Relationship The Start Of Therapy Breakup

[NaeNae75]

I'm thinking about going to get my things now so I can just put it all behind me. Should I wait?

Unfortunately, only you can answer that. Will you be able to do it right now without causing a scene you'll regret later? Or is there someone you can go with for moral support for you?
I don't know what I would do....I'm not very good at the moving on part...

You have to decide what is best for you right now.

 

[JM318]

Unfortunately, only you can answer that. Will you be able to do it right now without causi...

At this point I just feel defeated. I don't wanna talk because he just hurt me so much I don't have anything to say. I just want to move on.

 

[NaeNae75]

Unfortunately, only you can answer that. Will you be able to do it right now without causi...

I know exactly how you feel....If you were close, we would do stupid girl breakup stuff together.....like maybe watch a movie and cry. Does that sound so pathetic? I know how very painful this really is.....I promise I understand the absolute hollow you feel right now. I wish that weren't true. You seem like a pretty tough cookie like me....it might take a while, but it will get better. But for now, it's okay to feel hurt. You're not a bad person, you did nothing wrong. No....he didn't see what he had, and that sucks. But it isn't a reflection on how bright your light is. If he's blind, it doesn't matter if you're as bright as the sun, he still won't see you. You're not a fool either. This is a tricky damn mental illness. There is no rhyme or reason....there are no rules. You didn't fail. The only way you fail is if you don't take care of yourself now. At least if no one else around you knows or gets it.....I do.

 

[JM318]

I know exactly how you feel....If you were close, we would do stupid girl breakup stuff...

So I went and got my things. He told me he will continue therapy and I mentioned seeing a different therapist if he feels it's not helping. He thinks it's rediculous that we need therapy for us to have a relationship in our late 20's. He mentioned that therapy didn't discuss how to maintain a healthy relationship "yet" but they did talk a little about us. I asked him if he's breaking up with me because he feels guilty and he said he does feel guilty for hurting me, but he doesn't love me and he can't force being happy when he's not. He never told anyone we broke up he said things were rocky so whatever I was told was wrong, at that point he was just unsure of what he wanted and that's why he hasn't reached out to talk. So I guess bombarding him at the fair made it simple for him to just say "it's over." When I was getting ready to leave I went to my car, then started walking back. He said "don't drag this out longer" and I said "this is hard to say goodbye we've been together for 2.5 years" and he pretty much said its not hard for him because he's content in his decision. He said that were on different levels and he didn't want a relationship, and he doesn't want to let me in. I feel like I'm reliving our first breakup where he was so firm and cold to me.

I don't know if he is being this way because it's easier to let things go and not drag me along with him, or if he really just doesn't love me. He tells me that he's not as bad as I think he is, that he doesn't need therapy. But everything I've been there for tells me different. He tells me he's unhappy with himself and he can't make me happy, his fathers death is a big struggle for him, he doesn't know who he is, he has demons in his mind and it's all constant negativity... How is he "not that bad"? Is he just hiding his true feelings and dealing with all this on his own so no one knows his business and he doesn't have to feel vulnerable? Maybe he feels more control when he keeps things to himself. I need to move on, I want him to be happy and he doesn't feel happy with me, at least not now in therapy. It's hard to just forget all that we shared. I know he loves me and needs me, he's told me that he's lucky to have such a strong woman in his life, but he's telling me different now.

So I need to accept that and let it go.

I deserve better.

 

[Deleted member 33287]

Wow I'm glad this thread was started finally someone who understands what my feet feel like.

I don't have PTSD but I can see why anyone with trauma would hate talk therapy. My last session I was wanted to swear at my therapist for the questions she asked.

What I can see him doing is during therapy I naturally cut ties with a lot of things and people. Not because was told to but just weeded out those who don't think like me.

 

[JM318]

Wow I'm glad this thread was started finally someone who understands what my feet feel like.

I don...

Do you think he meant the things he said? About not loving me and not needing therapy?

 

[NaeNae75]

I know exactly how you feel....If you were close, we would do stupid girl breakup stuff...

You do deserve better. I'm sure he does love you in there....but he's to wrapped up in his mind with the darkness. He can't see past it. If you need anything, I will be here for you.

 

[Deleted member 33287]

Do you think he meant the things he said? About not loving me and not needing therapy?

I will get yelled at by people on here but no I don't think he meant it.

My weird break up was with a rape victim with PTSD. Everything that has happened between us literally makes no sense. My guess is therapy opened up a wound or a can of worms and he doesn't want to go back. With not loving you don't believe that.

Best advice I have for you is see a psychiatrist or therapist who can explain things to you and make sense of the situation.

 

[JM318]

I will get yelled at by people on here but no I don't think he meant it.

My weird break up was wi...

I see my therapist next week, thanks for your response. I don't think he meant it either

 

[Deleted member 33287]

I see my therapist next week, thanks for your response. I don't think he meant it either

Make sure your therapist specializes in PTSD or knows it like the back of her hand. Mine understands it thought she had a better understanding of it I guess not. What is the most frustrating for me and my guess will be similar to you is someone telling you that the special moments you guys had don't mean anything to them anymore and to move on.

Your boyfriend did love you and my guess is he still does. What I am learning is how overwhelmed someone with trauma gets. I think it is called the PTSD stress cup.

Does he like to dance or do art? Asking because talk therapy is extrodinarly hard and might be easier for him to ease into it by doing a non talk therapy and get the ball rolling.

 

[JM318]

Make sure your therapist specializes in PTSD or knows it like the back of her hand. Mine understand...

Yes my therapist specializes in PTSD. He told me to my face he didn't love me and its over. WTF is wrong with me? But I've heard this from him before just in different ways. "I don't love you and don't think I ever will" then "I love you but I'm not in love with you" then next break up "I don't love you like you love me" But he came back each time and told me he loved me and he wants to make this work and slowly but surely PTSD crept in and took over his life. He denied it, then had a break down, then said he wanted the help, and not he has no issue but he's going to keep going to therapy? It's not as bad as I think? I just keep thinking (like I do every time)... what if he's just telling me the truth, what if he really just doesn't love me? He can't force it, and he won't. But then I think- he doesn't love himself right now, he doesn't know how to love me because he doesn't even know how to love himself. I feel defeated.

 

[JM318]

Is it normal that someone with PTSD can be detached from their loved ones but not their friends? It seems like he's been rubbing it in my face lately. He would post on snapchat of him playing with his guns, or on his motorcycle or out with friends. And then at the fair, I demanded answers and he told me its over, and he didn't need therapy... He seemed so cold and firm and convincing that there was nothing wrong. But then when I saw him after to get my things the next day he told me he didn't know how he felt yet and didn't make a decision, which is why he didn't reach out. But why did he say its over at the fair in the heat of the moment?