.

I used to be able to sleep through anything, thunder storms a bomb could go off, me nothing still pushing out the zeds.

Now as my husband said if a sparrow farts (sorry Nicolette his words not mine) a mile away I am up and that's it no going back to sleep.

I will be back with more tomorrow.

Amethist

 

[amethist]

I can not really write much just now as the effect on me has been a bit rough to say the least for the last few days. I have spent hours in deep sorrow, that is the only way I can describe it.

Today I realised the reason, I am now grieving for the loss of the man that was my husband.

I told him this because we talk a lot and I mean a lot.

Hopefully now things may start to improve with minute steps. He says he will make more effort to help us both as he now wants to live a better life.

This is the effect PTSD has had on me as a carer

Amethist