The Right Time ......

[NoWhereKnowWhere]

You're obviously depressed and you can't make rational dicisions when you are. I really don't think it's a good idea discussing this. Depressed brain tells you lies I've had a suicide attempt when I've been really depressed and deeply regretted it when I wasn't as symptomatic and depressed. Saying that I regret it not working when I'm depressed again. You mightn't feel like this forever but you could do something you can't undo.

Maybe you should call someone if you feel at risk, or a suicide hotline.

 

[Snowflake]

You're obviously depressed and you can't make rational dicisions when you are. I really don't...

Oh I agree when your depressed you can't make rational decisions. I am coming here to talk my thoughts and feelings through. Suicidal???? I feel like I have been suicidal for the last 30 years-yet some days are worse than others. Many of us have posted here these same feelings the last few days , weeks and months. I, like them, just want support and validation. Just someone to listen, acknowledge and understand my thoughts and feelings. I don't like being ignored. Should I call a hotline number or crisis number????? No-I won't -they don't understand a thing about me or my life or how I feel. As I said I just want to someone to hear me, hear my thoughts and feelings.

 

[Snowflake]

It's only a question. This was not a threat. If it's threatening then delete the post. As I said others have post same thoughts and feelings here on this forum. Why are my thoughts and feelings different than others here?

 

[joeylittle]

@Snowflake - you are absolutely posting appropriately.

I am not saying I am going to end my life- would like to -but instead I reach out for help, advice or to ask silly questions.

That's exactly what this forum is for.

Sometimes, suicidal ideation (which is allowed here) is hard to distinguish from suicidal intent. But you're very clearly struggling with thoughts, not announcing an intent.

Me: I have a hard time with this, too. But I personally don't believe there is a right time. I ask myself the question all the time. And I know that answering it is only going to make things harder.

Depression lies. It really does. The only true constant of life is change. Things change. That doesn't mean they get better - or worse - just that change is always happening, sometimes around us, sometimes inside of us.

We can't ever know what will happen. But depression does a good job of trying to convince us that we do know, and that what will happen is that it will always be like this...or, it will get worse.

Depression never says it gets better.

Something that helps me, also: remembering that

• Sleep is not the same as death
• Dying is not peaceful, nor does it provide relief; you can't feel peace when you're dead.
• These feelings (suicidality) are real, but they are feelings, not absolute truths.
• If I can just turn my mind away from it, the feelings will ease up a little.
• I cannot know the future.

I'm sorry you are living with this right now. You're not alone. Writing about it helps.

 

[Snowflake]

@Snowflake - you are absolutely posting appropriately.

That's exactly what thi...

Thank you

 

[sedna]

When is it the right time to take your life? Will we ever know? How will we know that we can't hold o...

If you knew for certain that you were going to die exactly six months from now today, how would you live up until that final day?
Would anything change if you knew the burden of sorting out the rest of your life was gone, and you only needed to get through six months?
Sometimes people that have lost everything and have no one, forget that they also have the freedom of nothing to lose.

There are a lot of possibilities with that kind of freedom.

 

[Virtues]

Reading this thread makes me think of the movie "The Guardian" where they talk about a rescue that Ben did where he carried a man into shore for 20 minutes, holding onto him by his fingertips because the cable pulling them up to the helicopter jammed. He tore every tendon in his hand.

I think the point I'm trying to make is that you never "let go" you just keep holding on no matter what. You hold on until every tendon in your hand is torn. This is just my take on the situation.

 

[NoWhereKnowWhere]

@Snowflake I didn't mean to invalidate you. What I meant was the replies to this type if post could be more harmful than good. Like if someone says something and you think that's me that's describing my situation so yes I should kill myself then.

I really struggle with this too, but I notice I don't think the same way when I'm not feeling as bad when I'm not as depressed or symptomatic. But at the time it's like I'll never be happy again like I've never been happy. That's just not true I totally get what you said about taking your head off and throwing it away. I'm sorry if I've just made things worse here. I'm sorry you're suffering.

 

[NoWhereKnowWhere]

That's ^^ still doesn't sound right but I can't find the words.

 

[Snowflake]

That's ^^ still doesn't sound right but I can't find the words.

I understand what you are trying to say.

I am not trying to upset or trigger anyone....I am just stating how I feel. I hate being so alone-feeling alone. I just wanted/want someone to understand this spot I am in.

 

[EveHarrington]

I've never understood the idea that wanting to die is an automatic irrational thought.

These people have never met me, they don't know how far into the future I've reasoned all this. I guess they play the trump card with "but you can't know the future". Sigh.

Not one to say much in support right now by going AMA and giving docs the proverbial finger in refusing medical care in hopes that my system royally reacts and I'm in that percentage that gets taken out. God, it's in your hands now.

:hug:
:hug:
:hug:

 

[joeylittle]

I understand, @Snowflake. This past year has been a really hard one for me especially. Most days I don't know how to keep trying. It feels like it's been 30+ years of it and it's never going to end.

But I know in my rational mind that it's not been 100% unrelenting, and that there have been times when I was a lot better than right now. Those times can happen again - there's no reason they can't. Also no reason they will - no guarantees - but it's possible. Always possible.

Edit to add: something else that helps - I never feel 100% ready to have seen my last sunrise. It can be a dangerous line of thought, but if you are feeling up to it, see if you can find the one thing you aren't utterly and completely ready to never do again. For me it's sunrise and scratching my cats cheek.